Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this mum was neglectful

218 replies

mistletoeandwine86 · 25/03/2019 18:17

Was at the playground today with DH and 2yo DC, one of us was following him carefully around the climbing frames etc.

2 other mums come into playground, with 1 DC each a bit older than mine, i'd say 4 yo. One mum had a baby in pushchair too. They were chatting and not staying very close to their DC who were running around playing together. First mum then took her DD to the toilet.

Second mum stayed in playground with baby in pushchair and DS playing. Her DS climbs on a big climbing frame and she watches him but doesn't stay close. She walks round the edge pushing her baby in pushchair and he goes the other way on the climbing frame. Next thing he falls off, the mum calls him but didn't see him fall off Hmm He starts crying and she calls him again, leaves pushchair but still can't see him so my DH has to tell her that he fell off and where he is! Shock

To be fair to her she does go straight round to him and picks him up but he fell about 3feet! AIBU to think that she should have been watching him closer?? DH and i always supervise our DS 100% on play equipment and follow him around.

OP posts:
Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/03/2019 20:23

There is a mammoth difference between the amount of supervision the average 2 year old needs in the playground compared to the average 4 year old.

I hover around my two year old as he’s a liability who will run in front of swings, massively overestimate his climbing ability and run off without a backwards glance. My four year old can largely look after himself.

AguerosAngel · 25/03/2019 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Michaelbaubles · 25/03/2019 20:24

I took my DC to a museum with a small indoor play area. There’s one of those low tables with vehicles etc on it. Well my DC could hardly get near the damn thing for parents of 2/3 year olds helicoptering the fuck out of that table. For the life of me I can’t work out what supposed hazard there was but it seemed like every small child had a parent surgically attached to them. The kids want to grab a wooden lorry and make “vroom” noises! That is all! Let them do it on their bloody own! They don’t need helpful suggestions of which toy to play with envy or discussions of what noise it makes!

I was sitting on the wall around the play area drinking a coffee and telling my kids to go away when they bugged me 😂

SuddenlyISee · 25/03/2019 20:26

I hope you logged it with 101

LettuceP · 25/03/2019 20:28

🙈🙄🤣 God help your kid OP

Ribbonsonabox · 25/03/2019 20:28

YABVVVVU

Who on earth follows a 4yo at close distance the entire time they are on a playground?!?! Especially if you've got another child to watch too... ridiculous.
You keep a general eye on them at that age yes.. but following them about at a close distance... no. Unless they have some sort of behaviour issue or sen, in which case maybe you would.

ohmydaysagain · 25/03/2019 20:34

Sorry but I don't follow my 4 year old around the play equipment I watch but only go to get if she needs me. I have other children and have been the same with them.

Lalalalalalalalaland · 25/03/2019 20:36

My then 3 year old broke her leg at preschool falling over on the grass. No climbing frame, no equipment.

Accidents happen. I have 3 kids and take them all out to the park and let them run around and xlinb everything withoit hovering. They have quickly learnt to be careful

thaegumathteth · 25/03/2019 20:54

I’d probably have written this when I only has ds. I wouldn’t now.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 25/03/2019 20:57

Hi all

We're getting a lot of reports about the posts on this thread - can we ask for a bit of peace and love? We'll end up having to take it down if it continues down the path of personal attacks.

Zoflorabore · 25/03/2019 20:57

My 8yr old dd recently went arse over head down a hill that she's been down a million times on her scooter in a nearby park.

She ended up at Alder Hey and was in quite a state. Was her dad neglectful? No he wasn't. It was an accident. They happen a lot with children.
You've got it all to come...

NewSchoolNewName · 25/03/2019 21:04

There’s a huge difference between a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old.

My youngest DC is 2. Generally in a playground I’m keeping a close eye on him because he doesn’t have a reliable handle on what’s safe for him.

But most children get a lot more sensible about these things as they get older. A typical 4 yr old is able to judge what he’s capable of handling when it comes to playground equipment.
By the time my older DC got to 4 yrs old I was really just keeping an eye from a distance and letting them get on with it by themselves unless they asked me for help.

00100001 · 25/03/2019 21:06

OP loves her child more than the crappy park mums. obvs.

y the h8?? she's just tryna give u all sum gd advice huns

WanderingTrolley1 · 25/03/2019 21:08

Blimey, OP, you call that neglect?!

SmarmyMrMime · 25/03/2019 21:10

DS2 is the kind of child that is so nimble and agile, you need to have a helicopter to helicopter him. At 2, I was having to climb up trees to asist him down, and I frequently heard the sucking in of air through teeth of other parents as he scrambled up play equipment for older children. Admittedly my heart was in my mouth when I looked up and found that he'd scaled his way up to the second storey of the soft play play frame... on the outside of the netting to keep the children in. I did breezily call out to encourage him down, too nervous to do anything more drastic as the safest thing was to let him maintain his concentration. It probably sounded like a soppy response, but I did not want to express panic and startle him causing a fall. He's very good at risk assessing his capabilities and hasn't had falls of any note. He's adventurous but not reckless. He's learned how to safely lower and drop from a height rather than jumping (encouraging "safe entry" from his swimming lessons has been helpful).

By 4, knowing where your child is in a playground is generally sufficient for supervision. Being a DS2, I've never been able to focus exclusively on him as there was always DS1 too, so my attention was split on him to some extent from 2, and significantly from 3 when DS2 started walking/ running/ climbing at 18m. I did learn that certain busy playgrounds were unsuitable for solo supervision and they were 4-5/ 7 before I felt they and I were ready for those.

The level of supervision described sounds perfectly appropriate.

Eggstatic · 25/03/2019 21:16

A similar situation happened to me the other day. I was at the park with DD2 and DS7, it's a big park with different areas and so DS wanted to go off to another area whilst I stayed in the area more suitable for toddlers. My attention was of course more on DD as she's much younger. DS comes running to me minutes later with a big graze on his cheek and a bleeding nose. I felt terrible for him but neglect never crossed my mind, kids fall and you can't always be there to catch them

SadOtter · 25/03/2019 21:17

DH and i always supervise our DS 100% on play equipment and follow him around. that's because you had two adults to watch one 2 year old, she was supervising a baby and a 4 year old. That's nowhere near neglectful, its not even questionable parenting, at 4 he is likely to either be at nursery or school where he won't be supervised 100% either!

theworldistoosmall · 25/03/2019 21:22

Such a shame that @mistletoeandwine86 didn’t come back.

Original poster
mistletoeandwine86 · 25/03/2019 21:31

Oh ok maybe neglectful was a bit harsh but I think she could have been supervising him better. The baby in the pushchair was asleep and so didn't need supervising.

I don’t see why supervising my toddler appropriately means that he will suffer anxiety issues.

I've only just come back because i was putting DS to bed

OP posts:
Crikeyblimey · 25/03/2019 21:34

I guess the op now knows this wasn’t neglectful.

I only have one child and yet I most definitely did not helicopter him at 4. It isn’t just about not having enough hands and eyes, although I appreciate that adds extra complexities. Kids need freedom, controlled freedom to learn and have fun.

Ewitsahooman · 25/03/2019 21:40

I think she could have been supervising him better. The baby in the pushchair was asleep and so didn't need supervising

A 4yo at the park doesn't need close supervision. They're in a relatively enclosed space that is child-friendly by design, there would be no need for her to be shadowing him on the equipment or watching his every move.

You're still coming across as really judgemental.

BunsOfAnarchy · 25/03/2019 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OhDiddums · 25/03/2019 21:44

Definitely not neglectful. Kids have accidents all the time. It's probably better for kids to have a few knocks than to rarely hurt themselves. Most kids just pick themselves up and carry on running about. I think most parents turn their backs for one minute and their kid falls or trips. Not a biggie IMO. It's not like they were outside of the playground without a care in the world.

Justmuddlingalong · 25/03/2019 21:47

So if she'd parked the pram to run after the older child, you honestly wouldn't have instantaneously combusted?

SusanneLinder · 25/03/2019 21:50

Were you wearing a cardi and clutching your pearls and pursing your lips at her dreadful parenting?

Swipe left for the next trending thread