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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this hen party request?

284 replies

HenPartyHelp · 02/04/2019 23:27

I’m due to go on a hen party next month, it’s DPs family member although we’re fairly close

The whole thing is a surprise for the hen so all of my info is coming via text from one of the bridesmaids who I’ve never met

I’ve recently been told that I’m to wear a specific colour, it’s a colour I don’t wear at all and I would have to go out and buy a whole new outfit for it, which I hadn’t originally planned to do plus it would literally be worn once so it feels like such a waste of money

The whole wedding plus stags and hens is already costing us a lot of money and this is yet another expense that we really can’t afford

WIBU to just say no, I’m not wearing that colour, but I’ll avoid being in pictures so as not to ruin them (which I’m fairly sure is the reason for the colour scheme?)

I’ve never met any of these people before, if I say no will they all hate me before I even get there??
Should I just suck it up and buy a new outfit?
I don’t want to be the awkward one who refused to join in
Confused

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
higgyhog · 03/04/2019 09:47

Baby pink? just go in your birthday suit! (ethnicity allowing)

sailorcherries · 03/04/2019 09:50

Feeling quite smug about my hen do now. I refused to have weekends away/lodges/city breaks. Said no to the spending of £100s, I wouldn't be able to afford to go. And said no to a 'theme' request.

OP look for something cheap, or don't. Look for accessories, or don't. Go, or don't. It's an invitation not a summons but if you're going to complain each step of the way - including about what others may possibly wear, and the fact they enjoy getting dressed up, then it isn't the place for you.

Newhere555 · 03/04/2019 09:53

Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/04/2019 09:53

baby pink is it that bad - its a hen night - girly

i wore pink for mine years ago, tho think was cerise more then baby

as others said you can easily buy a cheap cardi/pashminia/blouse and put over black dress

IJustLostTheGame · 03/04/2019 09:54

I was asked to wear hot pink for a hen do once. I wore a black dress with pink tights, they were from primark.
It was fine.
And looked 80s cool too.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 03/04/2019 09:57

I bet its pink

Gruzinkerbell1 · 03/04/2019 09:57

Baby pink actually has quite a lot of colour variations. I don’t think the bride wearing white (assuming that’s the case) will stand out quite as much as she envisions. Black would have been so much more sensible.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 03/04/2019 09:58

Just read full thread Blush but yay I was right

SugarHockeyIcedTea · 03/04/2019 09:59

@higgyhog that made me snort with laughter 😂

doIreallyneedto · 03/04/2019 10:06

I can't believe the number of posters telling you to suck it up and buy an outfit!

I think a black dress with some pink accessories would be fine. It shows you went to the effort of trying to fit in with the theme. If anyone says anything, just say you thought it meant wear something pink, not completely pink.

Whatever you do, don't ask the bridesmaid is the black dress with pink accessories ok! Pleading ignorance and misunderstanding means you don't sound like a grinch. Although, to be honest, I wouldn't care as I think a load of adults dressed the same look ridiculous and I wouldn't be bothered about the opinion of anyone who thought it was a "fun" thing to do and judged me for not feeling the same.

doIreallyneedto · 03/04/2019 10:10

@spanishwife - Ahh I would just do it OP. It's one day, the bride will love it.

Will she though? It's the bridesmaid, not the bride that wants it. I would hate it.

bananamonkey · 03/04/2019 10:14

Urgh baby pink, I look shit in pastels so I’d hate that! I had this for a hen do once but we had to wear black so much much easier (and better than pink!) I’d probably find a cheap pink top and wear it with jeans TBH.

trendingorange · 03/04/2019 10:15

Stop being so miserable, buy a cheap pink dress (donate it to a charity shop afterwards) go out, throw yourself into all the tackiness and have a laugh!

IvanaPee · 03/04/2019 10:17

Do people on here genuinely not get that just because they don’t like or do something, doesn’t mean nobody else does?

I also roll my eyes at the competitive not giving a shit on here: oh, we got married in a homeless shelter and I wore a black bag.

Congratulations. But you don’t get bonus points for sneering at people who celebrate differently to you.

And yeah, OP, you could fork out for pink accessories (though if it’s a summer hen and you come wrapped in a pink scarf you’ll look ridiculous), or you could just realize it’s not about you, and buy one of the hundreds of cheap pink outfits available to you and not take some sort of attention-seeking stand.

Karigan195 · 03/04/2019 10:19

We had this and I just picked up a little dress in a sale for £10. It’s hardly difficult. Dress will never be worn again probably but it was hardly expensive

doIreallyneedto · 03/04/2019 10:19

@IvanaPee - Do people on here genuinely not get that just because they don’t like or do something, doesn’t mean nobody else does?

Do people on here not realise that just because they like something, it is not ok to expect everyone else to follow suit?

Dueinnov19 · 03/04/2019 10:20

My friends hen we had a dress up theme which needed me to buy a wig.... but it was my best mate and I wanted her to have a good send off.

One of the girls wasnt keen, so she just had an accessory. My friend was a little upset but you cant force people to do things.

I agree with others, get a pink top and if you cant wear smart jeans then a nice skirt?

hellsbellsmelons · 03/04/2019 10:20

Something like THIS HERE
Cheap and cheerful.
Leggings and some over the knee boots - job done!

SleepingStandingUp · 03/04/2019 10:21

I can't believe the number of posters telling you to suck it up and buy an outfit! because unless OP can't afford it, its an extra £10 on a night out she is choosing to go to. She can always not go is she doesn't want to.

I think a black dress with some pink accessories would be fine if she wants to stand out

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 10:21

@doIreallyneedto

I assume the person organising it is her maid of honour - therefore probably sister or best friend. I would imagine that she knows that the bride likes.. say more than a random person on MN, yes!

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 10:23

I also roll my eyes at the competitive not giving a shit on here: oh, we got married in a homeless shelter and I wore a black bag. yesss @IvanaPee I completely agree with you. Unless your wedding cost 50p and everyone brought their own sandwiches it was a ghastly tacky wedding on MN.

doIreallyneedto · 03/04/2019 10:25

@panishwife - I assume the person organising it is her maid of honour - therefore probably sister or best friend. I would imagine that she knows that the bride likes.. say more than a random person on MN, yes!

Perhaps, perhaps not. I've no idea whether it's a bridesmaid getting carried away with what she would like and what she thinks a hen party should be or if she's someone who is carefully considering the bride and what she would like. Nobody here knows.

Chocolateisfab · 03/04/2019 10:26

But when the btb sees everyone she will know who made the effort!
Once you have had a few will you really care anyway?

IvanaPee · 03/04/2019 10:33

Do people on here not realise that just because they like something, it is not ok to expect everyone else to follow suit?

In a group situation usually consensus is what counts and if everyone else is doing it, and it’s someone else’s night, then yeah. The decent, non-dickhead thing to do is follow suit. For one night. One dress. 🙄🙄🙄

Order654 · 03/04/2019 10:36

doIreallyneedto - well hopefully your own bridesmaid would of known what you wanted and known to avoid it for you.

I’m sure the bridesmaids know the bride enough to know if she would like it or not.