To wish schools ignored mother's/father's day

[formerbabe]

I remember when I was growing up, a child in my primary school class lost her mum...next mother's day, we all made mother's day cards at school and she was told to make a card for her dad

I lost my mum when I was in secondary school...I hated mothers day.

So many children may have lost parents, have absent parents and all sorts of different situations which make these days hard for them.

Aibu in thinking schools should just ignore these days and not get the children to make cards?

Like a pp said, I appreciate it's sad for children missing parents but where does it end...? Do we ignore celebrating birthdays, xmas, Diwali, Ramadan etc etc for fear of offending someone?

We're not talking about people being 'offended', we're talking about children who have suffered a devastating loss being allowed the small concession of not having a class activity which specifically reminds them of their deceased parent's absence. Where are you anticipating that leading?

I have always been sad that my daughter's school has never made cards. There are 101 reasons why a child may not have their biological mother or father in their life but they will have somebody caring for them doing the 'job' that a mum or dad would be doing. The class teacher should know the child's family/home set up so can adapt how they tell the class what they are making cards for. We made cards for Mothering Sunday and Father's Day etc in my Primary School days (1980s) yet even then there were children who lived in 'non traditional nuclear families' - it's hardly a new concept. It's a bit of cardboard with a flower drawn on.

Charity PP has now acknowledged that she got it wrong

I actually came on thinking you were being U, but actually after reading the comments I'm prepared to say I was wrong, and that you're not at all unreasonable.

We should take into consideration bereaved children (and bereaved parents). It's bad enough to have it all over social media and television; adverts staring out at you from shop windows and buses.

I like the idea of a general appreciation day - however, as a PP said, shouldn't we be teaching our children that EVERY day should be an appreciation day for people we love?

@bookmum08 but it's Mother's Day. Not Carerofthechild Day.

Why on earth are you sad that your child's school have never made cards?

My 7 year old niece sobbed her way through the Father's Day card making after being told to do one for her mum instead (he is dead).

The following year she refused and made one for his grave but then came home and broke her little heart all night. She just wanted to be like the other kids and she misses her dad.

So it's not just a bit of card with a flower on. How insensitive are you?

It is really sad for some DC
I know in DDs school they ask each child, they should stop it if it effects those that can't.
When DD was a junior say P1 they madw father's day cards, she told me one little boy had to post his card far away, I was thinking heaven or another country, I asked where did he post it, She answered to the prison, he is jailed as naturally as she could.

@SimonJT so sorry

I am in tears over some of these posts. I really think the card making is not neccessary on MD or FD. If need be, an appreciation day card would be great. So many children lose their parents too young and their little hearts cannot cope with this insensitive classroom ‘ritual’ on top of it all.

It’s not an age old tradition about celebrating your mother. It comes from people in service going home to visit their ‘mother church’.

It is now, of course an opportunity for shops to make money. And an easy activity that kids will be amenable to do in school time.

I don’t like it, it’s lazy and upsetting for people. I also don’t like my children being emotionally pressured to buy or make things to make me happy. I’ve already taught them how to be good people thanks very much. School barely copes with maths and English so don’t give me that teaching a moral compass rot.

I lost my mum age 3 and the anniversary is usually very close to Mother’s Day.
My primary school were fantastic, I always had the option of what I wanted to do that afternoon. I could make any family member or friend a card, I could go help the office or the head teacher with special jobs (one year I organised his sticker tin for him, think I was reception or year1 then), or I could go and help reception class and read with the little ones or help with their lesson, I think one year I helped my friend do her mums card as she had a broken arm.
The school were always fantastic, and very supportive to my dad and would always talk about my mum with me if I wanted to. Also for the anniversary they would always help me make something special to take to the grave.

There is no hiding from Mother’s Day, have you seen what every shop looks like for the month before? I don’t think schools should ignore it I just think they should be sensitive to it and their approach.

watcher, your poor DS - I’m so sorry, from someone who understands

I think mothers/fathers days are a bit ridiculous tbh, and definitely not needed to celebrate in schools! At least Christmas/Easter etc have some religious undertones so a learning opportunity there.

Children aren't inherently distressed or traumatised by the idea of not celebrating a festival of a religion which they are not part of.
Big holiday celebrations are notoriously difficult for people who have lost close relatives.

But similarly, every day is difficult for a child who has lost somone. It isn’t only “special” days which upset them.

I agree I'm the sense that I'd rather a bereaved child wasn't made up happy just so I can have another card. But then when it's say Mothers Day and they have no one else to take them to buy a card I guess being able to make one at school is a good thing??

It's so hard. Schools need to be more sensitive. They should know if X child lives with Mom and Dad, Mom and Mom, Dad and Dad, Mom, Dad, Nanny and Grandad, Aunty Carol, Mandy, Bob, etc. Surely they can word it so as to minimise any upset

Do they really need to be pissing about scribbling on cards at school anyway? And the ‘pc gorn mad’ types wittering about ‘offending everyone’ do whatever you want in your home, no one cares, but there’s something called empathy you’re lacking and you’re embarrassing yourselves.

I hated being made to make cards at school for my abusive mother and paedo father. The foster kids I know hate it too, they don’t have parents or anyone consistently in their lives who care about them and the schools making them do cards just highlights their private lives to their classmates. Schools are for educating, leave people’s private business out of class.

Yep. Scrap it.

I agree op. I am sorry you lost your mum, how awful for you at such a young age.

It causes as much pain for some people as it does joy. Schools should absolutely be aware of the impact on the children. There may be some that have parents that are terminally ill or very sick in other ways, and this may cause anxiety for them too.

whitesoxx it's Mothering Sunday if we are going to be picky. Card Shops have been selling 'alternative' Mother's Day cards for absolutely years ("you're like a mum to me" etc). It isn't a new concept to give a Mother's Day card to someone who isn't your biological mum. Obviously children who have had their mum pass away then the teacher needs to decide how best it may be for that specific child. I understand Mother's Day will be unbelivably difficult for a child who has lost their mum but every circumstance is different.
I am sad my daughter has never had the chance to make homemade cards at school more because it's this type of activity (arts and crafts) that has been pushed aside in schools.

No yabbers it isn't only special days that upset them. But this card making can be specifically and easily avoided.

My niece says it's one of the very worst things she's gone through. She felt so different and so isolated.

And she's lost her dad. Her little sister who wasn't born yet when he died will have to go through it too.

I'm now 15 years without my mother, and I can say that more than the anniversary of her passing, more than her birthday, my birthday, xmas or anything else, it is Mother's Day that hurts and probably always will. Back when it happened I was at secondary and struggled to cope every day. I couldn't even begin to imagine being a small child.

I get that it's lovely to be shown appreciation from your kids but at the end of the day, you get to have them and love them and them you, every day. It is so important to show a kindness to those who don't have that.

@bookmum08 wish it had been pushed aside in my nieces school.

I feel disgusted that there are mothers like you saying it's just a bit of card with a flower on (whilst being sad you didn't get one ), that would rather these children go through this pain in the classroom than you not get said scrap of card.

It's nasty and selfish

Having been dragged up in a children's home with no parents, I remember these times very well, the fact we didn't partake was just further alienation and more fodder for all the kids with parents to bully us, but then as we had no parents to fight our corner we were always found to be the instigators of the bullying and punished for it... I wouldn't worry about kids in care "feeling low" at this time of year, believe me school made us feel low every day of the year

I can't believe they still do this! I'm in my 40s and every year at school I would wonder why they did this...I really hoped it would be over and done with by now.

It was your nieces teacher who was the insensitive one whitesoxx. Of course she misses her Dad, of course she is sad. No child should be forced to make a card if they don't want to and that is the type of situation a good teacher should be aware of. I am sorry your niece suffered but I still believe there is nothing wrong with schools making cards for the children who would like to.

bookmum08 - the point is that there are children who would like to but can't.