To be livid with DD for hurting DDog

[HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed]

DD is 11. Tonight we were at the park with our dog. There's a slide that's on a hill so it doesn't have steps up to it. She was standing at the top and about to throw DDogs ball when DDog knocked it out of her hands and it rolled down the slide. DDog jumped on the slide without thinking and went sliding down after it, pretty gracefully actually. DD thought it was hilarious but I told her to keep DDog and the ball away from it as DDog had been lucky not to get hurt.

Half hour later I'm across the park pushing DS on the swings and I see DD drop the ball down the slide. DDog goes to run away from the top of the slide and down the hill alongside it but DD blocks DDog so DDog slips down backwards and twists halfway down (it's not a straight slide.) Again, DD is in hysterics.

When I tell her off she says she didn't mean to and that it was an accident. Her sister backs up what I saw - that she dropped it and blocked DDog deliberately. As I was putting the DC to bed I saw that DDog isn't bearing weight on one of her legs and told DD so. She said "fine, I'm sorry" and stroked DDog. AIBU to think that doesn't cut it and to be absolutely livid? She messaged her dad about it who messaged me saying she's done nothing wrong

She needs to understand that if you tell her not to do something she doesn't do it. It doesn't matter whether she thinks it could happen or if it wouldn't be that bad. She has to trust and respect that you know what you are talking about. It's bad enough the poor dog has been hurt but your toddler could have drowned.

That is the problem GetStrong, she is not a toddler learning about other individuals having feelings. She knows that but she doesn’t care.

I would be livid. She is clearly not mature enough to be left with the dog.
I would be sorting the texting dad nonsense out too! Once would my dd try to play me off against her dad.

I'd lose my shit over this big time. Sounds like she needs putting in her place and to wind the attitude in!

if I hadn't just explicitly told her DDog could easily have got seriously hurt

But she's 11. She just didn't believe you were right. This is the age where they're really starting to believe their own opinion over yours. I remember soooo many debates with my ex's dd at this age because she became convinced that she knew more than we did. She didn't do it thinking dog would get hurt, she saw dog didn't get hurt and it was funny and mum is just being boring so I'll do it again. Wrong, but normal teenage.

Leading your dd to the water sounds scary and more worrying, her thought process there as to why she wanted dd next to water would be interesting.

I think taking her to your GP and seeking referral may be a good starting point.
It's not good behaviour and I'd definitely be keeping a close eye on her but equally, I don't think it's anything sinister. I have ASD and as a child I had absolutely zero empathy towards others. I didn't deliberately hurt anyone, but I didn't really think about anyone but myself when I did things. It took me well into adulthood to develop any sense of empathy or thought for others and even now, I could count on one hand the number of people I really care about the wellbeing of. But I'm not a threat or a sociopath...and I highly doubt she is either.

is she at secondary?
can you ask school for any guidance?

@GetStrongKeepFighting

The problem is that this isn't necessarily the case, as I have learnt from my experience with my DD1. Emotionally, she's young for her age, which is why she has struggled with empathy. Her therapy is really helping her, and it might well do the same for the OP's DD.

Obviously, I might be projecting, and the OP's DD isn't adopted. But, as her dad was abusive towards her mum, this will have had an impact on her. And her dad's malign influence won't be helping.

Whatever the cause, quite clearly this girl desperately needs help.

Her dad is a real problem in all this. I think Your DD May benefit from some counselling.

@NotSure... Lizzie - I take both your points. I hadn't seen all the OPs posts when I posted mine.

Nice to see the OP getting mostly support and advice.

Dad sounds a twat.

Sounds like councilling for your dd might be a good idea. Not normal behaviour op. Something must be driving this? Is she hiding anger or something else?

DD would be bawled into next week if she did anything like that to our DDog. We've been lucky that she gets it drilled into her that he doesn't understand as much as her and that she has to be gentle.

As a PP said the trouble is punishing her is just going to make her more careful about being caught doing shit like this. She's 11. She knows it's wrong but somehow you need to get her to see the importance of never doing it again.

I think your DD is showing a worrying lack of empathy for someone her age. Please get her some professional help before she does something that can't be reversed!

I remember reading your thread about your DD showing no empathy/consideration towards your baby eg leaving baby gate open, not holding his hand properly near the road. I hadn't realised you were also the one whose other child had undone the brake on the pushchair by the road.

You definitely have a lot on your plate, and you need to get some help, otherwise there may be a serious accident soon.

What? She also undid the break of the pushchair and left the gate open. I’m sorry OP that should be extremely stressful and worrying.

I think you need to seek help (book appt with Gp to discuss the situation without your DD being present). It will be difficult but it is better not to sugarcoat things if you want a referral to someone who can really help otherwise the GP will send you home with the phrase “kids will be kids”

No but YABU for using the term Ddog.

@NotSureThisIsWhatIWant No, the 3/4 year old undid the brake of the baby's pushchair while waiting to cross the road.

Most pointless post award ^

GummyGoddess. Not you!

I'd beyond livid but not only that I'd be vary wary and concerned about your DD's callousness.

Actively seeking to put your dog in a dangerous position (having previously had the danger pointed out explicitly) and then, when the dog tried to avoid the danger, ensuring it couldn't, FOR HER OWN ENTERTAINMENT is just shocking and appalling.

I can't stand even toddlers who hurt pets but FFS she's 12.

How does she normally behave towards the dog? How does the dog behave around her?

That's the heart breaking thing about dogs and animal cruelty - they love you no matter how badly they are treated.

My DC would gladly kill each other - they can be horrible sometimes to me and to each other, but hand on heart, one thing they have honestly never done is shown anything but love and gentleness to our dog. Even as tiny children.

No but YABU for using the term Ddog

ODFOD

GetStrongKeepFighting I was thinking that was a bit harsh!

How's the dog today OP?