To be disappointed with the school mums

[tipsandtricks]

Supposedly “naice” area, private school (which may or may not make a difference, I don’t know) and some of the mothers are just not nice people!

They gossip, they show off, they try to manipulate the teachers (and it works with some), they do not discipline their children, they are competitive to the point of making nasty remarks to 4 year olds if they have won a prize and their child hasn’t and they flout the school rules (hair length, uniform, no fighting) because they are paying so “what are they going to do?!” 😕

I don’t know what I was expecting but this is like a group of mean girls who have had children and still think they are in the playground.

jacks11 The school does have an idea because some children repeat the (mean) things their parents say of course! Plus they announce that “Mummy said it” when reprimanded 😂

I went to private school and it was hell, never encountered nastier girls before or since, I imagine they got it from their mums.
Dd goes to a massive comp and there is nothing compared to what I saw/ went through.
Money makes some people think they can do anything, are above the law, and are better than anyone else.

This country does primaries really well op, why not move to the state system?

I think I’ve been lucky. Most of the school mums at DCs school are lovely, I’ve not seen anything like what you describe. We live in a nice village where the majority of people are comfortably off, but don’t seem pretentious at all, just normal. Maybe I just haven’t noticed the dickheads, I’m sure they must exist!

I think you're unlucky OP.

To be fair, my dcs are at state schools though, but I agree their are horrible people in every income bracket.

My Primary was in a deprived area. The schools mums were mainly nice (the ones I spoke to anyway) however we were never terribly close outside school as we didn't have too much in common (interest etc).
My dcs are now at Secondary in a slightly 'nicer' area. For the first time in my life I've actively got involved in school life - (I've actually just become a governor, on the school bus Committee etc) and I've found everyone extremely welcoming and much easier for me to 'slot in' as we have common interests.

There's competition everywhere. Every parent wants their DC to be noticed/do well etc. However I've yet to hear anyone actually express it openly.

I hope you find nicer people OP.

I know what you mean, op. While we're all school mums, there is something about the environment that brings out certain behaviours in people. The environment doesn't suit everyone, including me, and I know many who say that so you are not at all unusual in that respect. Once I accepted that and adjusted my expectations, I felt way happier and found myself even making one or two good friends

I have experience of private and state, and also schools in very naice areas and schools in very bad areas. Mums are the same everywhere. There are groups of bitchy, manipulative mums at every school. There's no real difference other than money, accents, and sense of entitlement. That saying, I didn't hear of any mums actually physically fighting in the playground in naice areas or private schools. My advice is keep your distance and don't join any WhatsApp groups.

Agree that wealth gives some people a sense of superiority and entitlement. And I am surprised that anyone is disputing that.

Excellent post etino!

Where we live, it's mainly the maintained-school parents that swank around in 4x4s and loudly discuss their next exotic holiday. Sure, there are some like that in the independent schools, but there seem to be fewer.
There are plenty who think uniform, timekeeping, behaviour rules don't apply to them... in both sectors.

OP

The school does have an idea because some children repeat the (mean) things their parents say of course! Plus they announce that “Mummy said it” when reprimanded

In that case, I would be looking elsewhere. At DCs school that wouldn't be tolerated and I wouldn't keep the DC there if it did. I'm not saying it's perfect (what school is?) but discipline is something they are quite strict about. Either move somewhere else, or you have decide if you can tolerate the schools laxity/acceptance of favouritism.

This country does primaries really well op, why not move to the state system?

Because there are just as many arseholes in state schools. That said, I've not encountered any in either state or private 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not every primary is good anyway.

My inlaws who have little money live in a village that has been gentrified and has a lot of very rich people living there. Some are lovely, but a fair number look down their noses at the locals who have lived there all their lives

No physical fights, but oneupmanship, snide remarks about others’ parenting and openly talking to each other about a child whilst the mother is stood there! In the latter case I believe one gossiper didn’t know who the parent of the child was and the other, supposedly her friend, enjoyed her making the faux pas.

It started with s couple of women, one of whom funded the library of something so feels she owns the school, and now they are taking sides.

It’s likd being in a playground!

Sounds like my kids old private school,especially one mother who would get the arsehole if someone else got star of the week before her child,used to manipulate the teachers,and both her and her child used to turn the waterworks on if they didn’t get their own way.An absolute pain in the arse she was.They have gone to a state school in Potters Bar now.I can imagine the fun the other mothers and kids are having with her.Hopefully someone will have handed her arse to her on a plate.

How on earth can you be surprised that this social group seem to have a particularly high number of people who are entitled, demanding and possibly with not a very well developed sense of politeness or fairness?!

There will be lovely people and awful people in any school yard group but, um, I think it's probably fair to say that having a lot of money isn't exactly known for making people feel LESS entitled and pushy than they otherwise might have been...

I’ve also had dcs at both state primary and prep and agree than the tendency among women to gossip and compete transcends these distinctions.

That said, there is definitely an air of entitlement at private schools and a sense of umbrage among parents if their child isn’t being sufficiently recognised in terms of awards, roles in school plays, commendations, mentions in the weekly prep news etc. I’ve often heard mothers say things like, ‘when you’re paying such high fees you expect better’

We work very hard to have our children at private school and there are all sorts of mums from all walks of life . 30% of children are on assisted places so not wealthy and everyone is very supportive of each other. Sometimes I think it’s our own issues that cloud our judgements
Of others - and I am guilty of that at times.

SoupDragon Exactly. We scrimp to afford this school because our local state primaries are failing.

”...when you’re paying such high fees you expect better”

I hear that every day.

Oh God OP I think you've just got a crap year group. Could happen anywhere. At my DCs (private) school most of the parents are lovely, that said I prefer one year groups parents to another. It's just the rub of the personalities in one group that can be wearing. The same goes for the kids. One DCs class is full of total pains and the other DC has a superb group of kids. I think it has little to do with being private or not.

I hope it’s just a crap group. It’s so depressing.

I think it's probably fair to say that having a lot of money isn't exactly known for making people feel LESS entitled and pushy than they otherwise might have been...

I don't think having less money is known for that either. It's almost as if there are twats from every walk of life and money is largely irrelevant... 🤔

The problem is that the crap group will be going up with you! The kids might get better but the parents won't, and if the school is facilitating them, they will get worse as it gets closer to 11+etc. Is there anywhere else you can move your child to? I wouldn't want my child growing up around such toxic people who are bringing up spoilt, entitled children!. Especially if I had to scrimp and save to pay the fees while others can afford to pay for a library!

People generally choose a private school education because they feel their children would not thrive at the local state school, or because they believe the education to be better, or because they think that buying an education makes them better/ gives better life chances/ will have the children mixing with a better type. Plus, private schools can select their intake, unless they’re cash strapped, so they probably won’t encounter children who have significant learning needs.

He who pays the piper calls the tune. That’s what they think anyway, so it’s not surprising that these parents feel that they can call the tune. They probably can.

soupdragon I really disagree. Wealthy makes some people entitled and boosts and feelings of superiority they had.

“30% of children are on assisted places”

Good kird-are you from the 1980’s?