To wish schools ignored mother's/father's day

[formerbabe]

I remember when I was growing up, a child in my primary school class lost her mum...next mother's day, we all made mother's day cards at school and she was told to make a card for her dad

I lost my mum when I was in secondary school...I hated mothers day.

So many children may have lost parents, have absent parents and all sorts of different situations which make these days hard for them.

Aibu in thinking schools should just ignore these days and not get the children to make cards?

I still remember being about 7 and this little boy in my class had lost his Mum a few years before, I can actually see him crying in the corner while we were all making Mother’s Day cards and he was doing one for his Dad.

I kind of agree tbh, it’s a bit unnecessary.

Yeah, it's unnecessary

Our school make mothers day cards but never fathers day strangely

Agreed. Must be so horrible for children who've lost a parent.

Our school make mothers day cards but never fathers day strangely

Because its much more common to have an absent father than an absent mother.

I lost my father as a child but never hated making Father’s Day cards at school. I think it depends on how the school approach it. My son’s school make cards but they go around each child seperately and ask who they want to make the card for so it can be for a mum, nan, aunt. They do not put emphasis on it being for mums.

For years, if my kids didn't make anything at school then I wouldn't have anything for mothers day.

But I also see how it's sad for a kid in this position. I imagine kids in care will also feel low.

What would be nice, seeing as a kid will still be aware of mothers or fathers day being near, is if schools had something meaningful for kids coping with loss. I know it would need funding, but for the kids to have the opportunity to access something therapeutic would surely be an idea. Or for the mothers day activity to be tweaked so whatever was being made was a generic thing to give to someone you love (mothers or fathers or family or caregiver or teacher?). I don't know. I've an idea of what I mean but I'm still fuzzy from being poorly.

The amount of anguish it creates for both mums and their children, it should just be completely cancelled

I agree. Schools can be insensitive about children’s circumstances. It’s a horrible practice for some children.

don't do them with my Brownie pack for the same reasons. It just isn't necessary.

I must say I agree and never really thought about a child that has lost a parent.😕. It’s not really needed and it should be kept out of schools.

When I looked after other people's children as a Foster carer it often caused unnecessary upset to many children. Mothering Sunday itself can bring so much distress to both the children and to the mother who can't be with them for whatever reason.

Yes, there’s no need for school to get involved in any preparations, and of course it will hurt some children - who need more loving support around this time, not a kick-in-the-teeth reminder of what they don’t have.

Yabu. It doesn’t bother me if I don’t get a card etc, and of course it goes without saying that anyone who has lost a parent is going to find it hard. But in truth we cannot avoid all situations in life where someone might find it difficult or has had a hard time. Where does that end?

Never celebrate birthdays because someone is a JW and they don’t do birthdays? No Christmas stuff because of other religions? Or even because someone had a difficult Christmas for whatever reason/parents can’t afford extravagant christmases etc?

Rather than just banning this and that there needs to be the right levels of support available to children who have had a hard time but still have to exist in a world where others have not.

Yanbu. I think it’s quite insensitive and unnecessary.

Our school does a ‘caring lunch’ on the friday before mothers/ fathers day
You can bring in anyone who you want who loves you.

Im being snubbed on friday my 8 year old is taking his 16 year old brother instead.

I think the endless lunches and events and assemblies for grandparents or parents is far worse than 30 mins making a card. They should be scrapped.

Not only for children who have lost these special people, but parents that work, grandparents who live in other countries. It's endless tears in this household because me and their dad can't just cancel a meeting to sit and watch them sing a song for the 3rd time this month. My parents live in my home country and they're never here when these things happen. I hate it. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if you were sat in a room full of grandparents knowing yours had just passed away.

I think it will be easier, short term, for schools to ignore them. But I don't think long term it's of benefit to anyone.

They have lost a parent, it hurts, it is meant to hurt. But the grief has to be processed and not hidden away as much as possible. Perhaps a child could make a card to remember their parent by instead? Or for another special person, uncle, grandfather, big brother, etc.

I'm floundering here, because my DSs father isn't around for the first time, so they are suffering the loss, but I'm not going to ignore Father's Day when it comes around. DS2 already says he just pretends nothing has happened and tries to forget about it. Not a great long term solution, and I'm going to arrange counselling for it.

For Father's Day I think I'll try to change the focus of it.

Or for the mothers day activity to be tweaked so whatever was being made was a generic thing to give to someone you love (mothers or fathers or family or caregiver or teacher?). I don't know. I've an idea of what I mean but I'm still fuzzy from being poorly.
This is what I used to do. I was very aware of children who had lost or were, for any reason, without a mother or father at home. I was a bit surprised when a boy told me he was making the card for his grandad although he did have two parents, 'Lovely' I thought until he told me he would put it on his grave at the weekend. I tactfully tried to suggest his Mum would appreciate getting it but he wouldn't be budged. Fair enough, his choice.

Prinstress that's so sad. You'd think schools would not do an activity like that when they know a 7yr old had lost his mum!

I think Mothers Day should be done quietly and within the family. It always makes me sad to see it plastered all over Facebook too. I couldn't have children and it always makes me a bit sad on Mother's Day, plus I know a lot of people have no longer got their mums around.

My kids school was really thoughtful when it came to cards - those who had lost parents had the choice to make for an alternative person, do something else in the classroom or leave the room altogether - and they made a fuss of the kids with special treats, strawberry milk and they made a bird table for the nature area that year (I was a parent volunteer). But for those parents who otherwise wouldn't get a card, one made by their child is priceless - you have to weigh up the greater good

The caring lunch is all well and good if you have family or someone that will turn up. What about the ones who’s parents are useless and don’t care enough to go? Do they sit and watch this lovely caring lunch or are they excluded and sit out? It’s never ending and some child is always going to feel sad at some point in the school year because life isn’t fair.

But for those parents who otherwise wouldn't get a card, one made by their child is priceless - you have to weigh up the greater good

I'd happily forgo a handmade card if it made things easier for a bereaved child. Surely all parents would agree with that? If not, I'd question whether someone with so little empathy should be a parent in the first place.

Not just losing parents Op,my Ds is home today inconsolable after an advert for MD on tv last night.
My Dd died suddenly sept 2017 ,she always took him to buy cards & flowers (big age gap) .

I agree it is insensitive to those without a mother. However, as a single mum the gifts and cards my children make at school are the only recognition I get as they aren’t old enough to go to the shops. It’s only one day and no big deal but it is nice to have some appreciation. Maybe they should make it optional like school clubs so those who want to take part do it privately in the school hall for example. Sorry for all your losses.