To wish schools ignored mother's/father's day

[formerbabe]

I remember when I was growing up, a child in my primary school class lost her mum...next mother's day, we all made mother's day cards at school and she was told to make a card for her dad

I lost my mum when I was in secondary school...I hated mothers day.

So many children may have lost parents, have absent parents and all sorts of different situations which make these days hard for them.

Aibu in thinking schools should just ignore these days and not get the children to make cards?

You were also insensitive with your comment that it's just a bit of card with a flower on. It's so much more than that for some kids. As lots of pps are telling you

Yanbu. It's heartbreaking reading some of the stories on here about kids being made to go through this. Schools could just do general artwork with daffodils etc on a spring/Easter theme rather than subject these kids to an awful experience. 😢

OK so it seems I am selfish and cruel because I am 'sad' my child hasn't had the chance at school to make a card. Maybe I used the wrong word. I didn't mean it in that way that I would put my feelings of having a card with a flower drawn on as being more important than a child who is suffering in a way. Of course I don't think having a card is more important.
I have not wished to offend anyone on this thread. I am going to leave this thread now.

I lost my mother when I was in primary. Mother’s Day and the run up sucked. I still hate it, and would prefer my own children not to do anything.

But I also consider all cards a waste of a good tree, so it would not really be for ‘me’ anyway.

I'm bringing up my grandson, who is 11, after the death of my daughter 18 months ago.

Its a very difficult day, so I would prefer that the school didn't involve themselves, just as they didn't when my daughter was so ill for so long.

I'm not a child but lost my mum almost a year ago. I get emails from a flower company I've used in the past but they sent an email a couple of months ago which gave an option to specifically opt out of Mothers day flowers emails as they are aware that some people find those hard.

I took them up on that (just clicking on an option) but I was really appreciative of the sensitivity.

I think we need to afford that sensitivity to children too.

I'm a mother myself but I can cope with no cards from my children if it helps make life a little easier for bereaved children.

I agree, it must be really awful for children who have lost their mum or can’t be with them for whatever reason.

Couldn't agree more. I lost my mum last month and I find it hard being bombarded with Mother's Day stuff right now and I'm 47! The day should just be ignored in school full stop

I don't agree with tiptoeing around people who 'might be upset', but I thought about how I would feel to be included in a group making stuff for their daughters..
It doesn't bear thinking about.

I think our school has it right. They send out a letter a week or so beforehand saying an optional make a female relative/ special person a card on x day is happening. Would your child like to take part.

AnnieMay100 I'm sorry you have no family support, of course that's hard, but your children can show you in a million ways how much they love you. Your not getting a card isn't comparable to a child's pain at yet again being left out, made to stand out, and hurt at the loss of a parent or the pain of being made to pretend their parett is like other people's Re the posters whose parents were abusive

Okki so what happens to the one kid in 3p whos carer says no?

@SleepingStandingUp they have to sit it out presumably. And stand out like a sore thumb in the process. Feeling even more isolated

YABU.

Some children have nobody to help them or the resources to make one at home.

Even though they have passed they still have a mum !!our nursery/primary make it clear to all that just because mummy isn't around doesn't mean she can't see and know they have made a card, they can still make a lovely card and take it home, tell mummy it's for them and put it somewhere to remember her each day let children have some comfort that mummy is with them each day x

But Romany if they want the resources to make one then they have the partent too. So I'd think "Mommy I couldn't get you a card but I love you" "that's OK baby, Mommy doesn't need a card, just a cuddle" is less hurtful that sat to one side in Okki's school or trying to imagine up a female relative you could make one for, or making it then hiding it in your bag so you don't have to give it to your abusive Mum.

I wonder whether there are families where if schools didn't do cards the mother or special carer wouldn't get anything at all.

I have no parents as they both abandoned me and I found it so shameful I was t good enough to have a mother and I was still forced to make a card.

I see both sides. It's very difficult.

I'm sorry for all who will have their first Mother's Day this year without their mum . Also those who have had many. It's hard for you all .

Comparing not celebrating Christmas as you are another religion is not the same as not having a mother at Mother's Day. How ridiculous to think so.

it is hard for some people, but we have made cards at school forever, I can't see what stopping it will achieve.

@BatFace1 I'm sorry for your loss, did you celebrate Mother's Day when your mother was alive?

I hated mother’s Day and Father’s Day in school. On a good year I’d have a teacher who remembered I lived with my grandparents because my parents were abusive. On a bad year, which was several, I’d be forced to sit at a table drawing a card listening to the other kids talking about their plans for the Sunday with their mum or dad whilst I was just fucking scared that my mum or dad might turn up and try and take me back again.
We had a supply teacher when I was 8 who sent me to the HT when I said I wouldn’t be seeing my dad on Father’s Day because he burnt my brothers hand with the iron.
Whenever I get a school made card from one of mine I’m ashamed to say I have to fake loving it. I love the ones that make at home. Or the ones DH takes them out to buy. But school made ones just take me instantly back to when I was at school.

YANBU. I remember when I was 7 a girl in my class had lost her mum a few years back. She spent the whole lesson sobbing uncontrollably whilst everyone was making cards. The school ended up sending her home early that day as she was inconsolable. Why inflict that on a poor child who's already had a tough life.

Parents can teach their own children about mothers/fathers day in the way best appropriate to their circumstances.

@WatcherOfTheNight that has just reduced me to tears. I’m so sorry for your loss.

@youknowmedontyou thank you!

And yes- always a card, flowers, gifts. She expected quite a fuss did my mother

So this year will be hard. I'm sad. But it was just my turn unfortunately and I appreciate that I was lucky to have my mum for 47 years. When I feel 'robbed' of more years (she was only 69), I think of those who lost their mothers when they were very young and I think of mothers who have lost children and I try and gain a sense of perspective. My heart goes to those who didn't have years and years with their mum