To cancel DD’s birthday?

[NattyGeo]

NC’d to avoid being identified. My DD is set to have her 18th on a Thursday. We have booked a spa place with a restaurant, her and 5 friends have use of the swimming pool and sauna and will be having an 8 course tasting menu after. Costing us £350. Thinking of cancelling because she went to the People’s March when I told her she wasn’t allowed. She mentioned it on Thursday, a group of friends were going. she is very anti-Brexit and into politics (a real budding leftie), but I said no because it meant taking a National express at 4.30am to get to London by mid-morning and TBH I just didn’t see the point in doing it when we leave the EU next week! It would also mean taking a day off from her Saturday job. She sulked and stropped but I stood firm.

Yesterday morning I went to wake her as couldn’t hear her get up for work. She’d put pillows in her bed where her body should be to make it look like she was there and was gone! I rang her 10 times, no answer and on the 11th time I left a voicemail to say if she didn’t call back in 10 minutes I’d be reporting her to the police as a missing person. She called back, was in the bus and said sorry for sneaking out but she really wanted to go. She’d caught an Uber at 4am!

She arrived back at 2am this morning on the bus. I went to pick her up from the bus station (on my , she wanted to be dropped off no doubt to avoid me), and when she got in the car she told me to “wipe that look off my face”. She says she’s sorry for being dishonest but not sorry for going. I’m furious. She’s usually good as gold and has never done anything like this. WIBU to cancel Thursdays party as a punishment?

You are speaking to a remain stronghold OP.

Personally, I think you shouldn’t have imposed those conditions on her in the first place.

Crikey, YABU. She’s almost 18, not 8. She got a coach and went to a peaceful march to stand up for something she believes in. I’d be proud of her!

Not condoning the rudeness and you do need to address that (a quick chat about mutual respect is all that’s needed) but to be honest if you’d let her make her own decision in the first place (her Saturday job so her choice) then she wouldn’t have had to sneak out in the first place.

I’m still over-protective of dd19 but I know her political and religious views are hers, not mine to dictate.

YWBU to stop her in the first place so yes, you would be VVU to cancel her birthday, IMHO.

I wouldnt have forbid an 18 year old from doing something like this in the first place. Yabvu.

Cancelling her birthday is unfair. Ground her, but make an exception for her birthday.

I would be angry about sneaking about thats for sure but I wouldn't cancel her party .

This must be a wind up else you aren't coming across well.
She's very nearly 18, very nearly able to vote. Excercising her voice for her future.

The fact that one of your issues is because you didn't see the point is astonishing. What crap to teach a young woman not long after the anniversary for votes for women.

Don't even get me started on the fact you knew damn well where she had gone but were considering wasting police time and resources for your adult child.

I've got a 16 year old with learning difficulties and if she had wanted to make her voice heard like this I would have done everything possible for her to do so safely.

Cancel her birthday if you want but you will just alienate further any relationship with her.

You sound extremely controlling.

Yep you'd be massively unreasonable, you effectively forced her into being sneaky by being a twat and banning her.

Don't do that FFS.

You've got to let go of the reigns a bit!

You can't tell a very very nearly 18 year old not to go on a march.

Yabu!

Mental.

Why aren't you proud of her? Celebrate, don't cancel! Yes, she lied to you, but you were unreasonable yourself in the first place.

Don't cancel but do have other sanctions for lying to you and putting pillows in the bed. Don't help out wiht money if she;s short due to missing work or losing her job.

I think your DD has every right to express her own political opinions and I don't see why you felt you had the right to deny her that decision.

It sounds like you've raised a very strong, passionate woman. You're right, she shouldn't have lied, but you can punish her separately for that if you feel it's necessary. Taking away her 18th birthday celebration would be a disproportionate and horrible overreaction, and something she'd remember forever.

Celebrate the birthday and be proud of your daughter!

She sounds great!

@Littleraindrop I still think she should have stuck to her guns and got your approval one way or another.

Not sure that would have been possible. It certainly wouldn’t have been with my mother - I’d have HAD to sneak out.

And don't get me wrong I'd be pissed that she had sneaked out and been rude in the car but you are out of order .

I would be pissed off too for the sneaking behind my back and for the rude comment in the car. But I wouldn't cancel the party. I'd tell her that I'm still letting her have her party DESPITE her rude comment and sneaking. Tell her how you expect better, that all this sneaking only proves one thing, what a disaster of a parent you are. Then, if you can, shed a tear. Make her feel a little guilty. She'll think twice before doing something like that again. :)

She will only turn 18 once, no doubt it's a big deal for her. If you cancel it and spoil her birthday there is no coming back from that. If you feel the need to punish her surely there is something else you can deprive her of? The rights and wrongs of her politics are another matter.

WOW! You have handled this all wrong, what’s wrong with her getting a coach at 4:30?!

You are being disrespectful and downright nasty towards your dd and her beliefs. Sort it out.

Ground her? She's 18 next week!

shouldn't a child (well teenager) respect her mothers opinions too?

I'm struggling to get past that 8 course tasting menu for an 18th birthday party.

We had some unusual events for 18th birthday parties with our DC and amongst their friends but never a request for a tasting menu!

This is bollocks surely

"a real budding leftie"; "she sulked and stropped"...

Are you always this dismissive and disrespectful when you talk about your nearly-adult daughter?

I think you would be very harsh to cancel her birthday. Personally if I was her I wouldn't forgive you.

You gave her no choice but to be sneaky, at 18 its her choice if she takes a day off work and really she shouldn't be forbidding her from doing things. At 18 it should be up to her where she goes on a saturday providing she lets you know.

If parents are going to be ridiculous, controllimv and overprotective to their adult children then I personally think its better that children lie and do what they should be doing at that age than just follow their parents, you can't let your parents control you forever. It's good she took matters into her own hands and fought for what she believes in.