to think my Mum is wrong.

[codswallup]

My mum started paying my DS & DD spending money about 5 years ago every week. When my DD turned 18 recently she told her that she wouldn't be giving her any more spending but will still give my DS,who is 13, spending money. So overall when my DS reaches 18 he will have received more spending money than my DD. I think this is wrong because they should be treated the same. So because of this my sister has decided to give my DD spending money until my DS reaches 18 then they've both received the same, my mum doesn't know about this arrangement. I can't mention any of this issue to my mum as she's hard work to talk to about anything especially regarding money, life is easier to keep your mouth shut than to approach her about her decision.
AIBU with this situation?

So your adult DD is going to be given pocket money by her aunt until she's 23 years old. I would hope a young woman of that age would have more pride.

And given that your DD is going to be having this money until she's 23 isn't your DS going to feel he's missing out when his stops at 18?

They're not being treated equally whichever way you cut it, but that's how life goes sometimes.

Going on given an adult pocket money into her 20s is ridiculous. What happens if she gets married or sets up home with someone when she's 21 or 22 is she still going to get pocket money from her aunt?

This is a great opportunity to teach DC about financial independence and the nuisances of equality, but instead you are blaming your Mum for her generosity.

No - YABU - she obviously felt she could afford to give this money 5 years ago. Maybe not before that. At 18, your DD should at least have a job so shouldn't need handouts from family members

Its very odd all round - how much spending money does a 13 year old need? Surely your 18 year old will be working before DS is 18 so why would she still need pocket money? If your mum's difficult I would kindly ask her to stop with the "spending money" and you can just give your DS and DD what you see fit without her interference.

I also don't think your arrangement is fair - DS will get no spending money while he is at uni when he might actually need it - having some pocket money when he was 8 years old to spend on lego and sweets is hardly the same!

Surely you’re just moving the issue along a time line. If pocket money stop when your son is 18 your daughter will be 23 do would’ve still had more? Or am I missing something.

What would happen if there is a change of circumstances and your mum stops giving your D's money? He would have benefited from an earlier age. Would your sister step in and pay his until he is 18. Look at it from a different angle.

So how long will this arrangement go on? Once DS gets to 18 who will give him spending money until he is the same age as his sister received spending money?
Strange arrangement especially if your DD is working, why would your Dsis give her money?

Is this right, OP?

Your DM decided to start giving pocket money 5 years ago, where your DC were 13 and 8. (As they're 18 and 13 now?)

So DD received pocket money aged 13-18. Say that's £5 a week, the total is £1300 over 5 years.

But DS receives pocket money aged 8-18, and he'll be receiving it for 10 years, total £2600.

Is it fair that DS receives double than his sister? No. But it is your DM money and I wouldn't want to appear ungrateful, but YANBU at all for noticing.

Yabu and thinking about it all wrong. I think it's really... grabby to be thinking 'but they'll have got it for longer!'.

Pathetic, Your children are very lucky to have money from your Mum. At 18 she is old enough to earn her own money. Your sons money will stop at 18.

Saying the money started at the same time so your son gets more is ridiculous, you sound like a whiney child who whinges 'Its not fair'. Please grow up and stop feeling so entitled.

And given that your DD is going to be having this money until she's 23 isn't your DS going to feel he's missing out when his stops at 18?

Ha ha good point 😆🤔

OP, are you also one of those parents that give a present to the sibling on the other child's Birthday? Never got that 🤷‍♀️

How much money a week are we talking about?

Well I don’t think you should be expecting your sister to give your daughter money.

@LordNibbler thank you for that comment, you're right, it's rub off on me and you've made me see this and I don't like it. Going to make changes.

Are some PP missing that she started giving the money at the same time?

Surely it's obvious that the younger one will receive more money if they both stop at 18 and it isn't fair. The son does get more because one child gets 5 years worth and the other gets 10 years worth! She should either stop both now or continue both until the younger one reaches 18.

Even with my own DC what they have been given has been influenced by what I have. My youngest will probably be given less as my DC are university aged but I will then have more again when they finish. I aim to treat them equally, but for them to understand that this is not always the same.

and has your dd ever had more than your ds- more attention, more time, more new toys or clothes from being the eldest?

as a parent you cannot ensure that each child gets the same of everything throughout their life

your job as a parent is to teach them to be generous and resilient

You are being ridiculous. I would not give an adult pocket money. The fact that overall your DD will have got pocket money for longer is totally irrelevant.

Well clearly the issue is that you didn't give birth to them both at the same time. How very unfair of you!
Head and wobble spring to mind...

No I didn't miss that they were given it at the same time. Regardless of this I don't see anything wrong with it being stopped at 18.

gardening No they are not missing that, they just think its is ridiculous.

@EscapeAnywhere you are right but also my mum has decided to give my DS double now since she stopped paying my DD

Surely this is a wind up?

Well the double is a different issue!