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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To not warn DH it is my birthday this Friday!!

364 replies

Gradiva · 01/04/2019 22:05

This is my first ever thread!

Feels like the time to post here as I have a small dilemma and can’t ask friends in real life as they may warn him! I think DH (7 years together) has forgotten it is my Birthday this week. I always usually remind him or organise something because he is “always so busy” and I can usually tell a few days before it has slipped his mind. I remind him because I don’t want to have to see he has forgotten. As I have always reminded him I have never been able to prove if his has actually forgotten. He always claims to have known but I’m not sure. (Presents usually come after the day/as a promise to spend some money on me/ or flowers from Waitrose on way home etc!) I’m considering saying nothing. Becsuse how will he ever learn unless I let him forget? I won’t get angry at him, but I will show him I am disappointed Grin. Because it is just a bit disappointing. I don’t get (or expect) much on the day, unfortunately that’s how I’ve let us become, but I would like him to remember! He is crap at the small things (never bringing me cups or tea even though I always do for him and tell him how much it means to me, mothers’ days cards made at lunchtime after reminding etc) but I think they are important. AIBU to not remind him? He will accuse me of “setting him a trap”. I kind of am... but it might be a good lesson?!

I have friends whose husbands really go to town organising nice surprises. So AI-also-BU and shallow to wish I had a romantic thoughtful husband too or are some men just not that way and never will be?

OP posts:
AceOfSpades123 · 05/04/2019 06:48

Happy birthday

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 05/04/2019 06:48

Happy birthday OP CakeFlowers

HotpotLawyer · 05/04/2019 06:50

Happy Birthday OP.

I really hope that you do have a happy birthday.

And I hope he remembers.

But I don’t think you are clear in yourself as to why you have done this.

To train him? In which case he needs to know, full nuclear evidence, that you are gutted that he forgot / just can’t be arsed. Because a muted reaction from you will just make him think ‘Phew, she isn’t upset, knew all this birthday stuff was unimportant’ and that will be it for birthdays from now on.

To face the fact that actually he only ever does anything because you remind him to go through the motions, which will be good if he remembers but upsetting if he doesn’t.

I hope you are feeling strong and brave and have enough self belief and pride to celebrate your own birthday and celebrate that you are you.

HotpotLawyer · 05/04/2019 06:50

CakeFlowersWineCake

golddustwomen · 05/04/2019 06:51

Happy birthday !! Thanks

OliviaBenson · 05/04/2019 06:55

Happy Birthday!

MancaroniCheese · 05/04/2019 06:56

Happy birthday

leeloo1 · 05/04/2019 07:17

Happy birthday op! 🎂 🎉 🍹

TroysMammy · 05/04/2019 07:18

Happy Birthday 🎂

dancinfeet · 05/04/2019 07:22

Happy Birthday OP!! Cake

Xmasfairy86 · 05/04/2019 07:28

🎉💐🎉 happy birthday OP! 🎉💐🎉

Even though DSS shares my bday I still put it on the calendar!

billybagpuss · 05/04/2019 07:28

Hi OP hope you have a happy birthday today and it goes well for you

CharlyAngelic · 05/04/2019 07:28
Wine
Snog · 05/04/2019 07:30

Happy Birthday OP, enjoy your day!

nervousnelly22 · 05/04/2019 07:32

Happy Birthday Op hope you have a lovely day ThanksCake

MiniCooperLover · 05/04/2019 07:34

Happy Birthday OP, I hope he remembers for you. It's my birthday today too, we are birthday twins 😊

MollysLips · 05/04/2019 07:35

🎶 Happy happy happy happy birthday to you
have a happy day today
everybody here wishes you a happy birthday
have a happy day today
are you 1 are you 2 are you 3 are you 4
are you 5,6,7 or maybe more
Mumsnetters wish you a happy birthday hope you don't boot DH out the door 🎵

NoCanoe · 05/04/2019 07:36

Happy birthday. 🦆

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 05/04/2019 07:37

Happy birthday OP ThanksCakeGinWine

NoCanoe · 05/04/2019 07:37

Ermmm.....no idea about the duck!

ApolloandDaphne · 05/04/2019 07:38

Happy birthday OP. How much nothingness did you get?

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/04/2019 07:38

@Gradiva Happy Birthday.

If he has forgotten your birthday go out and do something indulgent. For me, that would be new books and some cake (actually I do that most months, may have to buck up my ideas).

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 05/04/2019 07:39

Happy birthday OP, hope you have a good day, whatever way it goes.

NChangeForNoReason · 05/04/2019 07:40

Happy birthday - hope (despite everything) I have a lovely day!

Tilikum · 05/04/2019 07:41

Happy birthday OP I hope this is the catalyst for change in your marriage (whichever way it goes!) Flowers

(Also Flexitol foot balm is amazing for softening feet)

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