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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether you’re happy?

196 replies

bellinique · 29/03/2019 22:57

Hello
Sorry if this has been covered before but I have been debating this a lot recently, both with my DH and internally.
My question is: If you were stopped on the street and asked whether you are happy, would you say yes or no?
Obviously this is not very nuanced but I would be really interested in your gut reaction to this question.
I don’t want to add more and make it a leading question because I having differing opinions to my DH but your answers would be very helpful in resolving our debate.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
anitagreen · 30/03/2019 10:31

I think I'm happy now last year was awful for me the whole year was ruined by severe anxiety low level depression, and intrusive thoughts I had them every hour on the hour for 10 months until I finally opened up on mumsnet and got some advice and made big lifestyle changes, changed my thought patterns etc.
Although I still have down days I think now it's more due to my hormones, I feel very happy now I have no money at all but I feel rich in a way. I do hope I continue to feel more happier, I sometimes miss how carefree I used to be before my children but I hid a lot of my worries and anxiety and just ran from pillar to post to deal with it.
I'm currently bathing my children listening to them laughing and the birds outside, the sky is bright blue and it feels peaceful and calm i am happy.
I think my happiness comes from letting go of everything and whatever will be will be. Sorry this is so long x

anitagreen · 30/03/2019 10:32

I also realised this year I get a lot of happiness from helping people and it's shown me that things do get better so much, I get scared of the what ifs sometimes but I am hopeful that nothing to bad will happen in life and if it does, god forbid. I'll be able to cope, Thanks for everyone who is going through a hard time x

quietcontentment · 30/03/2019 12:12

I'm happy. There are things in my life which do make me very unhappy, however, I do have enough things in my life that make me happy and that I'm very grateful for. Having these things does help me focus on the parts of my life that I do struggle with.

I do think you need balance, everything in your life cant be great all the time, but you really need to find things that make you happy and cling on to them for dear life, its the small things that can keep you going.

God, my post sounds cheesy!

BluishMoon · 30/03/2019 14:38

If the question was a straight answer either happy or unhappy I would say I'm happy. I really appreciate the many good things in my life, and I'm pretty content with the simple things.

However money is tight and my health isn't great, so things could be better.

bloodywhitecat · 30/03/2019 14:47

I just answered 'yes' but without my reasoning.

For many years I was unhappy, I felt life always chucked hurdles in my path, I'd had a tough childhood, spent some time in and out of care, had an emotionally and physically abusive mother then married a man who was a sex pest, finally one night he raped me. My children's childhoods were blighted by a far reaching tragedy and they both had poor health.We had bankruptcy and the loss of our home to deal with, life seemed tough. I felt I had a lot to be miserable about. But then life took me into a career working with children who were at the end of their lives and I saw how those children and their families still found happiness in every single day, even in the last few hours of their lives and I decided that happiness was a state of mind and that I had control over whether I felt happy or not. Life is still often tough but I look for at least one thing to make me smile every day and I have found I have become a happy person.

Caxx · 30/03/2019 14:48

No in 41 years I can never say I've been happy

Treaclepie19 · 30/03/2019 14:49

Nope.
Going through a tough time at the moment which is really making me question everything.

maddiemookins16mum · 30/03/2019 14:51

Yes. Love my DP, like my job, no debt, good health.
But I miss my mum terribly still and I worry about my increasing weight.
That said I am happy.

golddustwomen · 30/03/2019 14:51

I would say no. I am desperately unhappy I would say. If if wasn't for my two dc I'd fuck off on the next train out of here.

PinkGlitter123 · 30/03/2019 14:58

No, I hate my life. Lots of family issues, friends always let me down and can't seem to find a decent one, single, have a chronic illness and strong chance of being diagnosed with another one any time soon too.
I wonder what the point of it all is.

bridgetosomewhere · 30/03/2019 15:08

Oh yes I am. Life is good, busy and sometimes stressful but I feel very lucky to have my dc, dh, home, ddog.

Purplejay · 30/03/2019 15:15

I am not happy. I do things that make me happy for a time, cooking, seeing friends, doing things with my son, a glass of nice wine, light candles, etc. However I am struggling with being separated, my husbands affsir, what the future holds. I have no close family apart from my 12 yo. Sometimes I feel very alone.

I am not a negative person. I am a big believer in ‘ this phase will pass’. I hope that is true for me.

If someone asked me the question in the street I would probably say ‘I am alright’.

bridgetosomewhere · 30/03/2019 15:17

However if you had asked me six months ago my answer would have been no.

Citalopram has changed all that though. Life hasn't really changed but I have.

It's really saved my marriage and my relationship with my children.

I no longer feel like crying every day or that life is pointless.

Princess1066 · 30/03/2019 15:33

I live from day to day - my happiness depends on how my 22 year old DS is - he is on the ASD spectrum & suffers from anxiety, depression & paranoia - some days are good - some bad & some in between - it's exhausting - am lucky to have great DH & very understanding employer - love my job (Nursery Nurse in Day Care) my horse & dogs help to keep me sane - Flowers to everyone who is struggling

Princess1066 · 30/03/2019 15:34

Oh & escitalopram has been a life saver for my own anxiety depression & OCD

BarrenFieldofFucks · 30/03/2019 15:40

Contented here.

speakout · 30/03/2019 15:43

Another happy here- very content with life.

Limensoda · 30/03/2019 15:48

I'm happy some days and fed up other days and mostly just ok.
When I'm really down I try to think of everything I should be grateful for but if that doesn't work I just wallow in self pity until it wears off.

onemoretryagain · 30/03/2019 16:30

@FissionChips I'm at meh too. It's not too bad, but things could be better. I'm not a material person, but of course certain things I need money for, like at least 3 pairs of socks etc.

I'd like another baby but that isn't happening and I've put off career stuff hoping it would. But I'm not sad in the sense that I have lovely DS and enjoy my daily life. I love getting outside walking with my DS and DDog

Slazengerbag · 30/03/2019 16:43

I’m happy. I have had years of anti depressants and therapy and I suffered badly with anxiety (not being able to leave the house for 12 months anxiety) and I never thought I would feel like I do now.

I have a husband of 20+ years who I am so happy with. The children are teenagers now so we are re connecting if that makes sense now we have time to do stuff just the two of us. My children are fantastic and I feel very lucky to have never had problems with any of them. I love my job. I get s huge sense of satisfaction from it. The new role I took on in September is very different from what I did before and I feel that this is what I was always meant to do. We own our own home. We could always do with more money for holidays and to do all of the renovations we would like to do but it wouldn’t necessarily make me any happier.

I used to be jealous of everyone. Not in a nasty way but I had a gnawing feeling that everyone was so much better and happier than I was. They aren’t. All of the perfect marriages aren’t perfect at all. Everyone has flaws. Dave and Mary next door may seem from the outside that they have the perfect life but actually Mary is a constant nag because Dave is a lazy shit.

I just learnt to be content with what I have. I am so lucky that I don’t have to rely on foodbanks or worry about how to pay my bills. I have a supportive family and great friends. I wouldn’t wish for anyone else’s life for all the money in the world.

edgen2019 · 30/03/2019 16:43

Neither happy nor unhappy, but that's the hand of cards I've been dealt.

WillGymForPizza · 30/03/2019 16:49

Honestly, no not really. I feel very unfulfilled and feel like I'm missing something. I have a job, a roof over my head, good physical health and people that care about me but I haven't felt truely happy for a long time.

Vitalogy · 30/03/2019 16:53

Happiness: the absence of pain - Eddie Vedder

Skiingismylife · 30/03/2019 16:53

A few years ago I’d have burst our crying at the question I was so unhappy. Today I’d give u a big smile and a loud YES.

I made the changes I needed towards the life I wanted to be in rather than the one I should be in. Dh was alsosaying the same crap as yours because he was too unhappy but scared of change.

You cannot always make changes and not always you will succeed but... if you can you must. You owe to all those that would but can’t.
Trying to be happy is not greeedy not sinful.

speakout · 30/03/2019 16:55

I used to be jealous of everyone. Not in a nasty way but I had a gnawing feeling that everyone was so much better and happier than I was. They aren’t. All of the perfect marriages aren’t perfect at all. Everyone has flaws. Dave and Mary next door may seem from the outside that they have the perfect life but actually Mary is a constant nag because Dave is a lazy shit.

So true. I am jealous of no one.