Do you judge women who don’t want kids?

[Ellabella989]

I’m in my early 30s and have decided I never want kids. Literally every single female who I’ve confided in about this, from family members to friends to work colleagues, have been incredibly judgemental and told me i’ll be missing out and will eventually regret it and could potentially spend my later years very lonely if my partner dies before me.
AIBU to find these opinions very irritating? I don’t list all the reasons to them why I think their way of life is less appealing to mine so I don’t see why I have to sit back and basically be told I’m a freak for not wanting kids. Maybe I just know some very judgemental people :-(

OMG so rude. It's the height of bad manners to comment on someone's family size.

No I don't judge. I am aware there are as many reasons as there are individuals who are child free. A child free life opens many doors and offers many possibilities.

Sometimes I feel a wee bit jealous of women with no children even though I'm happy to be a mum. I suspect this feeling is not unusual.

I would tell people who say crap stuff to you that you know they are secretly jealous of you. Ask them if they enjoy lie ins and reading books on holiday and having more time and money to spend on themselves. If they persist and are very rude tell them you have heard that pretty much every Mum has incontinence issues 😉 and laugh at them.

I so agree, Sandy, or drag their children into a 'blended' set up with some dickhead and get pregnant by him, too, creating an even bigger shitshow, and men who go about being baby daddies.

As a women, you'll be judged whatever you do, mother's are judged especially single or young mothers, if you work and have children, if you're gay.

Not RTFT but I’d never judge per se but I do get fucking irritated being judged for having children by some female contemporaries at work and friends.

My position is this: I have abolsutely no issue with anyone’s choices and if that means to be child-free well great, that’s excellent.

Just don’t make my life out to be a massive drudge and that I’m missing out on some fabulous alternative existence because I’ve chosen to pop out a couple of bairns.

As a women, you'll be judged whatever you do, mother's are judged especially single or young mothers, if you work and have children, if you're gay
The judgement nearly always come from another woman, I don't see the point.

OP when people come out with the "meet the right man" crap, I am also baffled because - how would he be the right man if he wanted children?!

I experienced the opposite. I was 29 when pregnant with my first, and the first of anyone I knew. I got a lot of people telling me that they were never having children and all the reasons why.

I think envy is far too strong a word, because if they really, genuinely wanted to be childfree...they could put their DC up for adoption.

They really couldn't, you know.

No I wouldn't judge a man or woman for that. I have many friends who have chosen not to and they have wonderful lives.

I'm not having children. I work with them so get this a lot from work colleagues and families I work with. I've even been called selfish. Surely it's more selfish to bring an unwanted child into the world?

My hairdresser once said but who would look after you when you're old? Maybe tongue in cheek but not a reason to bring a child into this crazy world for me.

I've been around children my whole adult life from nephews and nieces to friends kids and my godchildren. I love them all dearly but I don't want to do it myself. I know how hard it is, I know how amazing parents can feel and that's great for them! If I do regret it ( I won't) We could adopt or foster if we felt the need to.

As it stands I love my lifestyle but it won't always stop some judging that I'll never experience the fulfilment of motherhood.

No not at all. The day I'd be prepared to pace the floor at from 2am-4am with their wailing baby is the day I can judge. Until then its none of my business.!!!
I bet the ones who judge are also the ones who who are the first to say. "If you can't feed them. Don't breed them.

I didn't have a child until I was 46. I had many years of having people imply that a childless life was not worth living. I didn't plan to get pregnant but realised I quite liked the idea when I was. So I did. I love DD to bits but, had I continued with no DC, I'd have been absolutely fine.

My hairdresser once said but who would look after you when you're old? Maybe tongue in cheek but not a reason to bring a child into this crazy world for me.

And not particularly fair on the child in question, either. I should know: my parents live rurally. I've a city job and have no intention of ever moving back to the country. I have a sister, but she's married halfway across the world.

No idea how I'm going to handle my parents getting frail and not being able to look after themselves. But it weighs on my mind and I feel horrible and guilty for categorically not wanting to move to a hamlet.

I really try hard not to judge. I really don't want to be a judgemental person and I hope I don't get a lot of crap for this, but I am being entirely honest that I do judge a bit in the sense that I feel people are missing out. My beloved sister doesn't want children and I feel secretly sad for her. The love of a child is just incomparable to anything else. I'm sorry but it is. Until I had children I felt my life was absolutely wonderful, I wasn't missing anything although I knew I wanted children too. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this post so I'm not going to return as I don't want it to upset me. But I have to say it out loud that having a child is monumentally perception shifting and life changing in a way you cannot describe. I'm totally jealous of all the freedom of child free people. But I would not change it for a million worlds. So yes, I judge. Sorry.

I wouldn't judge. We all make choices.

However it was on the Today programme this morning that over 60s without children are the most unhappy

Lovingit81, as a child free person I’ve made it a personal mission not to pay any attention to people who start sentences ‘I’m sorry but...’. What follows is usually nonsense. YABU

I would never judge a woman who didn't want kids. For me personally,I can't imagine my life without having had a child,but I totally understand that it's not for everyone.

I wouldn’t judge you AT ALL!
It’s a choice you’re entitled to make.

If we were long term friends and you told me this, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid but if we’d recently met I would sum up that you and I were quite different and maybe consider that a long term friendship might not work out.

The friends I have who don’t want children (several of them) are quite vocal about how i’ll ‘Ruin everything’ and ‘wreck my life’ by having them and I find that equally shitty xx

Although I do have a suspicion that people who choose to not have children may have a slightly selfish or self-centred and controlling streak about their personality and character. In my experience they tend to be not the most go-with-the-flow, take it all in their stride type people and are easily thrown off balance by situations where they don't have complete control over the outcome. It's easy to see why the idea of children might horrify them.

And you sounded so reasonable up to that point....!!!!

In my experience people who criticise or ‘feel sorry for’ women who don’t want kids have a narrow-minded streak about their personality and character. It’s easy to see why the idea that other people think differently might horrify them.

No one EVER says that to people who do plan on having children though

Not true - when I got married (relatively young) I lost several friendships from people who assumed we were going to start a family straight away and wanted none of it, and one who when I said we'd like to have children in the future said cuttingly "god our paths really are diverging".

Jokes on them though as we then waited several years and due to fertility issues took another ten years to have our two, by which time the diverging friend had produced three.

Reading all the posts that feel sorry for people like me or think I am missing out. I honestly cannot understand how you can be so narrow minded to think that every one feels the same as you. I do wonder if you need to validate your own choices by the fact that somehow childfree life is less of a life than having children.

I can honestly say my life would be miserable with children, hence choosing the life I have.

I have one dd (9), but I get the same comments about having more dc. I was single for years and if I had a pound for every time I heard "when you meet the right man" Arghhhhh. As if I'm being silly and one day a clever man will come along and bring me to my baby making senses. Fuck. Off.

As all species are programmed to procreate it does make it all a bit 'what was the point of that' at the end of life.*

Really we all die eventually and one day the world will end and we'll just be a blip in time long forgotten so what the hell does it matter if you want to take that route, what's the point in any of it, children or no children. At least those not having children aren't adding to overpopulation.

@MeteorGarden92

If we’d recently met I would sum up that you and I were quite different and maybe consider that a long term friendship might not work out.

Why would you not want to be friends with someone who didn't want/have children?!

I judge them, they judge me, we all judge each other. So long as everyone keeps their mouths shut it’s all good.