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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where is this £60?

195 replies

SpoilsburyToastGirl · 02/04/2019 12:19

My just turned 8 year old DS got a little blue wallet a few months ago from a museum giftshop. I gave him a £5 note to put into it as he'd never had any 'paper money'. He then got around £25 in money at Christmas and at his birthday 1 week ago got a further £30. After the last sum I was aware that it was mounting up and made a mental note to take it and put it in his bank account. Today it is missing.

To recap, he had the wallet with his saved £60 in it a week ago. He swears blind it was on his drawers in his bedroom. I haven't seen it elsewhere in the house despite the fact I've been doing lots of tidying in preparation for some decorating. I have just turned his bedroom upside down looking... Looked in every drawer, cupboard, behind drawers, even inside all pockets, under the rug, under his mattress, everywhere.

In the last 3 hours I have searched the entire house, even down the sides of sofas and under furniture.

The only other people who came are 2 cleaners who were here on Wednesday. I don't want to point the finger but if it was in his room and now isn't, would it be unreasonable for me to at least contact the cleaning company and ask if they'd seen it? Or do I have to chalk it up to experience and write it off?

OP posts:
Papergirl1968 · 02/04/2019 15:58

I wouldn't mention to cleaners but I would add a few pound coins to his money box. Check on the day they come before they arrive and again after they've gone, and you'll have your answer.
What's the moral dilemma about doing that? If they steal they deserve to be caught, if they don't, they'll never know you suspected them.

BatFace1 · 02/04/2019 16:01

This being MN, posters will look for the least obvious explanations of course

I should think your cleaner has had it

StarlingsEverywhere · 02/04/2019 16:03

Is there any chance your son is being bullied at school, OP? Could he be taking money in to appease a bully or "friend"? If it's not lost or been stole from your home, that might be the explanation.

Original poster
SpoilsburyToastGirl · 02/04/2019 16:05

Cleaner is due again tomorrow. I will add some coins to his money box, also where else should I leave them?

OP posts:
Beebumble2 · 02/04/2019 16:09

You mentioned that he went to his grandparents, could he have taken it there and left it somewhere and they’ve not found it?

Original poster
SpoilsburyToastGirl · 02/04/2019 16:11

Have had a good long chat with DS. He is adamant he has never taken the wallet out of the house, apart from one occasion when we went to a shopping centre that we knew about (he only had 5 pounds in it at the time).

He said when he added the money to it he got it out and counted it. It also has a number of pound coins in it so is quite heavy.

I do believe that he hasn't knowingly taken it out or moved it anywhere. That doesn't mean he hasn't done something without fully realising (like accidentally knocked it into a toybox or similar - although I've searched every toybox and nook and cranny).

He was really sad that he was saving up for something 'decent' and now won't be able to buy anything.

I'm going to see what happens tomorrow and if anything else disappears before I do anything further. If it doesn't I guess I'll have to chalk this one up to experience, although I am going to be far more vigilant in future

OP posts:
saffy1234 · 02/04/2019 16:28

Hi @SpoilsburyToastGirl you know your son if you believe him and i do actually then yes its the cleaners.Maybe leave some loose coins on his desk or something?or a fiver on the microwave?Seems more likely they'll take from his room though as thats where the thefts seem to be isolated too xx

AcrossthePond55 · 02/04/2019 16:33

Thing is, if the cleaner took the wallet the last time she was there, it's not likely she'll take anything else so soon. At least, not something 'newly placed' or obvious (like £ on a table, etc). She may wait a week or so to see if the 'new' money is just sitting there without being touched. Thieves generally are a canny bunch, they wait and see. So you can leave a tenner sitting somewhere, but don't be surprised if it doesn't disappear right away.

The same thing re valuables normally left 'accessible'. If she notices that suddenly your valuable jewelry, etc is gone from it's usual place and nowhere to be seen, it's likely to tip her off that you're suspicious.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/04/2019 16:35

I will add some coins to his money box, also where else should I leave them?

A small, shallow box or tray - even a small freezer box - with plenty of change in including lots of £1 and £2 coins, counted beforehand. If you don't have enough, take a £20 to a local shop and get them to change it for you

You obviously know your house best, but maybe on a bedside table, or even the shelf where the money box is kept? Basically anywhere that she cleans that would also be a natural place to leave such a thing

Oh, and personally I wouldn't use up your coins by putting them in the money box itself. IF you have a thief and she's already taken out of there recently, she probably wouldn't bother searching it again - especially if there's a tempting, open tray nearby

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:36

Even if the younger sibling isn't interested in money yet, they may have taken/moved it, because its pretty and has fish on it. Have you tried them?

In my experience a young child can answer honestly 'no' to 'did you take DS's wallet' and still have moved it, played with it etc. because they only consider they have 'taken' something if they still have it in their possession.

Any chance someones buried it in the garden as part of a treasure hunt?

5foot5 · 02/04/2019 16:38

He said when he added the money to it he got it out and counted it. It also has a number of pound coins in it so is quite heavy.

Where did the pound coins come from? Might he have taken the higher value coins from his piggy bank to put in his wallet because he thought that was a more "grown up" place to keep them or something? If so, it is possible that we are still just looking at a misplaced wallet rather than multiple small thefts.

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:38

Maybe ask your kids what games they liked to play with the wallet?

This approach has led to a few finds in our household....

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:38

5foot I was thinking that too...

HolyForkingShirt · 02/04/2019 16:39

Any chance someones buried it in the garden as part of a treasure hunt?

I mean this is just clutching at straws now....

I hope he gets his £60 back, the thought of an 8 year old having his savings stolen breaks my heart!

M3lon · 02/04/2019 16:49

holy...yes...and yet this did turn out to be where a much treasured beaded necklace ended up recently...

DD: whhhhaaaa I've looked everywhere and can't find my necklace.
Me: What games do you like to play with it?
DD: I like to hide it places and dig it up...wait a minute....oh yes - I buried it in the garden.

Me: Confused

longtompot · 02/04/2019 16:51

Is there anywhere that your son keeps going back to when looking fir his wallet? Generally, if something is lost, you tend to keep going to a similar area and seem to end up finding the item there, or very close by.

Maybe add a few £2 coins to his money box, to see if they go missing. Its awful to think someone you trusted has possibly taken something. £60 is a lot of money. Hope his wallet is found with it still inside and its not your cleaners.

TriciaH87 · 02/04/2019 16:58

If the wallet itself is missing and you have searched every where in the house personally i would message the company asking if they could ask the cleaners if it was moved whilst tidying up. Do not mention the sum of money in it only that your sons wallet has been misplaced with his birthday money in it. This is not accusing anyone but pointing out you are aware it is missing if they have taken it. Should they have moved it for safe keeping it gives them the opportunity to say where or to put it back if they did take it. Consider this a warning to not keep money lying about and if anything else goes missing make a formal complaint.

HollowTalk · 02/04/2019 16:59

Before you realised the piggy bank had been ransacked I was going to suggest looking down the side of the bed and at the top and bottom, too. I would remove the mattress and sheet to check. However, that wouldn't account for the coins going missing.

randomchap · 02/04/2019 17:00

If I was a thief and had already cleared out a child's moneybox of all the bigger coins I might be suspicious if a few £2 coins were suddenly in there.

I'd put a pile of loose change on a table but carefully counted so you know what was there and what denominations. Looks less suspicious.

Hotpinkangel19 · 02/04/2019 17:11

Agree you need to test, how awful if it is them.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 02/04/2019 17:14

Do you have shutters on your windows? I had a few things ‘posted’ through my shutters when my son was small, including door keys. And when my friend was looking for her keys I told her to check her windows and lo and behold her son had ‘posted’ them too!

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 02/04/2019 17:19

He’s 8, Pam

TriciaH87 · 02/04/2019 17:23

Buy him one of those money tins that you have to open with a tin opener. Then he can save his money and it will be obvious if tampered with. If you do leave money about make a note of how much you put where. Leave it in places the cleaner will tidy but where they will think its been forgotten about. Only leave in a couple places as too many will raise suspicions.

itsnotso · 02/04/2019 17:33

We had a similar amount missing in our house. My other half had come in from an evening out and dumped all his notes on the table. Next day we both get up for work, didn't move the money, cleaner came, money wasn't there.

I casually mentioned it to the cleaner, asking if she had seen it, making a bit of a joke about the OH being irresponsible. It never turned up.

Roll forward a few months and a random fiver was in the fridge. Few days later, a little bit more was in the wash basket, and then the rest turned up back on the kitchen table. My 6 year old fessed up that she had taken it "as it looked nice", but then didn't know what to do with it, so gradually put it back. She couldn't explain why it was put in random places, and the fiver was also out of date by the time it was returned as new ones had come out. But at least it turned up eventually!

AnnieMay100 · 02/04/2019 18:04

Sorry to hear what happened no one likes the thought of a potential thief coming into their home. I’m leaning more towards it being the cleaners unfortunately. I’d leave coins on top of bedside cabinets, kitchen drawers, mantle etc as if they’d been thrown and forgotten. Also leave an envelope with something like £20 written on the front but put £30 in. If they take £10 it’ll have the ‘correct’ amount inside which they may think you won’t notice.
What made your son realise it was missing from its usual spot?
Could it have fallen into a nearby bin and not realising what it was the cleaner accidentally threw it out?
Radiators/bedding/wardrobe/unused bags/toy box also magic up lost things in my house
Really hope you get it back