To think this mum was neglectful

[mistletoeandwine86]

Was at the playground today with DH and 2yo DC, one of us was following him carefully around the climbing frames etc.

2 other mums come into playground, with 1 DC each a bit older than mine, i'd say 4 yo. One mum had a baby in pushchair too. They were chatting and not staying very close to their DC who were running around playing together. First mum then took her DD to the toilet.

Second mum stayed in playground with baby in pushchair and DS playing. Her DS climbs on a big climbing frame and she watches him but doesn't stay close. She walks round the edge pushing her baby in pushchair and he goes the other way on the climbing frame. Next thing he falls off, the mum calls him but didn't see him fall off He starts crying and she calls him again, leaves pushchair but still can't see him so my DH has to tell her that he fell off and where he is!

To be fair to her she does go straight round to him and picks him up but he fell about 3feet! AIBU to think that she should have been watching him closer?? DH and i always supervise our DS 100% on play equipment and follow him around.

Laughing my head off at the image in my head of a mother running round the climbing frame whilst pushing a buggy, changing direction every 2.5 seconds so that she can fully ensure the ‘adult eyes on under fives’ mantra at every second of every day. No doubt the same woman is knocking over other children whilst in her pursuit to ensure she is not ‘neglectful’. Hahahahahaaaa!

When your baby comes along you might take a different view, OP.

So two of you went with your child, your DH saw the child fall (or realised he had before the mum did) and neither of you went to check on him? Really? Goodness, in our park you'd have had at least two parents bundle over to him, shouting to his mum as they went.

It didn't occur to one of you to shout over to the boy's mum to tell her he'd fallen? Your DH actually waited for her to call him twice before telling her that he'd fallen. Did he shake his head at her at the same time?

She maybe could have been a little more vigorous in her supervision but neglectful? I think that's a bit strong. My DS's best friend broke his wrist falling off a railway sleeper height flower bed wall in his own garden. His mum wasn't supervising him then and he was eight. I don't think she was neglectful either.

@wLuytgNx
I think there's so much vitriol because we've all worked with adults who have grown up being helicoptered, and they make terrible employees.
I'm sorry for what happened to your cousin, but there is a larger risk to your child if you helicopter them than not.

Haha parsimonious arse. Yes that’s absolutely going to be used by me regularly.

This made me laugh! Must be severe OFB syndrome that OP has. The other day (in an affluent suburb) I heard an altercation in the car parked next to me where there was a family of four and then I saw the mother throw/push her 8/9 year old boy on the floor of a parking lot, and then started chasing him down the parking lot with a big empty shopping trolley screaming “Fock off!” Again and again until he disappeared.All the way down with cars going past. I had my phone in hand (had just finishing putting kids in car seats) and didn’t know who I was going to call but probably had my mouth open. She was parked in a car next to me (with hubby and little girl). Saw me and said “he’s a bully like his father!”...
I didnt know what to do reallly.
That’s neglect!!!
You sound really judgemental OP and have no idea... sorry.

You remind me of an EX friend of mine, who used to try and tell me that a mutual friend was actually starving her child. She was in actual fact trying to drop the dream feed.
Don't use words like neglect unless there is real harm or threat involved.
Seriously, you need to get a grip.

Actually, children are rather good at judging risk. Usually, they fall because they've been distracted or slipped. They need to learn when they can take an appropriate level of risk and what's just that bit far out of their reach. The only way they can do this is being exposed to risks - those that are acceptable and those that aren't. It finely attunes their judgement. Problems come when kids haven't developed this so as to be able to then judge situations because they've been over-protected. I'd say a 3ft climbing frame was in the remit of acceptable risk-taking for a typical 4 year old. Going off with a stranger wouldn't be.

Don't playgrounds have softer material to land on these days precisely because it's an acceptable risk?

• sorry pfb not ofb

I remember when I had one child. Now I have 3 under 3 and I'd love to see someone helicopter 3 kids that run in opposite directions!

At 2 I shadowed them. By 4 I couldnt keep up with them. It was a playground. Ideal environment for semi-independent play.

🤣🤣 helicopter parenting at its best. Come back to us when you are at the park with more than one child and DH isn't there with you.

Neglect? Really?

Some parents encourage kids to take risks, others are looking after 2 kids alone and can't do the same job 2 parents looking after one kid can do. I don't even know where to start explaining what child neglect looks like tbh...

She wasn't neglectful, you're just a helicopter parent with your child.

To be fair, I supervise my small-for-his-age 5yo DS on higher equipment fairly closely but I know I'm being an idiot and hate myself a bit for it! I get massive anxiety though and find it impossible not to. I have got better at biting my tongue from saying 'be careful'. I was relieved when he went to a fairly free-range pre school at 3 as I knew he'd be much more free to take risks there and learn his limitations without me there making him anxious. They'd make their own obstacle courses with big ladders and scaff planks! And in reception from 4yo there's big climbing equipment in the playground, loads of kids and minimal supervision so I'm glad he got that time away from me at pre-school to learn. He has falls, he gets bruises, that's OK.

Haha. My DS is nearly 4. My DD is 18m. I can’t wait for the day I don’t need to helicopter DD round the playground and can just leave her to fend for herself like her brother does.

🙄

Neglect?! My arse. Get a grip please.

LOL. Two parents, one 2 year old compared to one parent and two children. 🙄

I think you ll think differently if and when you have a second child, especially if you have them close together. I personally don't think it's a good idea to be a helicopter parent anyway and purposely let my children have unsupervised time. Within reason of course!

You don't sound very nice OP.

Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!

YABU

It wasn't neglect.

What does surprise me tho is neither you or your DH went to help him instead of pointing at him.

Has nobody noticed this gem?
@stayathomer
While I'm not saying you abandon your child, we used to follow our first around, catching him before he fell etc. He's 11 now and he has had everything done for him even in school where other kids feel bad for him ( he's not pathetic or anything, and he's the nicest boy, funny and friends with the whole class, but so lazy and entitled and hates getting dirty etc) so stepping back the odd time isn't a bad thing