Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate my step kids

336 replies

Whatyoudoingoverthere · 25/03/2019 18:38

I know I’ll get flamed but i need to vent somewhere. I do not let these feelings be known in RL, I hope this anonymous forum realises why I’m choosing this outlet. I’ve NC’d for obvious reasons.

My step kids are teenagers. They fight and bicker constantly and I can’t bear to be around them. I married their father when they were small 10 and 8, they were relatively well behaved until the teenage years came along. Their dad is fairly strict and asks them to say please and thank you as unbelievably they still need to be reminded. He tells them off when they need it and is caring and loving to them.

We have them EOW and I hate it. They treat our home like a hotel and behave like unpleasant brats.

I love their father and our life when they’re not around.

I’m not the OW before anyone asks. Typical responses will be you knew he had kids when you met him!! Yes but how can you ever know how hard that job will be when you’ve never done it.

OP posts:
thedisorganisedmum · 25/03/2019 20:35

OP, you are on MN.

A LOT of posters hate the "new wife" with passion. Don't take it personally.

KarmaStar · 25/03/2019 20:36

Op,as pp have said,these dc are picking up on your dislike and reciprocating in true teenage fashion.
They are at a huge turnabout in their lives and need parental love and guidance,understanding and to know they are welcome,wanted.
Your attitude is terrible.they didn't have a choice in a step mother,YOU had a choice in becoming one.
Read up or get some help in adjusting your attitude to one of a responsible,caring step mother who gives them stability.
Think ahead,when they marry,have children,will you expect to be involved?because they will remember your actions when they needed you and will treat you accordingly.
And I'm sure their df assures them that his home is also their home.
Put some genuine effort in.you might surprise yourself.

Howdidthisbecomemylife · 25/03/2019 20:39

I hate my teenage sc and my own teenager in equal measure, they were/are all vile. They get slightly better as they grow up but not as much as I might have hoped. My advice, go travelling for ten years. Sadly I have to drag my own dc up as a minimum otherwise I’d be off like a shot. Don’t beat yourself up, You are not a bad person, I have a theory they cease to be human between 13 and 25.
And yes that biscuit emoji is the stupidest thing on the planet forget MN, people who use it should go shove a real biscuit up their smug arses.

Can you tell I’ve endured a particularly hideous family meal with 2 of the alien creatures this evening and I’m to draw the blood of the next person who crosses me.

Jessgalinda · 25/03/2019 20:40

A LOT of posters hate the "new wife" with passion. Don't take it personally.

I am the new wife. And have a teenage step son. I think the OP is THE problem.

Original poster
Whatyoudoingoverthere · 25/03/2019 20:43

@howdidthisbecomemylife you sound how I feel. Good luck and thanks for the message of support.

OP posts:
Bubblegumgal · 25/03/2019 20:44

The thing is OP when you take on a man with kids, you have to actually love the kids too, think of them as your own. After 8 years you don’t & I can’t help but think your DH & his kids would be far better off without you in their lives.

IHateUncleJamie · 25/03/2019 20:45

A LOT of posters hate the "new wife" with passion

I don’t. Confused But I do know what it’s like to be a perfectly normal teenager who is disliked and treated as a nuisance. It’s horrible.

There’s a huge difference between finding someone else’s children slightly irritating and “hating” your DP’s children who have lived with you EOW for ten years. Given the OP’s obvious dislike and the Mum who doesn’t sound as if she can be arsed, I feel very sorry for the poor kids.

Lizzie48 · 25/03/2019 20:46

All you perfect mums out there, have you never been annoyed by someone else’s child when they’re acting up? Imagine that all the time in your own home.

But they're not just 'someone else's children', are they? Their your DH's children, and, I'm sorry, they do come as part of the package.

IHateUncleJamie · 25/03/2019 20:48

@howdidthisbecomemylife If you’re not joking, you deserve a bloody biscuit. Your poor children. I feel sorry for them.

KissingInTheRain · 25/03/2019 20:50

Step threads. Marvellous entertainment.

OP, ignore all the criticism. Children are generally horrible and are especially horrible as teenagers. Only the world of work and responsibility will cure them.

Nearly all the posters who’ll condemn you are those with children with stepmothers. They have to condemn, otherwise they feel threatened, spare and useless TBH.

RickOShay · 25/03/2019 20:50

I feel more sorry for howdidthisbecomemylife Grin

Tixywixy · 25/03/2019 20:51

OP I do have sympathy for you. Of course it can be really challenging dealing with your own teenagers, let alone your teen stepchildren.

But you can choose to take a more measured approach. You don't have to wash your hands of them altogether. It's a bit unkind to say it's not their home. After all they are living with one of their parents when they're with you. Meanwhile it's perfectly reasonable to put lines on the sand about the more objectionable behaviour.

And having seen sulky teens morph into engaging, charming young people, please don't burn your boats with them. But prefectly fine to make yourself scarce from time to time and expect your dh to do more than usual in terms of clearing after them. I really wouldn't choose the battle of the bedmaking to fight them over. Just don't go in their (pig sties) rooms

Jessgalinda · 25/03/2019 20:51

I get annoyed with my step son all the time. And annoyed at my own son.

I dont hate either of them and both are welcome here. Its dps home too, therefore his son always has a place here if he wants/needs it.

thedisorganisedmum · 25/03/2019 20:53

I don't think the OP is the problem at all, she is allowed to vent.

It's so much easier when it's your own kids: you can force them to make their bed, you can demand a respectful attitude, you don't have to put up with all the crap and tip toe constantly. It's not just about bounding and love, but not having that much aggravation means you are much less resentful!

Maybe their dad is less strict because they are not there full-time, who knows.

And yes, they are "someone's else children", that's the problem. The OP cannot treat them as her own, hence all the bad situation. If a step-mum becomes as strict as a mum and don't tolerate any crap, she'll be assaulted on here!

SnuggyBuggy · 25/03/2019 20:53

This 18 year old sounds really immature and weird for his age. 18 is way too old to have access visits or temper tantrum over what's for dinner.

I'd pick my battles, the beds I'd ignore but the bratty behaviour I would call them out on.

Jessgalinda · 25/03/2019 20:55

she is allowed to vent.

She isnt venting.

She doesnt thinknits their home. She hates them and they arent welcome in their dads home.

So far all we have is a 16 year old who got annoyed he couldnt have a fry up and they dont make their beds.

Oh and an 18 year date come stay with their own dad.

GPatz · 25/03/2019 20:55

I wouldbt treat ‘your’ house any less than a fucking shithole if you treat and spoke about me like that, god and you wonder why they have no respect for you?

  • from a step mum. Not a perfect one by all means but not a complete nasty piece of work

I dunno. You pretty much sound like the complete package.

IHateUncleJamie · 25/03/2019 20:56

This 18 year old sounds really immature and weird for his age.

Charming.

itsbritneybiatches · 25/03/2019 20:59

I feel so sorry for you all.

My step dad moved in with us when I was 4. Had my sister with my mum, when I was about 12.

I was probably all the things you've described. For a few years.

I didn't mature till I was about 21. Probably older.

The respect I have for my step dad is immense. He never gave up, he treated me like my sister, ie as in his own, he was a dad to me even when I was a bit of a dickhead. Because as a step parent you do that. Or you try to.

I've done and had similar battles with my own step kids. Ones older one is younger.

Removing yourself from then situation prob won't help long run- you have to find a happy medium here op. Your always going to be in each other's lives.

thedisorganisedmum · 25/03/2019 21:00

It can only be their home so far as it's their parents home - or step parents.

If you want your own home, you pay the bills. My house is my kids home in a way, but they still have to follow my rules, and we don't have a democracy.

At least I can impose my rules on my own kids, it sounds like a nightmare on the OP because she cannot do anything,

The teens sound immature and disrespectful little brats who get away with anything. No wonder their step-mum has had enough, it's human.

SnuggyBuggy · 25/03/2019 21:01

Well what would you call it? Hmm

Should the OP be jumping with glee at these near adults bratty childish behaviour?

Howdidthisbecomemylife · 25/03/2019 21:01

Rickoshay it’s ok, I’m ok, I have wine, lots and lots of wine Wink

BBCK · 25/03/2019 21:02

Don’t blame you OP. Felt (feel?) the same about my own teenagers and it was my choice to have them!

Worsethingshappen · 25/03/2019 21:02

OP - tbh you do sound rather unpleasant. Your tone and inference is very negative and hostile. This must have contributed to the current situation. They are your husbands children.

Yes they do sound immature and I’ll mannered but you don’t sound so easy to be around yourself. Am I right?

Worsethingshappen · 25/03/2019 21:03

ill mannered - not i’ll...