to think my Mum is wrong.

[codswallup]

My mum started paying my DS & DD spending money about 5 years ago every week. When my DD turned 18 recently she told her that she wouldn't be giving her any more spending but will still give my DS,who is 13, spending money. So overall when my DS reaches 18 he will have received more spending money than my DD. I think this is wrong because they should be treated the same. So because of this my sister has decided to give my DD spending money until my DS reaches 18 then they've both received the same, my mum doesn't know about this arrangement. I can't mention any of this issue to my mum as she's hard work to talk to about anything especially regarding money, life is easier to keep your mouth shut than to approach her about her decision.
AIBU with this situation?

Weird weird weird

Yabu

Fine to stop when 18. Makes total sense. He should just be grateful she was generous. You can’t carve up generosity.

Cant stand the "fairness" obsession.
IMO it leads to resentment.
I have never counted or even noticed what my sister has received nor compared it to what I have.
I would be horrified if I had a daughter who jealously watched what her siblings were given.

Lordy, if you're that bothered, ask your Mum to stop giving your DS money. That way both children will have received the same...

Life's too short for getting het up about this, surely!

but also my mum has decided to give my DS double now

WOAH! Drip feed alert! That part is ludicrous. You need to thank your Mum but say no, that’s not fair or necessary.

Wrt your dd, that’s the way it goes. No need for your dsis to keep giving her money.

She’s done that to show OP how ridiculous she’s being.

I would assume dgm has considered these payments in advance for her dotage care??
A woman I knew gave both her dc a £1 if only 1 lost a tooth!! Bonkers!!

Your daughter has had five years more of family birthday and xmas presents than your son, by dint of being 5 years older. This will never equalise either unless he gets some backdated to five years before he was born so that he's received the same amount of value of gifts as his sibling. Or would that be ridiculous?

@Tavannach THANK YOU glad someone else sees my problem

Actually she wasn't the only one who said her paying double is unfair. I also did and I'm sure someone else has

However that was not your original post

My DD has started working so I understand why my Mum has stopped paying her but my issue is that she started paying them both at the same time so overall my DS will get more than my DD.

Not the point. DD is now an adult and working, she doesn’t need pocket money. It’s a life lesson. I don’t see why you are miffed that overall DS gets slightly more. Should she have delayed paying him for the last 5 years just so that he got exactly the same? You would have said that was unfair that DD got money and he didn’t.

How much did your mum spend on DD in the 5 years before DS was born??

@EscapeAnywhere THANK YOU someone else who's sees my problem. The spending money has been received with thanks by my children. But money has always been used as a kind of bribe by my mum with me and my sister and she now uses it with my DC as a bribe. She says 'here's your spending money but I want a hug/kiss etc before you can have it' to my DS which makes the situation worse. Some of the PP saying I need to teach my children that life can be unfair sometimes is an insult because boy don't they know life can be unfair but that's another thread!!!

Far too grabby even in further responses for this to not be an April Fools post. No one is THAT grabby surely?

Pay your kids their pocket money yourself and leave your mum and sister out of it. At 18 they are capable of earning their own money so I agree with your DM.

Jesus, I bet your mother wishes she hadn't bothered now.

we have the same argument with our DCs, as we've only started pocket money recently for all of them

older DCs complain that DC3 will have been given pocket money for longer, so will have received more.

our counter-argument (which is correct) is that pre-pocket money, we paid for everything that they'd have used pocket money for anyway, so actually DC3 will be worse off, as he'll have had to save pocket money for stuff over a longer period than DC1 and 2, who just had things bought for them without having to save.

can you not position things this way with DD18?

PP saying I've dripped fed to keep this thread going says more about you than me.

can I ask what your AIBU is, OP? Because you're only responding to those who agree with you so clearly you don't think you're being unreasonable. And you need to fix your leaky tap, it's incredibly irritating.

I'm boggled by anyone who seems to think that the OP's mum should in effect back pay her DD.

Not the point. DD is now an adult and working, she doesn’t need pocket money. It’s a life lesson

Quite. I spent a couple of decades thinking I'd get my state pension at 60. I was wrong, I'll be 66. However, I have 2 friends a year younger than me who got it at 62. I've also got friends a few years older than me who got it at 60. Life's not always fair.

So what's your DD's opinion OP. So far we only have yours.

The drip feed is relevant because a lot of people will think your original situation is fair bit they won't think suddenly giving the younger child double is fair

The doubling thing is nuts but, as you haven't told us the amount, my assumption is still that it's trivial pocket money, far less than your dd could earn with a weekend job, not of 'saving for a house deposit' proportions.

Is your DD really so petty and mean-spirited that she cares about a child being given pocket money? If so, how has she become like this?

Given your update, she's probably delighted to be free of her grandmother's manipulative grip!

You haven't explained how treats or pocket money were paid for previously and, as pp says, that is the answer to any claim of childhood unfairness.

As for adulthood though... don't forget, your son is going to be five years younger than your DD when your Mum, and you, and everyone else of your generation, dies. The material side of that you could even up through your will (don't forget to get your calculator out and add up every birthday gift and party you've ever given each of them). The personal aspects though? Or is life just not fair?

Don't bring up your DC to see money as more important than love.

I think it's unfair to continue paying the DS (especially double). Perhaps suggest that she stops altogether.

you are right but also my mum has decided to give my DS double now since she stopped paying my DD
Hmmm, how did THAT little detail get left out for so long?

I'm curious to know whether your dd has your attitude and is accepting the payment from your sister. Surely not.