I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

[Cantgiveashitliterally]

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

i won’t lie, my first post baby poo was done in the bath 🤢 it was a hideous experience but the only way to get it done.

Bleach and anti bac in the bath post 🙂

I mean, I don't suppose anybody's suggested getting actual medical advice, have they? That would be best.

It's not dangerous at all (shower hose) we're not talking about a driveway pressure washer here just a bog standard shower hose.
Don't ask me how I know this but I have personal experience and it works a treat - instant relief.
Only for emergemcies of course. As long as your shower is on slow setting like Merqueen says.

OP you may have a rectocele, a sort of prolapse when poo collects in a pouch in the bowel, goes hard and can’t get out. You need stool softeners and suppositories for a double ended attack.

I agree that the enema is the way to go. (You May need more than one...) Anything else is risking injury.

I bloody love you lot McPoo, and the general openness!!

You can buy depositary micro lax, get a stool softener also, duphalac. My DD is always constipated, they work well for her.
I don't think you need medical help unless it has been a very long time since you went.
The above is less embarrassing.

Finger doused in Vaseline or KYjelly.
Relax. Really concentrate and relax.

Finger up the bum, close to the internal wall as if to separate the stone from the wall.
Vaseline / KY will lubricate the internal walls and allow stone to come out.

Yuck but it'll come out.

Well, i have just been again, a little, but a relief. Fingers crossed its the beginning of the end
@LeesPostersAreInFrames Yes, a few people have, but I am going to leave the doctors to a last resort,

*suppository.

Hi OP have not read the full thread so sorry if anyone else has suggested this but is it definitely constipation? I had what I thought was constipation - it felt like there was a lump "up there" and could not shift it no matter how many times I tried to go. I was in terrible pain. Was given some strong laxatives by the doctor and a suppository but nothing worked. After a week of this and about three trips to the doctors it turned out the lump I could feel was actually an abscess and I ended up I hospital for a week! Might be worth getting it checked out just in case. Hope you feel better.

You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Manual evacuation is sometimes necessary. You wear gloves and use a lubricant.

The person posting about care home staff was talking about a 'soapy finger up the bum'. I agree, manual evacuation done with lubricant is fine if use of diet, regular toileting, laxatives have been exhausted. Done regularly with soap- probably not so good?

@Cactuar I'm more certain than not that it is constipation, I have had a little movement, and had some relief. Thank you for the advice though, hope all is ok with you now

Apropos of nothing, this is a very interesting Wikipedia article:

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprophilia

"No, No chance of pregnancy, It does feel like labour pains though"

Literally no chance as in no sex in last 9-10 months or as in you're using contraception?

If literally no chance you may have an impacted bowel movement which needs manipulation.

@ItsAllGoingToBeFine Is this an actual thing?

@Graphista We are super careful, neither of us want another child, protection at all times

Have you tried a really strong coffee?

@bethy15 Im literally drinking one now

Ooh!
The wiki article.
I now know what a 'Cleveland Steamer' is.

I had this in my last pregnancy, it was horrible. I tried most of the suggestions on here, even the squatting down didn't work. In the end the only thing that worked for me was getting tiny bits out at a time and a good dose of lactulose.
I think it may he past the point of eating or drinking anything. Just gave me the urge to go but it was still stuck. I think medical advice would be the best bet now.

Long hot bath, and maybe a fresh homemade vegetable soup.

So, so much laxative advice here but this has to be my favourite.

@Omzlas I very much doubt you did, your vagina wall would prevent you doing a manual evacuation.

@SoupDragon exactly my thought as well lol 🤫😂😂

Omg these comments are killing me 😂😂😂
Shower hoses and digging it out !!!😂💩😂💩😂💩🔨🔨🔨

@Shookethtothecore

I took lactulose daily towards the end of preg and the days following. i was very very sore after the birth so was dreading first pooh but this made it bearable as it is designed to soften the stool but not be harsh. buy from any pharmacy in a big bottle.

OP when im constipated i press down on my perineum while i bare down, this gives the internal muscles more purchase. If its too big i would go for other techniques however !!