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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you’re happy?

196 replies

bellinique · 29/03/2019 22:57

Hello
Sorry if this has been covered before but I have been debating this a lot recently, both with my DH and internally.
My question is: If you were stopped on the street and asked whether you are happy, would you say yes or no?
Obviously this is not very nuanced but I would be really interested in your gut reaction to this question.
I don’t want to add more and make it a leading question because I having differing opinions to my DH but your answers would be very helpful in resolving our debate.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
RussellSprout · 29/03/2019 23:41

I was earlier today. Literally full of the joys of spring.

Sunshine has a lot to do with it.

sockatoe · 29/03/2019 23:42

I'm happy. I am a SAHM at present. Not a natural to the (unplanned) role. I am a supporting role to DH. I've come to the realisation that I was never intended to be the star of the show. I'm the one who makes things happen, but not the one to take applause. Took a little getting my head around, but it's a real truth. I make things happen, quietly. I pick up the pieces, but equally, I put them together. My life is full of demanding children, but also, full of love. Thankfully.

EstrellaDamn · 29/03/2019 23:43

Yes I'm happy. But not ignorantly so, I'm acutely, awarely, grateful.

emotionalaffair · 29/03/2019 23:44

For the first time in my life I would say I'm unhappy. See my username.

EstrellaDamn · 29/03/2019 23:46

Sorry, just saw your questions.

I chose a good husband, as much luck as
judgement I suppose.

I am challenged and stretched by a job I enjoy.

My children are at good ages: out of nappies but not teenagers Grin

I'm lucky that my parents are both alive and healthy so I've jo responsibility for them yet.

That's my happy.

Tachy · 29/03/2019 23:47

I am very happy but I never thought I could be.

SnowsInWater · 29/03/2019 23:48

I would recently have described myself as very happy, content and grateful for my life. On 15 March I was diagnosed with breast cancer totally out of the blue. I am currently a bit numb - trying to stay positive but could no longer describe myself as happy.

Tachy · 29/03/2019 23:48

I'm so sorry @emotionalaffair , I hope you get through it and you'll be genuinely happy again soon.

EEELA · 29/03/2019 23:51

After a fair few years of intermittent depressive episodes, yes I'm happy. I'm honestly finding it a bit weird seeing as I haven't been happy since I was about 15!

Original poster
bellinique · 29/03/2019 23:52

@boringlyboring I’m wondering the same!

@emotionalaffair I’m so sorry, I hope you’re as ok as possible.

@EstrellaDamn I appreciate your elaboration and especially the part about judgement, I think I’m possibly lacking there... you’re so right to focus on the good parts and I aspire to be more like that.

OP posts:
recklessgran · 29/03/2019 23:53

@bellinique and any others suffering, I promise you it will get better in time. I brought up 5DD's and worked 2 jobs to help give us a good quality of life. I was lucky to have a brilliant DH but I always felt at the end of my tether and that I had to do EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY - I remember the feeling so well, despite my lovely DH doing a lot to help. I really wish I'd worried less about earning money and spent more time just "being".
You will survive, but in the meantime you really do need to have a tiny bit of life just for you, even if it's just a candlelit bubble bath where you are not somebody's mummy/wife for half an hour!
Hope you feel better soon. xx

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 29/03/2019 23:55

I think one thing that enables me to be quite a happy person is that I have no inclination to compare myself to other people - comparison is something that seems to cause a lot of people misery and I think I have dodged that bullet.
so
Totally agree with the above. Appreciating what you have and also setting yourself some goals that YOU want to achieve (not what other people might want) def. helps a positive outlook.

I used to be more of a worrier, but now I look at my circumstances- just living in a first world country for a start! - and feel happy. Plus I'm 45 and I'm still here! That might sound daft, but I've lost some people along the way (and others have experienced health problems) so I'm going to enjoy every year I have.

Original poster
bellinique · 29/03/2019 23:56

@SnowsInWater
I would send flowers if I knew how

OP posts:
MigThePig · 29/03/2019 23:58

Thank you OP. I'm so lucky to have one DC but it breaks my heart to not have more and I worry for the future so much.
I'm not alone but it would be easier if I were, I care for my DH who is severely disabled after an accident so life is complicated.

MigThePig · 29/03/2019 23:59

Thanks for all the other posters struggling with life.

Original poster
bellinique · 29/03/2019 23:59

@recklessgran thank you again for your comforting words

@AmICrazyorWhat2 yes, you’re right - comparison is a terrible thing. It’s a very hard thing to avoid though!

OP posts:
EEELA · 29/03/2019 23:59

And as for reasons: I had a LOT of therapy, life coaching and stress-free time to work it all out. I took medications for years, which I'm sure helped but they made me very numb (to both the sadness/frustration and also any joy), so I am finding it quite a novelty to actually feel things these days. And it makes me happy.

Original poster
bellinique · 30/03/2019 00:05

@MigThePig
That does sound very tough, I’m sorry. Thank you for replying to my thread and making me appreciate the positives in my life.

OP posts:
SurgeHopper · 30/03/2019 00:06

Meh.

Not too bad I suppose, can't complain. Not what I imagined really.

SnowsInWater

Flowers You got this

lhw92 · 30/03/2019 00:11

Not really. Currently feeling hopeless about the future, as if I’m barely coasting through life

Unemployed, I’ve been single and lonely for a long time, hate my appearance, and poor health

Yet I’m in my twenties, so often hear from family members things like- these are the greatest years of your life/don’t take this time for granted/only young once Hmm it just makes me feel worse and guilty that I’m wasting my supposedly precious youth

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 30/03/2019 00:14

There is a very good saying "I wanted to be - happy so i was".

ILiveInSalemsLot · 30/03/2019 00:17

For me, I’m happy when I don’t have anything to worry about. Not little worries but major ones to do with finances and health of family members. I’ve had times when I’ve had those major worries and I could never say I was happy then.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 30/03/2019 00:22

Yes, very. I had have had periods of low level depression and anxiety for much of my adult life. Now in my 40s and I am just loving life. My kids are fab, I love my job, my husband and I get on so well, after quite a volatile relationship when young. Everything is good.

DogHairEverywhere · 30/03/2019 00:22

I'm with IfOnlyOurEyes. I think it's a decision I make to feel happy with my lot. I'm sure other people would not find pleasure in the things I do. Obviously there are things that, in an ideal world, I would wish were different, but I don't dwell on those things. I try and be grateful for what I have.

I'm also, another who is not cursed by having the 'comparison gene'. I really don't give any thought to what others have/do. I try and be a good person so that I feel comfortable in my own skin, but I accept that I make mistakes.

Original poster
bellinique · 30/03/2019 00:23

@lhw92 I’m sorry to hear that.
Not wanting to sound like your family members but twenties is very young and things will change and hopefully feel better soon.
I’ve also had health issues and understand what it’s like for that to feel lonely. Feel free to message if you feel like a chat.

OP posts: