To want to eat food I enjoy when we go out for a meal?

[FoodieLexie]

A bit first-world problem here, but I'll plough on anyway.

My DH and I have very different tastes in food. I like veg-based dishes, with lots of herbs and spices and contrasting tastes. DH likes comfort food - think bangers & mash, shepherd's pie. I don't mind comfort food, but it would never be my first choice IYSWIM.

But as DH doesn't like any spicy food, or anything remotely "foreign", if we go out for a meal we always go to places that serve the food he prefers. We've done this for 20 years now.

AIBU to think that, just sometimes (my birthday, Mother's Day etc) we could go to a restaurant that serves the type of food I enjoy?

What's really annoying is that as far as I know, DH has never even tried anything different, so how does he know he doesn't like it?

I know I could go to "my" type of restaurant with a friend, but we don't have a huge amount of money, and we like to spend what we have on going out together.

You are not bu
Your dh is being u and selfish.
I cannot believe his attitude!
Go out and enjoy your dinners out op.

I find the opposite reanimated. It’s others who cause a fuss. I’m quite happy to sit there with my bread roll but am often mae to feel uncomfortable by the constant, why don’t you just try a little bit if this, is that all you’re having. You can’t just eat that, try this, it’s lovely etc etc.

Just leave me alone.

If he is paying for the meals - you have no option! Go with the flow or don't eat out.

I'm a veggie and there are other foods I don't like (mostly cheeses). I try soooooooooooo hard to have it not be the deciding factor on where we eat. This was harder years ago - much easier now.

However, occasionally we'll eat somewhere low on options for me, and he scans the menu and quickly works out that what I've ordered is actually the only thing I can eat. And then its ruined no matter how much I claim to have wanted whatever it is i'm having. He feels guilty about enjoying his dinner and would rather we both did.

It's sweet as we're both trying to put the other one first, but it doesn't make him happy no matter how much I wish it would.

As others have said, talk to him.

There are many good pubs that do ‘comfort food’ as well as a passable curry.

Lots of people have suggested something similar but what seems wildly unfair. The OP has to put up with a ‘passable’ imitation of a curry so her DH always gets his way.

Just no.

OP, you I liked the breezy approach of just booking something and informing your DH that’s where you are going. It’s going to a culture shock (not just the cuisine but you actually making sure your choices get prioritised once in a while) but stand your ground.

If he is paying for the meals - you have no option! Go with the flow or don't eat out.

I can’t believe I just read that.

We went to a Turkish restaurant with a family member like this. He was appalling, until they served him "the best lamb chops I'd had in years". And chips, of course. I wouldn't suggest you go out of your way to choose something that satisfies him, but if he can't compromise even for your birthday, it's a sad state of affairs.

I'm a fussy eater. I don't make a fuss and all places have food I will eat (and no it's not fish, chips, burgers - blerk!). I am allergic to seafood, but even then can find something at a seafood restaurant.

Indian - a mild butter chicken, steamed rice, potato cake, pakora if he's being adventurous, naan bread, those crunchy flat things I don't eat but others like - easy, very similar to english food. Tandoori chicken - yum. I love a good raita!

Chinese - try cashew chicken with steamed rice
Thai - try satay chicken with steamed rice
Japanese - i love sushi rolls which is weird as I never eat food that is served hot (ie rice) cold. I always have to reheat - so sushi is a major exception for me. Japanese has lots of nice marinated meats that go well with steamed rice.
Italian - surely he eats lasagne? I love gnocchi.
Middle eastern - yummy meat skewers, rice, Turkish bread

K1233 - I’m afraid I wouldn’t eat any of those things although I don’t know what butter chicken is?

I just looked it up. The creamy sauce would be a no

With all due respect Comefromaway you clearly have very extreme requirements around food. Nothing the OP has said would suggest that her husband’s diet is as restricted as yours, so not really relevant to OP’s problem.

Haven't RTFT so it's probably been suggested but Cosmo does world foods including British food.

YANBU

I'm veggie and my (now ex) partner tried booking somewhere for my birthday meal. He was very sad when they turned out to be fully booked for months.

I looked at the menu to see what I was missing. Well, I was missing fuck all really seeing as they only had one veggie option on the menu. There were all kinds of wonderful sounding meat dishes, nothing run of the mill so I can see why the selfish greedy cunt was planning to book that for my birthday meal. I, on the other hand, would have been lumbered with basil and red pepper gnocchi. I really dislike basil and red pepper. Gnocchi isn't exactly high on my list of favourite foods either!

My suggestion is to smother your husband in a pile of mashed potato and then spend the life insurance money on curries. You know it makes sense

As a fellow super taster, it is awful when you don't realise what you are. He sounds like he has more taste buds than he should which means he can taste a lot more.

I'm at the extreme end so pepper is an absolute no go. Same with complex or rich dishes - I start to shake or even twitch making dessert often a difficult situation.

It took a long time to get me out trying new things too but my partner getting me in the Kitchen and experimenting with individual flavours and texture helped me.

Look at cooking toddler aimed recipes - 75% of kids are super tasters as an evolution trait to stop them eating things often poisonous or dangerous. It is why most kids don't like spicy food, tea, coffee, alcohol, dark chocolate and green vegetables.

These toddler recipes will help him find out that food is not scary if you know what are your triggers. I know that pepper is an absolute no go but I can have mustard powder in cream /cheesy sauces. I've basically had to relearn my approach to food and now I know the right questions to ask or what to look out for.

It will be a long journey but one worth making.

Being a super taster, once you learn how to use it, can be a great gift - most of us though are just so scared and untrusting as a normal person will taste something completely different to us.

I hope that helps.

Book somewhere that does both... e.g. our local Chinese does European meals

What a selfish bastard.

Agree with Turkish, Lebanese, Greek as he can have meat and chips and you can have something more sophisticated like tagine or various meze options. My DD and I do this together. Also agree if you can find a global buffet restaurant near you, you will be sorted. Some restaurants do a nice mix of traditional food and fusion/Asian food. I guess it does depend where you live but sounds like a bit more research needs doing and also for you to stand up for yourself a bit more.

@MidniteScribbler

You have that entirely wrong. There is one food group I can't eat, it makes me vomit. Generally it is easily avoided by just picking something else, occasionally the veggie option. I love food from all cultures, chinese, indian, Mexican, greek, Italian etc.

This was at the most english of english establishments. I agreed to go because everyone else liked the food and at similar types of places they had always had a veggie option or chicken or something else I could eat. This place didn't. I had a plate of chips and tried not to ruin everyone else's meal. Any vegetarian would have had the same option.

Very selfish. I’ve recently got to know two mums from school who are both really lovely so we’ve been out for dinner a few time:’s. One of the mums is really fussy and always ends up changing the restaurant we agree on or objects to Indian, Thai actually anything bar European food. It’s so boring and I feel it’s bordering on rude.

There are lots of these buffet style restaurants that now serve loads of different countries foods, we have been to several that actually have a carvery area as well as other typical English dishes. Have a look to see if you can find one in your area.

Sounds exhausting op. I hope you've had a chat and you're going somewhere you pick for Mother's Day!

Lilly’s supertaster theory really doesn’t apply to the OP’s DH as he has never tried non traditional British comfort food. He doesn’t actually know whether he would like other foods as he hasn’t tried them.

My DH was like this when I met him 20 years ago, he’d been brought up on meat and 2 veg, meat pies, chops etc. He’d never been abroad, rarely had family meals out and if he did it was for a Sunday roast. He had never even had rice or pasta dishes at home.

I worked at an Indian restaurant and my family went out regularly for Indian food. DH had little choice but to join us, the waiters were brilliant for suggesting dishes and making alterations in strength or ingredients. It became his favourite meal, he now loves Thai, Chinese, Japanese and Indian food. Holidays abroad had him trying proper kebabs, fish meze, Spanish tapas, all sorts. He worked in Turkey for several months and would have starved if he’d been unwilling to try new food, some he didn’t even know what it was.

OP’s DH is probably very stuck in his ways now and is overly anxious about trying new food. We live in a small agricultural city so don’t have the variety of eateries as some but we do have some very old traditional pubs who use mainly local ingredients and have amazing menus. Their British comfort food is lush but they also offer a range of very tasty veggie based dishes. If in a city I’d recommend venturing out to a country pub that rely on good food to make people travel out to them.

Is his name Gareth? Did we ever open that place Spicy As Fuck?

so many of them are appalling attention-seekers - and that every meal with them involves not just the hassle of finding something they will eat but putting up with all the face-pulling and moaning and fake-gagging over what everyone else has chosen.

I've known a couple of these. It's extremely tedious, not to mention fucking rude.

Buffet restaurants aren't really a solution as they're not really a relaxing social experience as everyone is always getting up and down for food.

so many of them are appalling attention-seekers - and that every meal with them involves not just the hassle of finding something they will eat but putting up with all the face-pulling and moaning and fake-gagging over what everyone else has chosen.

Oh I've come across so many of these too. A constant commentary that goes 'i can't believe you're going to eat that, I could never eat that. You actually are going to eat that aren't you? How can anyone eat that? Ewww, you're actually putting that in your mouth? Ewwwww! You're disgusting, I can't believe anyone would eat that'. Etc etc etc