DD best friend + drinking

[MrsKahlo]

NC as outing. Asking for genuine advice.

Cut a long story short but try not to drip feed.

DD16 and her best friend (call her S) are inseparable. Spend most days together and all.weekends. have boyfriends but always put each other first.

S comes from a working class family and parents are both functioning alcoholics. S is a good kid but maybe a bit too.mature for her age? V opinionated and 'lefty political' which is catching with DD. Both attend rallies etc but S ability to judge before speaking often makes things awkward. I digress.

S family took DD away for long weekend last year so myself and DH reciprocated and have both girls plus my DS1 (DS2 at home with friends) away for long weekend.

Girls have been allowed to drink responsibly before when on holiday or at home on occasion. Last night S got so drunk at a local bar she fell over and couldn't get up and we had to ask for a golf cart to get her home.

I'm worried she's following in her parents footsteps and my DD will follow suit. She is suitably ashamed of herself today but I fear about this friendship. AIBU to cool this friendship when they return home?

How do you know S’ parents are functioning alcoholics? Did your DD tell you this or are you making assumptions due to their class? As a MC child of functioning alcoholics, one of the most difficult things was that others simply did not accept that this was happening. If they are “functioning”, then it is usually well-hidden.

In any case, being that child has made me teetotal as an adult. It’s possible that S will go the same way. And if you want to establish healthy boundaries with your DD, re: alcohol that starts with you. Focussing on a particular friend will only irritate your DD and make her more stubborn.

If the other parents took your DD away for a weekend and she got so drunk that she couldn't walk, would you not be angry that the responsible parents did not supervise the girls and let them drink as much as they wanted?

You can’t encourage a 16 yr old’s friendships 😂 Once you’re not arranging playdates that’s the end of that.
You say your DD drank the same amount so really it’s just down to the fact S can’t handle her drink as well. Maybe it’ll be a shock to her too.
Middle class people can also be alcoholics, have DV issues etc. It’s just hidden better.

One of my son's has an addiction to cannabis and I'm very very wary of allowing anything into DD life that is going to be similarly addictive.

How has your son become addicted to cannabis, isn’t he from the same ‘nice’ family as your DD?

People are calling you a snob because you are one and a contradictory/ hypocritical one at that, given your son is a stoner.

I can see that scapegoating S is more convenient than accepting that your DD isn’t the innocent you desperately want her to be. Talk to your DD about responsible alcohol consumption and stop blaming all your DD’s negative behaviours on S. Parent your DD, trying to trap her in what I assume is a middle class bubble (which will not protect her from alcohol abuse, DV etc) isn’t parenting. Your DD is xploring boundaries it’s what 16 year olds do and your job is to support her in learning to do those safely but quite frankly, given your son’s addition, I would say the threat is a lot closer to home.

Sorry, your son smokes cannabis because someone who lives in the same area as S forced him to? What the fuck has that got to do with S? Am I to be held accountable for my neighbours actions now?

Well maybe you should try stopping your precious darlings from being friends with those horrible working class people over on the estate. Godforbid she may take up other bad habits like shopping at the co-op instead of Waitrose!

For the record- some of the worst instatsnces that I’ve know of personally happen in the middle class.

Your post reeks of so much ‘stereotypical crap’ it’s laughable. If they are so ‘bad’ why do YOUR children want to hang around with them? Either:-

a) your children don’t see money, class etc, as a sticking point to friendship, in which case well done you’ve done a really good job with your children on that one.

Or

b) if you brought your children up so well, away from all this ‘bad’ stuff, then why have both your children gravitated towards the estate?🤔🤔🤔

You lost me at 'working class' and 'lefty political'

Allowing 16 year olds some supervised wine or beers is not the same as allowing them to drink cocktails in a bar. That is unsafe.

Sixteen year old children drinking strong alcohol cocktails. Enough to fall over.

If that had happened on their watch you'd be banning your daughter from hanging around with those working class nasties in a thrice.

But it happened on your watch so you're banning your daughter from hanging around with those working class nasties.

Seems legit.

Just 😂.

Op, until you start to take some responsibility and ensure your kids take responsibility and stop blaming everyone else for their behaviour, you're going to find your problems simply continue to escalate.

Your kids drink and do drugs. Accept it. It's their choice. They are not some innocents being led astray.

And you sitting in a restaurant attached whilst the two girls got wankers is beyond belief. You were supposed to be the guardian there. What the hell were you thinking? And to now blame the girl as a bad influence is simply embarrassing for you.

Grow up and take your and their responsibilities seriously and stop trying to blame everyone else.

Your DC are their own people and have chose to drink and do drugs, it has nothing to do with ‘S’. I hung around with people like S (who in my opinion seems like a normal 16 yo girl) and I never touched drugs and stopped drinking at the age of 15. Your DC have a choice, don’t punish other people because you aren’t happy with the choices they’ve made

You lost me when you referred to her friend as a 'lefty'. What is wrong with that?

're the lefty comment. It's justified. She quotes Karl Marx all the time and it gets tiring

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Ican see I've come across badly here.

I've spoken with both girls today.

S is looking very green at the gills and is still ashamed of herself which I'm.pleased about.

Turns out they got friendly with a group of teens earlier in the night who had let them try a cocktail hence why they had started on them.

I appreciate the not blaming others for my kids perspectives but equally there are so many threads here talking about negative influences on children and responses are balanced. People are internalizing this because I made a comment about class and you're pretending class doesn't matter when we all know it does.

S perspective on life is different to my DD because of her class experience. Her parents are white collar workers but entry level and uneducated. Ex council house. S doesn't believe in business ownership or home ownership and loves Cornyn. We have worked hard to buy our home and now DD is dismissive about it and thinks it is capitalism.

S get a her beliefs from. Parents. DD copies beliefs. Why is it so hard to then make the leap with behaviours like drinking?

Its probanly getting tiring for s to hear your snobby holier than thou right wing caplitism

Jesus, op, you can't be serious.

You really need to give your head a wobble. I can't believe the stuff you're posting. Are you not embarrassed by yourself?

😳

Ah blame the working class for your children's addictions! Nice!

I'm struggling to believe the op is real. No one in their right mind thinks only working class kids experiment with drink, no one.

She is a narrow minded snob that is why plus deluded

People are internalizing this because I made a comment about class and you're pretending class doesn't matter when we all know it does.

Just wow.

And yes I agree, class matters. You have none.

Sincerely, someone from a working class background.

You think DD gets her beliefs from S? I rather uspect DD gets her beliefs from being embarrassed by having a pompous snobby cow for a mother.

Jeez, you don't think much of your own kids do you? You don't seem to think they are capable of making sensible decisions for themselves and that the dreadful working classes will lead them astray no matter what.

I always remember my nan telling my mum 'teach them right from wrong, hope for the best and make sure you're there to pick up the pieces if needs be'. Good advice.

I had my formative drinking experiences wither kids of raging alcoholics. And the school communist. Maybe they’d be acceptable to you because it took place in one of the country’s finest boarding schools, the alcoholics were titles and the school communist lives off her enormous trust funds?!
Teenagers will experiment with drink, religion / political mania and it’s not their friends’ “fault” but if you have a 16 year old child in your care, it is entirely your responsibility if you permit them to get falling over drunk. Take responsibility.