I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

[Cantgiveashitliterally]

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

Magnesium citrate. Like magic.

Orginofstars - 😆

One of my dads favourite jokes: did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. Sorry OP, not much help but there's some really good advice here. Keep drinking plenty of fluids. I have a small shower attachment in my shower which I use to err, rinse when I've been to the toilet a lot and my bum stings (sorry, tmi but while we're all being so open!). I usually squat in the shower and angle it up inbetween that area to clean myself and the slight pressure seems to stimulate things and makes me want to go! I also recently got a stool which alters the way you sit on the toilet as you rest your feet in it and it forces your knees up so you're in a more natural squatting position. It really helps things come out a bit quicker! Hope you pass your stubborn little nugget soon and get some relief!

Whole packet of dried apricots
best laxative I know

I’m vegan now and all that fibre is fab of pooing (and wind but we won’t mention that one)!

Manual evacuation works. Like pp said, just get a bit out so there is space for movement. Never told this to a soul before. Gotta love Mumsnet - what a thread

A mini enema should do it. I once had this after I was prescribed codine after an op and it was not pleasant, the mini enema was the only thing that helped instantly. I always make sure I have one in the bathroom cupboard!

Whole packet of dried apricots

You'd never fit that up your arse🙄

@Bunnica15...so have i read thru the whole thread just to see if a poo has appeared!!
I'm literally in pain now just thinking of the methods here. Think mine is just the usual post meal flatulence though..sorry tmi.

Oh Yes OP - Call the Fire Brigade!!!

Haven’t read the whole thread but there’s nothing like a glycerine suppository......you just need the sheer bloody determination to hold it in until it melts.

If you've got an impaction then laxatives wont help. You need to work it out from the other end. Vaseline on a (gloved?) finger up and wiggle around. Then when you're squatting put your thumb or finger in the vagina and push back as you bear down.

I would try a glycerin suppository - it will make your ahem rectum slippery and help ease stuff out.
if that doesn’t work laxido Is good and I think you can buy it as well as prescription- it’s an osmotic and draws water into the bowel to soften everything. It can lead to watery diahorrea if you are too ambitious with the dose!

By mini enema, I mean Micralax by the way. It has a thin nozzle that goes up the bum but it usually goes in easy especially if you've got one stuck halfway out, just put it in up the side of that and squeeze it in whilst laying down and wait. It's enough lubrication to get it out. Even if you want to push immediately, don't for at least 10 minutes.

Hope you're feeling better op 💩

You need the suppository OP. It works within 30mins and is a miracle worker. Seriously. I don't think oral laxatives can help you now.

• Whole packet of dried apricots

You'd never fit that up your arse🙄*

Crying at this comment 😂

Hope it makes an appearance soon op

Did the OP manage to poo yet?

Prune juice! Seriously prune juice will soften it up and help you poo. Don’t stick a shower up your bum 🤦🏻‍♀️ Prune juice.

And people say mumsnet isn’t supportive!

Op impactation is unbearable. Sorry to say but the manual method is the only way unless you are literally causing a hernia with a fruitless effort.
Don’t put anything else in your stomach apart from fluid or it will get wven worse.
Stool softener works wonders (maybe a little late now for that) with a strong suppository or the manual. You will be traumatised afterwards but at least you will be much more comfortable - hope you update soon with good news 🤪

I hope you work it out 🌷

Sounds like a compacted stool..... manual intervention with surgical gloves to break it down may be required (by you....dont need to involve anyone) if your still suffering.

Pint of guiness, that'll shift the fucker

Well, you will all be pleased to know, its out! Thank god. And i'm farting like a trooper too.

The things you say on a public forum to complete strangers, i would never say any of this out loud, to anyone, ever.

Thanks for everyone's support...i love MN