To wish schools ignored mother's/father's day

[formerbabe]

I remember when I was growing up, a child in my primary school class lost her mum...next mother's day, we all made mother's day cards at school and she was told to make a card for her dad

I lost my mum when I was in secondary school...I hated mothers day.

So many children may have lost parents, have absent parents and all sorts of different situations which make these days hard for them.

Aibu in thinking schools should just ignore these days and not get the children to make cards?

At my dd's primary there is an assembly only in reception and while it was lovely for me and the other mums, I can still see the little 5 year old girl who looked so sad my heart broke for her.They were made to say a sentence about why they loved their Mum...She said something about her grandmother but she was nearly crying. Why on Earth did the school made her participate I'll never know.

Also my kids have no aunties/grandparents in the Uk and it makes me sad a bit when the endless 'bring a special person in'/ sports day/harvest celebration letters come but of course it's not the school's fault...

My DH lost his brother when brother's kids were quite small. I remember our 7 year old nephew already worrying 6 months beforehand about what he would do on Father's day when the other kids were making cards.

I think in the olden days it probably worked beautifully as the family set up was very typical. But today there's not really any such thing as a typical family set up, so it's far more likely to be causing upset.

It isn't necessary in any way and I'd just get rid of it in schools.

Yanbu it must be so hard on those children

They could change it to 'appreciation day' in schools when it's mother's/father's days and ask kids to make something for a grown up that they love and who helps/cares for them.

That way it's inclusive of all kids.

And whoever said about people have to learn, yes they do. But schooling starts at what, 4? A 4yr old doesn't need to confront feelings which likely confuse the fuck out of them and hurt them.

I have to say though ,I do think if there was more bereavement support & thought for children who's close family member has died then that would be of more help rather than banning making cards .
The cards ,decorations & other Nic nacks made at school by my Dd mean more to me than anything now.

I remember our 7 year old nephew already worrying 6 months beforehand about what he would do on Father's day when the other kids were making cards

That is so sad

I'm another mum who was very grateful for the my children making Mother's Day cards for me in school. I still have a few of these special cards over 40 years later. Never kept any of the beautiful shop bought ones I got as they got older.

Having lost my mother when I was at Primary School it was always horrible around mother's day when everyone was making cards etc (I was encouraged to make a card for my grandma which really pissed me off)- but fathers day was never such a big deal, maybe because it was assumed/ expected that more kids wouldnt have a father around.

They could change it to 'appreciation day' in schools when it's mother's/father's days and ask kids to make something for a grown up that they love and who helps/cares for them

That's a nice idea

At my DCs old school, they decided it was to be a card for a “Special Person” just before mothers’ day. Fair enough. But Father’s Day it was just for fathers!
One of my DDs made a card for DH at the Mother’s Day time, then of course he got another for Father’s Day.
She was only in reception at the time, but I still remind her of it now (she’s 21) 😁

There is no support at all for these children unless you are "lucky" enough to have it via a charity & schools don't have anything in place .

Yanbu absolutely unnecessary. We have special persons day. So it can be absolutely anyone. If its mum, dad, grandparent, godparent, friend or neighbor. Anyone special to the child.

This cuts out all the unecessary emotional hurt for the child.

I’m having to deal with this, having a little boy who isn’t even four crying because he doesn’t have anyone to give his hand print too just isn’t fair. I’m almost pleased he is ill, so he gets to dodge a few days of nursery.

Teaching children to appreciate caregivers such as mothers and fathers is an important thing I think.

It’s not an easy skill to learn to realise others are constantly helping and supporting you but without it, the general fabric of family and society starts to come away and selfishness creeps in.

Mothering Sunday/Fathers Day are small reminders of that.

That’s not to demean the experience of children who have lost a parent, for them, those days may be even more painful but handled sensitively by those around them, could be an opportunity to celebrate their parent and their family, not ignore them.

Bloody tough though. 💐

Like a pp said, I appreciate it's sad for children missing parents but where does it end...? Do we ignore celebrating birthdays, xmas, Diwali, Ramadan etc etc for fear of offending someone?

Like a pp said, I appreciate it's sad for children missing parents but where does it end...? Do we ignore celebrating birthdays, xmas, Diwali, Ramadan etc etc for fear of offending someone?

This analogy makes no sense. Children aren't inherently distressed or traumatised by the idea of not celebrating a festival of a religion which they are not part of.

No why would we ignore Christmas etc? I doubt there's many 7 year olds grieving the loss of Jesus, but their mother?

It's not about offence, it's about having a heart for what must be excruciating for them. Mother's Day isn't comparable to Christmas and Ramadan

Im being snubbed on friday my 8 year old is taking his 16 year old brother instead.

that's so sweet! I bet your 8 year old will be so proud to have his big brother there!

Agree @formerbabe

No sense at all

Absolutely YANBU. I like the idea of Appreciation Day.

God my heart breaks to think of those poor children

Sorry, I get your point. It's about missing someone, not the celebration element.

Apart from maybe the first one for novelty value, I think it’s all a load of expensive old nonsense anyway.
A cup of tea in bed is always welcone, but If you really want to show your mum you care, do it every day by being nice to her!
In fact, if you want to show anyone you love you care, do it daily 😊

I think it's nice that it gives the children a chance to make something and so lovely for Mum to receive. I also feel that it's an ages old tradition that is interesting for the children to learn about - that it was the day when young people who were 'in service' and lived away from their families were given the time to go and see their families. I think it's all about how it's managed in the classroom - the teacher could (and hopefully does) say something along the lines of the fact that it's a traditional celebration to make a card for the female/s who looks after you and give suggestions such as Grandma, etc as well as Mummy. Perhaps give the chance to make more than one card.

I did some training with a charity for beareaved children, and one of the (many) things that stayed with me were the children who said that this was something they found extremely hard.

Some children said they wanted to make their deceased parent a card regardless, and being encouraged to do a card for someone else felt like their parent had been wiped out of memory.

Some children found it too upsetting at all.

So YANBU, teachers need to be aware if there are children in their class who will struggle, and listen to them to understand what it is the teacher can do to make it easier.