To want to eat food I enjoy when we go out for a meal?

[FoodieLexie]

A bit first-world problem here, but I'll plough on anyway.

My DH and I have very different tastes in food. I like veg-based dishes, with lots of herbs and spices and contrasting tastes. DH likes comfort food - think bangers & mash, shepherd's pie. I don't mind comfort food, but it would never be my first choice IYSWIM.

But as DH doesn't like any spicy food, or anything remotely "foreign", if we go out for a meal we always go to places that serve the food he prefers. We've done this for 20 years now.

AIBU to think that, just sometimes (my birthday, Mother's Day etc) we could go to a restaurant that serves the type of food I enjoy?

What's really annoying is that as far as I know, DH has never even tried anything different, so how does he know he doesn't like it?

I know I could go to "my" type of restaurant with a friend, but we don't have a huge amount of money, and we like to spend what we have on going out together.

I don't know how you have managed 20 years being married to such a pathetic creature. I can't stand the oh it's foreign I cant eat it or the attitude that they hate everything Indian or Chinese. How can you hate every single thing for goodness sake. Most of the time these pathetic people have never even tried any of the things that they insist they don't like. It is tedious for all around them having to eat every meal out at a place like Harverster which lets face it serves shit food anyway.

Setting going out to restaurants to one side for the moment -

How on earth do you manage to eat together in your own home? Do you have to make two separate meals?

TWENTY YEARS? Jesus. Don’t you ever go to Indian or Chinese restaurants where they do plain dishes as well as spicy ones?

Even Giraffe restaurants suit us because DH and I can have spicy food and supertaster-ultra-plain-food dd can have chicken or a burger. Even she has a few Chinese dishes she loves though.

I could never be in a relationship with someone who is a fussy eater. Obviously if the restricted diet was health related that would be entirely different but if it was just 'I don't like to try anything new' it would be a total deal-breaker for me.

OP go out to somewhere that you'll enjoy, he'll just have to find something to eat, even if it's boring for him.

Most places will do chips and meat/fish won't they ? How canhe not try something

What is the point in him going if there's nothing on the menu he likes?

Go without him. (and don't say go to an Indian as they do chicken and chips. I can't bear the smell of the spices so I couldn't eat there anyway)

It's no fun being 'fussy'

No it isn’t nanny.

I cook separate meals at home. So I might do spicy chicken & cous cous for dh with roast Mediterranean veg whereas I’ll have a plain chicken breast & jacket potato.

I can cope with some mild spices but it’s the sauces. I won’t eat anything in a milky/creamy sauce, I won’t touch cheese at all and I’m not very fond of anything garlicky either. I don’t eat rice, pasta or other grains or seafood only plain grilled or baked fish as long as it hasn’t been cooked with lemon.

Life is full of compromises. Fill him up with snacks before hand, then he can sit and 'toy' with something while you have what you want to eat!

Is there a 'social setting' question in this too - does he like basic, family, value for money and down-to-earth restaurants whereas you want to go to the more upmarket, fancy, "tiny amount on a plate for £50' restaurants?

@boysey45 he’s mid 50s, so not decrepit! Sadly I think a lot of restaurants that have (eg) curry and burgers on the menu tend to be pretty poor. I’d rather have a really good quality and well-cooked burger than a shitty microwave curry. Lebanese is a fab idea - I’ve been to a couple of Lebanese restaurants with colleagues and the food was perfect for me - and I think they did stuff like plain lamb chops too. Japanese might be tough as he’s not too keen on soy sauce. He does actually eat very basic Chinese takeaway stuff - chow mein etc - which is a sort of compromise.

He eats more than me then foodie

I don't think I would have had a second date with someone that's a fussy eater, never mind being with them 20 years.

To me, having an adventurous spirit to try new things, i.e. new foods, new cultures, experiences, etc...are what make life interesting.
I understand that a person doesn't have to like everything but at least be willing to try to find a happy compromise.

If you've tolerated your husband dictating where you should both enjoy for the past two decades, you will definitely meet resistance now.
There's no point in trying to change that now.

I think you should just go out on your own or with friends and enjoy yourself. Maybe he'll feel left out and will reconsider or he won't but you will at least be able to enjoy yourself.

TBH, if he's not willing to even try new foods, I'd not be too sympathetic about him having only a "pretty poor" choice of English style options if you want to go somewhere a bit more interesting. Tell him, it's your birthday, you want to go to a curry house or whatever. They do English food too. Steak, omelette, fish, usually all with chips & salad. If he wants to be boring, let him.

How on earth do you manage when you are on holiday? Does he insist on going to places serving English food?

Japanese places do veg in tempura batter as well as a lot of soy stuff, in batter as well as in sauces etc.
Can he use chopsticks OP? because the Japanese places I've been didnt have knives and forks, its proper chopsticks or nothing and the menu was in Japanese as well!

Me and oh have very similar taste in food and love food such as Turkish/Middle Eastern/Lebanese/Indian. I don't know how I would manage with someone who only wants to eat pub grub

i dont eat meat or spicy food but we like to go out for a meal once a fortnight or so and i never have a problem choosing something while partner has the spicy meaty food he loves i always come away happy with my choices and so does dh no point in being awkward

@eggysmom yeah, there is a bit of a mismatch in our expectations of a restaurant! I posted this thread after he offered to take me to the local (very average) pub for mother’s day. Which was kind and I don’t want to appear ungrateful, but I’m reaching the stage where I’d rather not eat out at all than go to yet another place where my choice is pie, fish & chips, burgers etc.

I cook plain stuff for him and DS at home and add a tasty sauce or side for me - pretty much what comefromaway does.

I mean... even Wetherspoons does (or used to) a quite nice vegan curry... Does anywhere really still ONLY do fish & chips, burgers etc?

Just tell him that it’s no longer good enough, that you’re bored to death of it and that it’s really not what you enjoy eating.

Have you actually told him this or is he just going by what he’s always done for 20 years and what you’ve gone along with, which you can hardly blame him for?

I used to know someone who brought a tin of marrowfat peas whenever he went anywhere and would ask for it to be heated up for him. If the restaurant didn’t do a steak and chips to go with it he would just eat the peas.

Most Indian restaurants do chicken and chips etc under an 'English' section on the menu.

That's actually really depressing.

Why depressing? Not to my taste but surely better that restaurants don’t lose business by not catering to those in a party who won’t eat spicy food? When my brother and I were little we used to go to the curry house with our Mum and Dad and we’d have Chicken Maryland- fried chicken, chips, and half a banana and a pineapple ring breaded and fried! No idea where that dish came from. Both of us grew up into curry connoisseurs, haven’t touched a Maryland in 35 years .

YANBU but many of the other posters are.

Your husband is selfish for not letting you choose a restaurant sometimes and for not looking into what he could eat there or whether he could just have a drink.

But it's awful and unfair to call him boring , a manchild , narrow minded , a pathetic creature or a toddler . He has limited foods that he likes. People don't choose that. It makes life really difficult. I eat the exact same, very plain, food every day - I'm basically limited to white meat, fish, fruit, vegetables, fake no carb noodles and haribo and am frightened and uncomfortable about the idea of eating anything else. Certainly no sauces, spices or condiments. My diet is so restricted that I can rarely go to any kind of social event that has food as an essential part of it. It lowers my quality of life and nobody would choose it over being able to eat anything and everything. There's no need to add insults and judgement onto something that's already really difficult.

Agree with manicinsomniac, some of the comments here are horrible. My dh has a very limited diet due to his asd and food phobias. Lots of foods make him gag or vomit. I'm very understanding of it although it can be tricky at times (weddings being the worst!). We mainly eat Italian food and I'm happy with that. At home we make our own dinners. If I want a curry I go out with friends or the dc. However if I wanted something special he would happily come with me and find something or even eat nothing. Your dh is being selfish and you need to call him out on it.

Find a better kind of pub! Somewhere with pie and chips AND really nice things on the menu. It's not that hard these days, honestly.