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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? I want to do driving lessons

179 replies

grainykite · 30/03/2019 13:55

But my DP is insistent it should be him Sad my reasoning is I'm the one stuck at home with the kids so surely it would give me more freedom, instead of relying on him or waiting for him to become available?
Who is BU

OP posts:
LakieLady · 30/03/2019 17:12

To get back to your original question, OP, I think you should be the one to learn first.

You're at home, so would be able to use the car all day, take the children places etc, and the whole family would benefit. If DP learnt first, the car would just be sitting doing nothing 5 days a week, and anything that required using the car (shopping, trips to the tip etc) would have to be fitted in at weekends.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 30/03/2019 17:13

I would look at who costs the most for insurance on your car. That should be a factor if the difference is significant, also look at insurance costs one year after passing. Also factor in that your DP needs insurance that is social, domestic and pleasure plus commuting (or business use if he's doing more than driving to/from work). You only need social, domestic and pleasure if you're a SAHM and not working.

Personally, I'd say you should learn, maybe timings might work to drop DP off at work, or pick him up? You would also be able to do the shopping, run errands, ferry the kids around etc. DP is going to drive the car to work, leave it there all day and drive it home. It's not a great amount of use/benefit, when it's sat at his work all day, but the flip side might be offering to drive him to/from work/bus stop/transport hub so he gets some of the benefit too.

Also, I would look up the cost of your DP running a larger car to/from work. Things like tyres get expensive on larger cars and they can guzzle fuel, especially if they're older.

Regarding car seats, you can usually find out on the manufacturer's website if they are compatible with your car. There's often a car guide or just contact them and ask, they might stipulate which seats in your car you can fit it though.

ArgyMargy · 30/03/2019 17:19

OP has already said she lives in Scotland and unless she's in Edinburgh or Glasgow posher parts then prices will always be a fraction of those charged in London. Insurance is also going to be much less, particularly in more rural areas, but fuel is going to be expensive with an older, 7-seater.

Dramatical · 30/03/2019 17:22

OP has already said she lives in Scotland and unless she's in Edinburgh or Glasgow posher parts then prices will always be a fraction of those charged in London.

Who is comparing OP's costs with London?

Also it isn't a fraction of the price for a driving lesson; we pay £30 in north east Scotland compared with (quick google) a few pounds more in London.

CheshireChat · 30/03/2019 17:34

If you have AA cover, you can get driving lessons for very little, I think it was something like £50/ 10 lessons, albeit not an intensive course.

CheshireChat · 30/03/2019 17:39

FWIW I think it should be you who gets driving lessons first as 4 people will benefit on a daily basis, plus you'll be using it to get around during the day as well whereas if he just wants it to commute it'll be left sitting all day.

swingofthings · 30/03/2019 17:40

On the basis that his job is not very far away, I would say that it isn't unreasonable that you get lessons first and drop him to work each day. Not fun for you but if you want the car because you want your freedom, it is fair to make this sacrifice for him. It will also give you an incentive to prioritise paying for his, lessons !

Ultimately, between lessons and insurance, it is going to cost a lot if money but you clearly both want to be driving one day so that mibey will have to be paid at some point so might as well be now and get it over with.

Could you maybe look at doing some hours work when all the kids are at nursery, or evenings/weekends to help?

ChoccieEClaire · 30/03/2019 17:49

If you can't afford lessons then you are going to struggle to run a car...

Dramatical · 30/03/2019 17:56

If you have AA cover, you can get driving lessons for very little, I think it was something like £50/ 10 lessons, albeit not an intensive course.

Spat my tea out at that one 🤣

£5 a lesson Grin

Lifecraft · 30/03/2019 18:36

NEVER buy a car before you know how to drive. It's bad luck!

NEVER visit your stupid superstitions on others. It makes you look like a moron.

I think buying a car before you pass can be a good thing, it focuses the mind so you get on with it.

As regards £1800-£2000 for insurance for a new driver, it mainly depends on age and postcode. A friend of mine passed her test aged 49. Went straight out and bought an Audi A4 3.0 convertible. Paid around £5000 for comp cover with a £300 excess.

Lifecraft · 30/03/2019 18:37

Sorry, £500 for insurance, not £5000!!!

augustboymummy17 · 30/03/2019 18:41

I'm guessing he's going to be paying for tax and insurance once you have a license? Let him learn first x

Mucky1 · 30/03/2019 19:34

Cost me 3.5k to learn to drive and took me two years 🙈 5 months wait for retests and I had one cancelled due to snow, one cancelled because the instructors car broke, I bottled one, failed two and finally passed on my third attempt. I think they were sick of the sight of me by then. Op you should learn then your DP write a list of pros and cons for you both and show him.

Tensixtysix · 01/04/2019 15:00

@Lifecraft. Yeah? And when it takes years to pass, it's a constant reminder of what you can't have. So who's the 'moron' now?

Lexilooo · 01/04/2019 15:54

Leaving aside the issue of buying the car I suggest that providing your anxiety isn't likely to affect your driving or taking the test you both take the theory test asap. If only one of you passes they learn first. If you both pass then I suggest you learn first for the following reasons

  1. You have had more lessons so far so will hopefully pass more quickly
  1. You are happy to do an intensive course so should pass quicker and then he can start learning.
  1. If you have the car you can take him to work and collect him and drive for all the jobs etc in the daytime. Whereas the car will be useless during his working hours if he is the driver.
Harumphharagh · 01/04/2019 16:08

Have no idea why you are getting such a hard time OP! I’m sorry about your anxiety and hope you’re feeling better.

You were obviously offered a well-priced car of the kind you wanted and bought it. You want to crack on with lessons and test so you can get driving. Someone in your town offers a suitable course at an excellent price, go for it.

You doing it first benefits your and your husband’s three children far more than him using it for a work commute for a short cycle / 25 min walk.

Eliza9917 · 01/04/2019 16:52

What car is it?
What year is it?
What engine size is it?
How much did you pay for it?

Eliza9917 · 01/04/2019 16:56

What's on the clock?
has it been in accident before?

Harumphharagh · 01/04/2019 17:06

ANSWER THE INQUISITORS, OP, OR VERILY YE SHALL BURN!!!!!

Tilikum · 01/04/2019 17:38

Definitely you should be the one to pass first. You can ferry the kids around out on day trips, do the supermarket shop, go visiting family etc. I'm a bit appalled that your DP is even considering that he should drive at all first considering he works a 25 minute walk away! That would be a waste of a car.

Trillis · 01/04/2019 17:39

OP, based on what you have said, you should definitely be the one to try and pass first. It is pointless having a car sit outside your DHs work all day, when you could be using it either for household stuff like shopping, or taking the children out places. We were a 1 car family when my 3 DCs were young, and there was never any question that I was the one with the car. DH used to cycle to work (about 5 miles), but if the weather was miserable I'd take him and pick him up instead, which meant he had a lift to work, and I still got the car all day. Unless I knew I definitely wouldn't want it. Not having a car to get to work makes very little difference to him, especially as you can drop him off if necessary, but it makes a massive difference to you being stuck at home with 3 children.

strathmore · 01/04/2019 17:53

Check who it is cheapest to insure as a new driver.

Use your own car to learn and insure it straight away- that was it will be cheaper when you pass. Or check out just the cost of insuring it a learners even if you don't drive it.

My DD had a car insured for year in her name as a learner which was relatively cheap . She then got a much cheaper insurance than her peers when she had passed.

QueenBeex · 01/04/2019 18:24

I brought my car 3 months before I passed my test, knowing i had my car waiting for me to pass was actually what made me book my test instead of putting it off because I was nervous. For the first year of me driving I had a black box insurance cover, which can help make your insurance cheaper in the future. I also still have the same second hand 16 year old car I brought months before I passed my test, and I've never had a problem with it thankfully!! I think my first year I was paying something like £140 a month for my insurance and that's with a black box, but I did add on break down cover and stuff. After my first year of driving my insurance went down loads !! My driving lessons were £29 an hour, I did 2 hours per week, for 3 months i think.

DogInATent · 01/04/2019 18:43

If you really can't decide between you toss a coin. Plenty of sensible suggestions given that you should try first as it would bring the most immediate benefit - but it sounds like you partner is insistent he should.

I am hoping you've got a plan to bring in the extra income to cover the costs of running a 7-seater car once you do pass the test.

Trying to run a car on the cheap gets expensive very quickly, particularly older and cheaper models (that's why they're cheap and difficult to sell). Hopefully you haven't just been sold something with a big service due, or with a long list of MOT advisories (the DVLA very conveniently allows you to check the MOT history of a vehicle for free, using just the registration number).

OohYeBelter47 · 01/04/2019 21:53

I think you should learn first, it's not his money it's family money, you are looking after his child. Good luck with it all OP!