To not warn DH it is my birthday this Friday!!

[Gradiva]

This is my first ever thread!

Feels like the time to post here as I have a small dilemma and can’t ask friends in real life as they may warn him! I think DH (7 years together) has forgotten it is my Birthday this week. I always usually remind him or organise something because he is “always so busy” and I can usually tell a few days before it has slipped his mind. I remind him because I don’t want to have to see he has forgotten. As I have always reminded him I have never been able to prove if his has actually forgotten. He always claims to have known but I’m not sure. (Presents usually come after the day/as a promise to spend some money on me/ or flowers from Waitrose on way home etc!) I’m considering saying nothing. Becsuse how will he ever learn unless I let him forget? I won’t get angry at him, but I will show him I am disappointed . Because it is just a bit disappointing. I don’t get (or expect) much on the day, unfortunately that’s how I’ve let us become, but I would like him to remember! He is crap at the small things (never bringing me cups or tea even though I always do for him and tell him how much it means to me, mothers’ days cards made at lunchtime after reminding etc) but I think they are important. AIBU to not remind him? He will accuse me of “setting him a trap”. I kind of am... but it might be a good lesson?!

I have friends whose husbands really go to town organising nice surprises. So AI-also-BU and shallow to wish I had a romantic thoughtful husband too or are some men just not that way and never will be?

Happy Birthday. Hope this year brings some changes for you !

Happy birthday! 😁 💐🎉🎂🎊🍰🌹🍧🍾🍷🍹🥂

Happy Birthday, Gradiva 💐

And any person who can hold down a job can organise something fo a birthday. It boils down to whether they can be bothered.

Happy Birthday, Gradiva

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I hope the DH remembered!! Please update us. However if he didn't, I'm sure seeing all these lovely messages on here from everyone has brightened your day! X

BarbaraofSevillle

I don't pretend it's from DP, I tell him to give it to the kids to give to me. Win win but then we share all money and I really don't care about giving gifts, I think it's bit daft to give people things if you don't even know if they want or need them.

My DP forgot once. Well, apparently, he thought it was a couple of days later than it was. I came home from work early to find him pelting round the corner to buy a card, present and things for a nice meal - I got a full on 'I'm so sorry, I thought it was Sunday and then I looked on FaceBook and saw you had a bunch of messages from people and I'm such an idiot and I'll be back in half an hour because I was going to get everything tomorrow [kiss] please don't kill me...' and ran off in the direction of the shops.

Three months later, a call came up the stairs 'Babe, what's the passcode for the SKY Box?'

'My birthday - day and month'.

[Silence]

I waited.

[More silence]

[Feet creeping up the stairs]

'OK. You got me. I'll write it down. And apparently use it everytime I want to watch a 15 rated programme' [sheepish grin].

He's not forgotten since, which, considering he's the man who couldn't remember how old he was, thinking he was 39 until his Mum said 'only two years to go', shows if something is important enough, they will make sure they remember it.

Great @MitziK

Happy birthday OP, hope he remembered!

OP come back! I don't know why I'm so invested in this thread but I really want to know what happened.

OP come back! I don't know why I'm so invested in this thread but I really want to know what happened

She's probably too busy bagging his stuff and chucking out the front door.

Happy birthday Gradiva I hope you managed to find a moment to celebrate you. I'm sorry your DH is not doing his part in that.

Happy birthday my love! X

Happy birthday @Gradiva xx

Happy Birthday!!

Hope your day's been better than you hoped, Gradiva, and that you'll be sitting down later with your new foot spa.

Sending birthday wishes your way. Hope this is the start of a good year for you - onwards and upwards, eh?

Checking into a hotel once I was asked for my date of birth. For some reason my partner answered on my behalf- only he gave a really random date. I was like ‘that’s not my birthday?’ Then he had to sheepishly explain in front of the receptionist that it was his ex wife’s. V embarrassing for all of us!

Happy Birthday @Gradiva xx

Hello 👋

Had a really crappy birthday in terms of realising I’m really not happy with my relationship.
We have argued. So I ^have^ ruined the day but frankly it was ruined earlier in the week and last weekend when it was clear he wouldn’t remember.

I would love for him to organise dinners out but it just doesn’t happen. (A few rare exceptions but only when he senses I’m really expecting it). I know some men just aren’t good at all this but if I recall correctly he was quite good when he was wooing me...suppose I’m just part of the furniture now

Anyway...

We seem to both feel a lot of resentment about our relationship and each other and unfortunately seem bring out the worst in each other. Lots of tears (mine) and anger (both) in our house today, sorry to be vague but I’d need to start various other threads to get it all out.

Regarding birthday

He sheepishly left presents out this morning. He went to the shops yesterday afternoon (after he had remembered because of cards arriving in the post). He got some smellies from spaceNk. Very nice you may think but because I’m feeling so unloved by him I actually have been quite ungrateful about them as the things he has chosen are just not me (I wouldn’t choose them for myself although in a better mood i might have been happy to be given them) but - also - when the f@£ck do I get to use such items? I have a cupboard full of unused pampering kits.

I have his gift receipt and I will be returning them and getting some book tokens from our town’s local bookstore which is much more deserving of my cash I think! I will dedicate whatever books I buy (should be able to get a good few) to myself “Dear Gradiva, on your 35th Birthday, with love Gradiva”.

If I have learned anything it is that playing games can end in tears and that I need to love myself a bit more openly before I can expect DH to catch on.

Bless you all, what fun to share my day with you xxxxx

I may actually write Gradiva rather than my real name in the books.

My little secret!

Happy birthday, take yourself away in literary bliss

You are so right-you do need to love yourself more.

You need to consider yourself more before anyone else will consider you-easier said than done as I am on this journey too. It can sometimes —always— be difficult to consider yourself, when as a mum you are so used to putting everyone else’s needs and wants before your own and not being seen, that it becomes something very difficult to change-for yourself and for everyone else in your life. So start putting your needs first every so often, start talking more and maybe things will improve.
Happy birthday

Do not write Gradiva in your books . He might open them and see it .

Charley, he wouldn’t open them at this point...sadly he claims to have absolutely no time for literature anymore even though when he does read it gets him happy and excited and saying he wants to read more.

He just buys and then doesn’t read business self-help books.

God , those books all say the same thing anyway.
You must be screaming inside.