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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you’re happy?

196 replies

bellinique · 29/03/2019 22:57

Hello
Sorry if this has been covered before but I have been debating this a lot recently, both with my DH and internally.
My question is: If you were stopped on the street and asked whether you are happy, would you say yes or no?
Obviously this is not very nuanced but I would be really interested in your gut reaction to this question.
I don’t want to add more and make it a leading question because I having differing opinions to my DH but your answers would be very helpful in resolving our debate.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 30/03/2019 16:55

@PseuDenim I met someone when dc was 2. We were together 16 years and had a child together in this time. We then split up several years ago. I’m now a year in to a relationship with an amazing man.

You will meet someone too! I had many a nights like you’ve described on here. But it does get better.

HerRoyalNotness · 30/03/2019 16:59

No I’m not. Interestingly a therapist told me it’s not a useful word to use about yourself as happiness isn’t a constant state, eg we could lose our jobs, be ill, have a bereavement. He used the word fulfilled instead which to me is more meaningful. I’m not fulfilled either though Grin

Redorangeyellowgreen · 30/03/2019 17:03

Interestingly a therapist told me it’s not a useful word to use about yourself as happiness isn’t a constant state, eg we could lose our jobs, be ill, have a bereavement. He used the word fulfilled instead which to me is more meaningful.

Hmmm so I would say I am happy but not fulfilled! So I prefer the original question haha.

buzzbobbly · 30/03/2019 17:10

I'm unhappy that I'm not happy.

BarmyLlama · 30/03/2019 18:20

I'd say yes. I think for a lot of my life I've been quite happy and I've done well for myself. In recent years, since being with DP and having DD, life has slowed down and I realise that I'm now quite content, not just happy. Which is probably a good thing but makes me feel quite old.

Userisi · 30/03/2019 18:24

Overall yes, most of the time I'm just neutrally going through life but when I reflect yes I am. I haven't got everything I want in life and I'm actually going through counselling for that as I don't want it to take over everything else. I struggle with my hormones quite a bit so it can depend throughout the month.

Userisi · 30/03/2019 18:27

@Redorangeyellowgreen I agree! I would say I'm happy but not fully fulfilled, knowing the person I am I'm not sure I could ever get to state of fulfilment, I'm always chasing the next thing which has its advantages and disadvantages but is deeply ingrained, and I am able to be content /happy most of the time despite this.

Girlicorne · 30/03/2019 18:33

I m happy, and from reading a lot of threads on here particularly around demanding friends and family I think I put a lot of my happiness down to not doing things I don't want to do! call me selfish but life is too short. there's no way I d exhaust myself cooking for the whole family at xmas and I don't want to spend mother's day sitting in the pub with MIL or driving 150 miles to my toxic and manipulative mum so we are going to Legoland Discovery Centre. Just one example but the 4 of us live our little family life on our terms, DC come first always, I don't go on social media and I don't have toxic or demanding friends just a very very small circle. It works for me!

LonelyMouse · 30/03/2019 18:47

No. I'm really unhappy and have been as long as I can remember. Countless self help books and therapy haven't helped me. My health isn't great, I'm really lonely as I have no friends or a family, I don't have any hobbies skills or talents, I'm unemployed due to health reasons. No matter what I try things don't change.

I feel like I'm just drifting along with no purpose and no reason to actually be here.

Fluffymullet · 30/03/2019 18:53

Without a doubt I'm happy. That doesn't mean there are things in life I'd like to change though.

I have post baby weight to loose, I'm exhausted from work and kids and no family support. My only surviving parent is in poor health and I am worried about them.

I'm still incredibly lucky in life though. I have 2 lovely children, a job I enjoy, financially doing ok and in good health. There are a lot of people i can understand why they are not happy with circumstances beyond their control e.g. ill health (mental and physical) , children with additional needs and no support, poverty, violence etc. There are others who seem unhappy with no obvious reason and that seems such a waste of a life

sourdoh · 30/03/2019 19:07

I'm more content and fulfilled than ever. I hesitate to use the word happy because I feel it's a subjective term and pretty hard to precisely define.

I have temporary employment, money worries, weight problems and an abusive exH who very nearly destroyed me.

However I'm surrounded by kindness and goodwill. I am starting to feel worthy of the love shown to me, I can see how I bring love and security to my kids (a year ago I couldn't)

I've learned to smell the roses, to be in awe of rainbows and hills and nature.

I believe in the goodness of people again and that makes my heart sing. Truly.

Strength and self-compassion to all Flowers

BitOfFun · 30/03/2019 20:08

I'm with you on the kindness and goodwill, sourdoh- it's made all the difference since I became ill. It sounds like a cliché, but love really is the most important thing.

Tabitha005 · 30/03/2019 20:16

Right now, I'd say I am the unhappiest I've been in a decade.

Octopus37 · 30/03/2019 20:40

Mixed tbh, have struggled with anxiety and low level depression over the years. At the moment I'm worried that one of the retail stores I work for (I do undercover price checking) is in trouble, have had this happen with one company already this year when that was my main income, just don't know what will happen if it happens with this company as well. Worry about the impact of not affording things etc, work for myself, know if I'm hones that I think money does bring happiness to an extent, in terms of having freedom and independence and lets face it you have dig a lot deeper to find free/cheap happiness. Also, the only being as happy as my unhappiness child thing resonates with me, DS1 has anxiety problems, have had a tough period and things are more settled again at the moment, we are getting help from his school but know if could change again very easily. Re my family situation, really wish my Dad's situation was better. His partner has dementia, she has been a witch to us for years beforehand, know its only a matter of time before the shit hits the fan again.

On the positive side, I told my DH how low I had been feeling the other day and he was really nice to me which I'm grateful for as I know I'm not easy. I like where we live (apart from worrying about all the London knife attacks), as a family we are physically healthy, I love my dog, I have good friends. I am close to my Sister. I just hope that if I lose the majority of my job we can get through.

I think there is a lot to me said for enjoying the mundane.

ethelfleda · 30/03/2019 20:42

No I’m not happy. Not at all.

ethelfleda · 30/03/2019 20:45

The worst part is that nobody cares. Nobody gives a shit - they just expect you to keep plodding along and doing your duties and don’t want to hear a negative word about it. I’m surrounded by people sometimes but the only person in my life that actually genuinely loves me is my son. And he is only 17 months old so I can’t expect him to deal with it!

cantbebotheredtoday · 30/03/2019 20:48

Some days I am happy, other days I am not unhappy but stressed, worried, crabbit. But overall I do love my life and am content. I am also very very lucky and thankful.

Ihatehashtags · 30/03/2019 22:03

Overall yes I am happy. Right now, no I’m not but I’ll feel better in time.

user1497997754 · 30/03/2019 22:25

I only started to realise I was happy when it happened. I used to love just randomly singing to music on the radio, in the car, in the house, to myself.....I stopped doing this about 20 years ago.....just recently I have started doing it again and I am conscious of the fact that I am happy again. I think for the last 20 years I have been depressed lots of bad stuff has happened and I have been a big people pleaser. Now I concentrate on pleasing myself and in doing so the depression has gone and I genuinely feel happy because I actually value myself and my time.

Gillian1980 · 30/03/2019 22:50

Yes, I am happy.

There are a few things playing on my mind at the moment but they don’t make me unhappy.

VanillaBlossom · 30/03/2019 23:00

I would say yes without a doubt!
Anyone who knew my circumstances would struggle to believe but I honestly think it's all to do with your mindset and I'm so appreciative of everything I have got .. the only down side is I get slightly frustrated with people who take things for granted, not that much though as I understand they know no different but I honestly feel lucky that I appreciate every little thing...(like a super power haha 😎👊💥)

Froglette16 · 30/03/2019 23:25

Happy, sad, frustrated and content. Depends on the day. Wake up happy! That's my advice, and deal with whatever comes at you, one step at a time.

JustHereForThePooStories · 30/03/2019 23:29

I’m happy.

I love my husband and, after a serious illness theee years ago, I have him back.

Really love my job too, and about to get a promotion and a pay rise. No financial worries, no illnesses of loved ones keeping me awake at night.

I have nothing to complain about.

NumbersLetters · 30/03/2019 23:34

Normally I'm really happy, though I've been taking prozac for 12 years. Before they I was mostly anxious and glass half empty Recently I've started to experience devastating sadness though. Weirdly that's why I came on mn just now, with half a mind to ask for support. This thread was the first thing I saw.

BloodsportForAll · 30/03/2019 23:47

I wish I was happy. I have happy moments. But most of my life has been sadness, anxiety, worry, despair, confusion, you name it. I've been through more shit than the average year's worth of Eastenders scripts. I grab what happiness I can, and try make everything count. But my life is nothing like I expected it would be or even thought it might be.