To wish schools ignored mother's/father's day

[formerbabe]

I remember when I was growing up, a child in my primary school class lost her mum...next mother's day, we all made mother's day cards at school and she was told to make a card for her dad

I lost my mum when I was in secondary school...I hated mothers day.

So many children may have lost parents, have absent parents and all sorts of different situations which make these days hard for them.

Aibu in thinking schools should just ignore these days and not get the children to make cards?

My DH died suddenly 18 months ago when our son was five. I think it's healthy and right that he still makes cards for his daddy. He still has a father! He just can't be in the room with us any more and I'm helping my child to talk.about his dad naturally and frequently. Death is part of life and we shouldn't shy from it. Avoiding making mother's and father's day cards is doing a disservice to that person who still needs to feature in a child's life.

There are 101 reasons why a child may not have their biological mother or father in their life but they will have somebody caring for them doing the 'job' that a mum......

Not everyone even has that .

@BatFace1 still get the card it's therapeutic to write (I found) the flower and sit in quiet reflection? The first year is total shit, first birthday, first Christmas etc. Xx

Strongly agree - any potential benefits of this kind of activity for DC/parents are far outweighed by the potential detriment to a minority of DC in difficult circumstances.

Strongly agree - any potential benefits of this kind of activity for DC/parents are far outweighed by the potential detriment to a minority of DC in difficult circumstances.

@youknowmedontyou I just might do that. Considering it now. Sorry to hear of your loss too

So many sad stories on this thread...

to all of you

I'm horrified that so many schools just carry on with mothers/fathers day cards etc regardless of children's actual circumstances. In every school I've worked in, we've been aware of children's circumstances and acted accordingly. I've also known counselling or various therapies to be available in school to help bereaved children so support is out there for schools to access. To ignore what a child is going through is abhorrent.

I'm just wondering whether young school children would even know it was Mothers' Day if their teachers didn't tell them and ask them to make cards.

I agree op. It's on a Sunday, always, so it would be easy for the schools to just avoid. My ds is in reception (he is my eldest )and they're doing a lot, they've made cards and a present of some description, they've written invitation letters to a special Mother's Day afternoon on Friday and then they'll be making biscuits for the afternoon itself. Some of the mums who can't make it because of work are already worried about it, I shudder to think how awful it would be for dc who had lost their mum. Ds has only been in school since last September and I already think that these 'special afternoons' aren't worth the distress they cause for dc whose parents can't make it- more so for this particular one.

Thank you @Bleurghthatisall & @SnowyAlpsandPeaks ,it is a hard time for us but Ds is finding it particularly difficult at the moment.
It's horrible because there isn't anything I can do ,nothing is helping .

@lms2017 you sound like a really lovely,thoughtful teacher but sadly not all are like you. The teacher my DS had when DD died made no allowance whatsoever for his grief.

@Gaunyersel you are right ,it is abhorrent but it happens ,not everyone cares . And not all schools have access to help for a grieving ,traumatised children. My Ds has had 12 sessions with a play therapist provided & paid for by a charity.
He's on waiting lists everywhere else still.
It's unbelievable just how bad it is .

@Bleurghthatisall I'm also so sorry that you understand what it's like
Lots of for all of you on here finding it difficult because of grief or sadness 💜

watcher Nothing in place for my grandson either.
He was still fetching home letters addressed to his mum until I went into the school, and even then I felt like a nuisance.

I lost my mum when I was 5. I hated making cards. I also remember crying when we were learning about Egyptians and being told we were going to talk about mummies. Was a relief to find out they didn’t mean our mothers. 😖

I think even weirder is kids making valentine stuff it's just weird.
Yes I agree unnecessary really

I hate it. My kids dad is absent and the thought of them making a card for him
makes me sick, I hate having to address it to every new teacher aswell because I feel there is still a stigma/judgment so hate bringing it up. Luckily manage to void it last year as they were off sick!

@OldAndWornOut that is just so terrible
And I wish I could say I was surprised but sadly I'm not because I know how bad it is & although people are sorry,it's too late when the hurt is done,especially for children.

I am so very sorry for you & your grandson,it's hard enough with the pain & grief without having to deal with constant mistakes like that.
Extra flowers for you lovely lady

very upsetting for children who do not have a mother ,, they should not make cards in school

I hope that everyone who wants this banned from schools is writing to their head teachers.

It would be pointless to complain on here but not to the people you disagree with.

I think last year at DD's school, they had a big general arts and crafts afternoon just before mother's Day and the teacher suggested making something for mother's Day, along with quite a few other options. I think most kids did Mother's day cards so I suppose you could still feel left out if you'd lost your mother but it's not quite as blatant.

We've spoken to the head Family,she was brilliant & has been very supportive.
Unfortunately,individual teachers & the LEA not so much .

And as I've said ,it's not just about Mother's Day ,it's a lot more than that .
It's about the support systems that should be in place for children when they are going through trauma & the bereavement of a parent or someone very significant.

My friend, a primary teacher, is doing 'card for someone you love' afternoon. She'll be telling the kids it could be for a mum, dad, sibling, friend, absolutely anyone. She has one child in her class with a deceased mum as well as a child with two dads.

My children’s school only makes a big deal of it in reception, seemingly a week of crafts and discussion with an assembly on Friday. My mum died when I was a teenager, so after many years of hating Mother’s Day I’m very much looking forward to seeing what they’ve done and being part of it again. However, I would hope that - as the school knows everyone’s individual circumstances - this wouldn’t be going ahead if there was anyone in the class who’s Mum wasn’t around for whatever reason. Maybe that’s naive.

YANBU

My mother died - very suddenly - when I was 10 & for years & years Mother’s Day felt like a peculiar sort of torture. My younger sister & I were made to go up with the other Brownies & Guides to get the wee bunch of daffodils at church parade to “give to someone else” or “take to her grave”. Lovely. Similarly crafts & cards we were expected to make for our aunt or our granny (because our mother’s younger sister would clearoyblove a reminder about her beloved sibling being dead; or we could just remind our grandmother she’d outlived her daughter: excellent plan that). I’d only the one year at primary school & I ended up being off sick with tonsillitis. My wee sister came home having made a card for me, climbed into my [single] bed with me & cried herself to sleep. Roaring success, that.

I’ve never done Mother’s Day or Father’s Day things with my Brownies. Too many children in complicated family set-ups & - as several PPs have said - for bereaved children it can be incredibly painful. I think all of us here who’ve had the experience of early parent loss have said we found the stuff round the relevant day difficult, in fact. Making a card for someone else is bloody awful, frankly; ditto making one to leave at a grave or crematorium (if I’d left a card at the crem it’d probably have been eaten &/or crapped on by a marauding goose) - it highlights the whole You Will Never See Your Parent Again [in this life] thing & magnifies the sense of loss & your parent being out of reach. Choosing to draw/write/create something for/to/as a means of communicating with or commemorating a parent who’s died is one thing. Being forced to do it alongside peers who’re making things for their very-much-alive parents = totally different, and really grim, experience.