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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you’re happy?

196 replies

bellinique · 29/03/2019 22:57

Hello
Sorry if this has been covered before but I have been debating this a lot recently, both with my DH and internally.
My question is: If you were stopped on the street and asked whether you are happy, would you say yes or no?
Obviously this is not very nuanced but I would be really interested in your gut reaction to this question.
I don’t want to add more and make it a leading question because I having differing opinions to my DH but your answers would be very helpful in resolving our debate.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Tigger001 · 29/03/2019 23:20

*concious" effort not con joy

VaperCut · 29/03/2019 23:21

I'd say 'meh' like a pp. But if you caught me on a bad day I would probably say unhappy.

I'm lucky to have a good dh, two great dc, my own house, a really supportive extended family, no real money or health problems so unsure why I'm not generally more happy. Maybe because there are many small anxieties and worries which accumulate and occupy my mind and I really shouldn't let them.

Bohbell · 29/03/2019 23:21

Also, i have a mentally challenging and creative job which absorbs me. It takes up mental energy that i would normally spend overthinking stuff. Work is a salvation for me i think. I get depressed if bored or if my mind is not occupied.

Lovelylugs · 29/03/2019 23:23

For me I think some of my previous unhappiness was situational but mostly stemmed from my own behaviour/childhood conditioning but it took about 6 million self help books and TED talks to realise it and a long time to change or even know how to approach it.

ssd · 29/03/2019 23:25

Yes I am happy and I appreciate that.

Sweetbabycheezits · 29/03/2019 23:26

I see happy as a feeling, the same as sad is a feeling. So, there are situations where I feel genuinely happy, like a nice evening with friends, having a laugh with DH, or funny moments with the dcs. Not happy all the time per se, but in terms of overall life, I am content and satisfied with the life I've created. In love with DH, adore my dcs, have lovely friends and a job that works with our family life. I'm not looking for anything to change, so I guess that's a good sign?

recklessgran · 29/03/2019 23:26

Yep, happy here. The thing is, I'm older [63] and seem to have become more and more happy with my lot in life. When I was younger I was always striving, you know, for the bigger house, nicer car, more exotic holiday, higher grades and top unis for DC's etc etc. Now, I don't care about any of that stuff, live more in the moment, am proud of my beautiful DD's and DGC's and lead a very contented life. In reality it doesn't take much to make me happy these days - simple pleasures like a lovely fresh loaf from the bakers, a walk by the river holding hands with DH or an unexpected visit from one of the DD's bring me genuine joy.
OP if I were you I'd try to think more about the journey rather than the destination and corny as it sounds try to appreciate the little things in life.I'd like to bet that you're quite young, possibly with DC's and a job and a life too busy - try to slow down sometimes!

Bumper1969 · 29/03/2019 23:26

All studies show happiness is dependent on the same things. Purpose, community, people and physical exercise especially connected with nature. I'm happy, like everyone else I've had mourning and suffering but in all I'm happy

ssd · 29/03/2019 23:27

But everyone carries something and I'm no different.

Redorangeyellowgreen · 29/03/2019 23:27

In general yes, but not right at this moment!

Original poster
bellinique · 29/03/2019 23:28

It seems the 80/20 guess is right but in the other direction!
It’s heartening to know that lots of people feel happy despite challenging circumstances.
I clearly need to work on my menta health...

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 29/03/2019 23:28

I would say yes. Things aren’t perfect by an means but overall I have a nice life and I’m fortunate.

DIZZYTIGGER87 · 29/03/2019 23:31

I would probably say yes, even if realistically it's probably not accurate. I don't think I'm deeply unhappy, However not do I feel happy most the time... saying yes would be easier and would probably make any follow up questions easier to answer as I know why I should be happy IYKWIM

Original poster
bellinique · 29/03/2019 23:31

@recklessgran
Thank you, that made me well up.

OP posts:
MigThePig · 29/03/2019 23:32

I'm very unhappy. I often think about ending it but I have a DC who keeps me going.

I get sick of pretending I'm ok sometimes, I'm really not.

DogHairEverywhere · 29/03/2019 23:32

I am happy.
I get out in nature every day, walking my dog.
I am very grateful for the life I have and remind myself daily how lucky I am.
We may not have as much money as others, (although we are better off than some)
My children are healthy.
I chose this life of simple pleasures over a life of a corporate career that was not making me happy, but was providing me with a greater disposable income. Seems like it's true... Money can't buy happiness, although, as say, we have enough to get by on. If I couldn't fed my children, I don't think I'd be happy then.

mummski · 29/03/2019 23:33

This is a good question and one I was randomly thinking about earlier. I am extremely grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life but happy, no. Honestly, I'm not sure I've ever really experienced any type of long term happiness.

Storminateacup74 · 29/03/2019 23:33

Not really. But blame it on the stresses of family life.i could prob be happier on my own but too scared to try in case it doesn't work.

NooNooHead1981 · 29/03/2019 23:34

No, not really now. I haven’t been happy for about 4 years. I think once I was truly happy about 10 years ago. When I had my DD, I was incredibly happy. Then I had an awful lot of shitty things happen; a head injury and post concussion syndrome, a drug induced involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia, an ectopic pregnancy, job loss, my DB dying of cancer... it hasn’t really stopped.

But... I am very blessed with a wonderful family, friends and DC. So yes I am happy for the fact that I have lots of things to be grateful for, food on the table, and a roof over my head. But sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel deeply, truly happy ever again.

tobee · 29/03/2019 23:35

I'm not too bad. I'm sad when my dc are unhappy mostly. And I wish dh's health was better. But I am in a good enough place to get on with it. So that's not bad, is it?

Original poster
bellinique · 29/03/2019 23:36

@MigThePig
I’m so sorry to hear you’re unhappy too. Please know you aren’t alone. Life is tough but we know it can get better. If you’re looking after a DC by yourself then that must be so challenging but it will get easier.
I found @recklessgran’s post very heartening, please read it and try to think that thing’s will ease with time.

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 29/03/2019 23:37

Yes I'm happy.

I think happiness is when you exceed expectations. I remember seeing a programme about happiness where the javelin thrower Steve Backley had expected to win gold at the Sydney Olympics but won silver. He never got over it. Kelly Holmes, on the other hand, was just happy to qualify for the final so when she won a bronze (on paper not as good as Steve Backley's silver) she was over the moon.

Mitsouko67 · 29/03/2019 23:39

Yes I would say happy. Have gone through tough times and likely worse to come old age etc but quite optimistic by nature and hope I will be able to deal with challenges.

boringlyboring · 29/03/2019 23:40

No. I tend to be between unhappy and ‘empty’. I don’t know if it’s because I’m ungrateful, depressed or if things are actually as shit as I see them.

FruHagen · 29/03/2019 23:40

Happy but not content