To want to eat food I enjoy when we go out for a meal?

[FoodieLexie]

A bit first-world problem here, but I'll plough on anyway.

My DH and I have very different tastes in food. I like veg-based dishes, with lots of herbs and spices and contrasting tastes. DH likes comfort food - think bangers & mash, shepherd's pie. I don't mind comfort food, but it would never be my first choice IYSWIM.

But as DH doesn't like any spicy food, or anything remotely "foreign", if we go out for a meal we always go to places that serve the food he prefers. We've done this for 20 years now.

AIBU to think that, just sometimes (my birthday, Mother's Day etc) we could go to a restaurant that serves the type of food I enjoy?

What's really annoying is that as far as I know, DH has never even tried anything different, so how does he know he doesn't like it?

I know I could go to "my" type of restaurant with a friend, but we don't have a huge amount of money, and we like to spend what we have on going out together.

@Boysey45

I can safely say that as someone that had a partner like this, it doesn't matter what the menu says they won't eat it as it may have been cooked in a "different" way.

It becomes not just a waste of money, or a waste of food but a waste of time and effort trying to change someones mind when it is so firmly set.

There are plenty of places where the OP can eat, not so many where her partner will eat, but there are places they could go where they may both be able to eat.

Oriunda has a point, Wagamama does katsu chicken and rice, which is basically a single giant chicken nugget with plain rice. You can have some amazing spicy deliciousness.

Im sure other Japanese eateries offer Similar.

But yep. YANBU. 20 years of his choice, time for 20 years of your choice.

Surely any decent bistro or Gastropub will have something to suit both of your tastes?

SileneOliveira, that’s not fair. My toddler loves curry! 😁

Would he eat omelet and chips in a Chinese or Indian restaurant OP? Are those the type of places you’re referring to or something else?

My ex refused to eat at a restaurant I wanted to go to on my 40th. We were with a group of friends on a weekend trip abroad and he made a massive fuss. Utter git - can't believe I tolerated his selfishness for so long!

Many meat based restaurants do awful or uninspired samey vegetarian choices.

He is behaving selfishly and on your birthday etc you should not agree for him to choose.

OP isn’t vegetarian.

OP please insist you will choose your Mother's Day venue. As everyone has said, there are plenty of places that will
have something your DH can eat.

It always amazes me that people allow this type of scenario to go on for so long. My DH would never insist on only going to places he prefers because it's selfish and he knows I wouldn't stand for it. He declared he didn't like curry until he ate one and liked it! No we wouldn't go every week, but if I fancied one he'd happily book a table, because it's a nice thing for me. I'd be saying, 'We've been eating what you prefer for 20 years, so now we'll be going to some places I'd like to try.'

Do you by any chance do all the cooking at home as well?

DH was like this when I married him. He didn't cook, still doesn't but likes eating.

In the interests of his own survival, he now eats a wide range of foods.

I do still hear 'too spicy' but the transformation is immense.

That’s a bit like me and dh but the reverse. I have food phobias and would rather starve than try certain things. I tend to not accept invitations to meals with others because of it.

We used to go to Indian restaurants but mosthave stopped doing chicken and chips now. I don’t eat rice or naan bread

So we usually aim for Italian as most (not all) will do me a plain steak.

Of course you should pick a restaurant sometimes, if not every other time, Indian restaurants always do an ‘english’ section On the menu, steak and chips or omelette.

I quite like sausages and mash, sometimes, and am partial to cottage pie, but they wouldn't be my 'meal out' choices.

My SIL is similar, but different, so it is always Pizza when with them.

I understand him not eating spicy food, I'm the same - I'm not adventurous when it comes to food. However I do manage to find something when we go out! I always have a korma when we go for a curry and the most mild dishes if we go for a Chinese.

If there's nothing suitable on the menu I ask for something to be adapted, for example if they have chicken in spices I ask for a plain grilled one. Nowhere has ever said no!

I'd just leave him sat at home by himself.
Its not just about the food, its him being mean, selfish and controlling. Why give him any consideration when hes been a git for 20 years?

Will he try things if you point him in the right direction?
I'm sure you can suggest milder options.
What's the worst that can happen? He needs a bag of chips on the way home. I'm sure you wouldn't order him a vindaloo!
Best outcome? He realises there is a whole world of flavour out there.

Many Italian restaurants will do chicken/ steak/ fish dishes as well as pasta, risotto and other Italian food.

Presumably you can find something to eat in the places he chooses, even if it isn’t your preferred type of meal, but he would struggle to have a meal at all somewhere of your choice. In which case it wouldn’t be a nice birthday meal out anyway. He would be sat there miserable and you would be eating a tasty meal in an awful atmosphere. I feel your pain. The one and only time I have been out for Mother’s Day lunch it was Pizza Hut.

He sounds like my MIL - meat and two veg everytime!

Same her! DH breaks out in a sweat with anything more than a Korma, dd wintbtrr anything spicy, and DS puts in a brave face, but his heart is not really in it. And they all love meat..... I am a very occassionally pescatarian, but largely eat veggie.

I go out for a curry with my friends from time to time, and have to grin and bear Harvester with DH and the dc. This id their favourite restaurant . Last time we went, then had none of their veggie options available (it was midday on a Sunday !!!!)! except for pasta and tomato sauce, and I refuse to pay for pasta except in a proper Italian restaurant. It’s just so basic, what I make at home. I had salad and chips.... they didn’t even have any sweet potato fries in.

You've picked a restaurant in 20 years?!

I don't even know where to start with this one.

not picked*

Why on earth would you give into this for 20 years?

DH is a carnivore who likes a lot of meat (and only just tolerates vegetables) whereas I am a vegetarian but we always choose together or take it in turns.

He sounds like a selfish arse, frankly. And you're very silly to have let him dictate this for so long. Stop pandering and stage a rebellion!!

They don't serve the best food but what about a "world buffet" type place, a lot of it is Indian and Chinese at outs but they serve pizza, chips, pasta, kebabs, sausages and a carvery on a Sunday here at least. Not my preference tbh but it's a good compromise with my parents who don't do foreign except pasta.

As PP said, do you have to restrict yourself when it comes to cooking at home, too? Or is it a matter of getting him a ready meal when you fancy cooking the sort of thing you prefer?
I know that some people have major food issues which means their diet is pretty restricted and not all of them are just in need of a fucking slap but some people with the sort of attitude you describe are basically racist as well as selfish and unimaginative: it's not just about 'plain' food, it's about disliking and fearing 'foreign' food.