To wish schools ignored mother's/father's day

[formerbabe]

I remember when I was growing up, a child in my primary school class lost her mum...next mother's day, we all made mother's day cards at school and she was told to make a card for her dad

I lost my mum when I was in secondary school...I hated mothers day.

So many children may have lost parents, have absent parents and all sorts of different situations which make these days hard for them.

Aibu in thinking schools should just ignore these days and not get the children to make cards?

I can't believe people on here saying YABU! I left primary school 25 years ago and can still remember exactly what it felt like every year when the teacher announced it was time to make father's day cards and I'd have to put my it's fine act on and make one for my grandad. It was shit.

I think the idea of having a general craft time to make something for someone you love is great, it doesn't make kids who have lost a parent be reminded in a really blatant way that they're not as lucky as everyone else but helps them to think about the people they do have in their life.

YANBU. I also think it should be an "Appreciation Day". Let the child make a card for their mum, dad, teacher, NHS staff, police staff, their pet, their grandparents, the planet etc etc

I absolutely would forego all my mothers day cards to save a child's pain and heartache it must cause, anyone that wouldn't are disgusting frankly.

I'm with you 100% on this it should be stopped.

Nurseornot

YANBU. I also think it should be an "Appreciation Day". Let the child make a card for their mum, dad, teacher, NHS staff, police staff, their pet, their grandparents, the planet etc etc

Good idea 👍🙂

Agree. It would make more sense to have a 'special person' day and children can make a card for whoever is special to them.

Both my kids schools handled it reasonably well when they lost their dad, and asked them beforehand, with me present, what they would prefer to do, and giving them a list of options, including not being in the classroom at all when it happened. One child decided to make a card for someone else, the other chose an activity away from the classroom. It worked OK. Obviously as a now single parent, I do cherish the gifts and cards they make at school, as there's no dad to help them facilitate it. I think it's possible to make it work for everyone. It did in our case anyway.

See when I'll have kids they're going to have two dads. Hadn't actually considered what to do on mother's Day - maybe card for dad 1 and then card for dad 2 on father's Day?

Maybe they could just do two cards for both days.

Didn't want to come off greedy

that's actually a much simpler idea

I remember being upset when I was little as I was adopted so I didn't know which mummy I should write a card for. Would have been easier to let me sit it out but no, everyone had to make a mother's Day card

I agree.
A teacher was sacked in a school I am familiar with for gross insensitivity during a Mother's Day art activity toward a child whose mother had just died after a long battle with cancer. This remark was the last straw where the teacher was concerned.

A good many hallowed traditions in schools are not relevant or convenient any more, or can contribute to a huge amount of predictable unhappiness and feelings of being an outsider, but this one stands out and it must have always been the case as bereavement has always happened.

to all who lost a parent when you were young.

Simpler is generally better. And I don't think that's particularly greedy. Although inevitably kids will decide themselves what they want to do if given some options.

That's so sad. Yes, I agree, no need for it in schools. So many kids, up and down the land, are going to hurting this week.

I think it's just life. Lots of things can be upsetting for people in certain situations, but the world keeps turning and people carry on. I think as long as teachers are sensitive to the fact that some children don't have mother's, and make it clear that the card can be for dad, auntie, granny, lady next door, whatever, then it's completely fine to acknowledge Mother's Day in schools. I think it's a bit miserable to have to stop doing things like just because it may cause offense to a minority.

So pregnantsea as long as you get you cute little card then the bereaved child can just fuck off? It does a bit more damage that ‘may cause offense’. Your child has you and you have your child every single day. Isn’t that enough? No? You have to have your cute card from school and couldn’t care less about the distress and exclusion that causes some other children.

As a single mum who has no contact with the dad, a card made by my young dc at school is the only thing I'll get and makes me really happy as it's made with love.

I think it's all about how it's managed in the classroom

^This. IME schools now are sensitive to the circumstances of their pupils and certainly in our school there is the 'well it's Mothers/Fathers Day on Sunday but really it it about appreciating anyone you love ..' talk. It is a very low key, crafty sort of day and my youngest has opted out of making me anything several times and chose to draw a picture instead

As a child with an absent Father Mother's Day always filled me with dread as I knew my Mum was sad that she wasn't getting anything and school was the place where I could make her a card and that relieved my anxiety a lot.

There are many things which distress children in school and remind them that they are not like others; bereavement, disability, being a LAC, having a parent in prison etc but if the school approach issues sensitively with the input of these children (or the option to withdraw) activities can be therapeutic.

My mother was absent and I never knew my father but I don't ever remember feeling sad about making a card, I think my grandma was given it most of the time. I think perhaps if the school insists, then children should instead be taught/told to make a card for their caregiver or somebody they appreciate instead.

Can't believe the insensitivity of some on this thread.

It's not about "causing offence" ffs.

My husband died last year and this year we won’t be doing mother’s day either. It is just another reminder to my children that their dad isn’t here to sneak them out the house usually at the last minute to go and get me a card. Instead this Sunday win our house it’s going to be “children’s day” and they will be waking up to cards and chocolates.

It's definitely about how it's managed as opposed to who the event/activity/day is about. Ultimately everyone has a mother and father. Some are absent. Some are deceased. Some are unable to be with their children for a whole variety of reasons.

My cousin lost his wife when his youngest was just 6 weeks old. He does a marvellous job with his daughter and while Mother's Day is sad for them even now, they celebrate the woman she was.

My youngest dc's classmate lost her mother after a long illness last year. Another child in school lost their mum just a few months ago. The school aren't ignoring Mother's Day for everyone else but are being sensitive to the needs of those children. They are allowed time out, to not participate activities they find difficult. They have arrangements made to help them deal with their feelings on any given day and not just because it's Mother's Day or Christmas or whatever. And I think that's what's important. While Mother's and Father's Day are key dates on a calendar. Dc's classmate lost her mum on the last day of Easter term. There are many, many other dates which will affect children just as much. Their own birthday, their absent parents birthday. The day of their passing. Other days special to them for whatever reason.

We need to remember that one day in a calendar isn't the only day which is going to be difficult and help children deal with that accordingly.

Our school is good, it's called Mothers Day but the kids get some money and can choose a present for whoever they want.

I think it's just life. Lots of things can be upsetting for people in certain situations, but the world keeps turning and people carry on. I think as long as teachers are sensitive to the fact that some children don't have mother's, and make it clear that the card can be for dad, auntie, granny, lady next door, whatever, then it's completely fine to acknowledge Mother's Day in schools. I think it's a bit miserable to have to stop doing things like just because it may cause offense to a minority

Wow, just astounded by your lack of empathy. Judging by your user name, I'm assuming you're about to become a mum for the first time or are already a mum with another on the way... I stupidly assume that other mother's are more empathetic towards children in general but clearly that's not a given.

I’m a primary teacher, and I agree with the OP and others who think the practice should end. Teach your own children how to appreciate you, and give them time and space to make you a card at home. A4 paper and colouring stuff is all they need.

I commented on here yesterday and what I wrote kind of came out wrong and I now realise it was insensitive and have been feeling terrible and uncomfortable since.
I want to apologise to anyone who has been upset by my comment. I didn't mean to cause grief or upset to anyone.
No one has to accept this apology but I am offering it out.
Thank you for reading.

Thank you @bookmum08