To want to eat food I enjoy when we go out for a meal?

[FoodieLexie]

A bit first-world problem here, but I'll plough on anyway.

My DH and I have very different tastes in food. I like veg-based dishes, with lots of herbs and spices and contrasting tastes. DH likes comfort food - think bangers & mash, shepherd's pie. I don't mind comfort food, but it would never be my first choice IYSWIM.

But as DH doesn't like any spicy food, or anything remotely "foreign", if we go out for a meal we always go to places that serve the food he prefers. We've done this for 20 years now.

AIBU to think that, just sometimes (my birthday, Mother's Day etc) we could go to a restaurant that serves the type of food I enjoy?

What's really annoying is that as far as I know, DH has never even tried anything different, so how does he know he doesn't like it?

I know I could go to "my" type of restaurant with a friend, but we don't have a huge amount of money, and we like to spend what we have on going out together.

But I’d rather starve than put the wrong foods in my mouth.

Honestly, if you can't handle a plate of fried rice then you need help.

How about a Turkish restaurant. Great, fresh salads for you and DH can have chicken or lamb with chips.

If only it were so easy.

Urgh... poor you OP. I had a few friends who never try new things and always want to go to the same dull restaurant and order the same drab food. They are a nightmare to cook for too with their tiny list of food they will actually eat. I don’t go out for dinner with them anymore as I just can’t stand going to the same shit restaurants they insist on. I go with friends or DH who actually enjoy food and will try new things.

Are you anywhere near an Ivy Cafe as they do Asian fusion salads and also shepherds pie and kippers, traditional food. So everyone would be happy.

There are ‘gastro’ Type pubs all over the place now with a wide variety of food, surely you can found one near you

gingerly raises hand and cowers in the corner..

hi my name is storm11111 and i am a fussy eater, please don't hurt me. Cuisines that might be difficult for me in particular are Sushi/Japanese anything really spicy.

As long as there is one dish I will eat on a menu I am happy to go to any restaurant, I appreciate I am the difficult one and I wish I wasn't fussy but it is what it is. I'm working on it :)

OP as long as you find somewhere where your husband will eat SOMETHING doesn't have to be his favourite, he should be accommodating your restaurant choices.

There are some quite fancy restaurants that serve fish and chips and burgers. Choose a restaurant for the food you want and check if they serve burgers. I know my local Italian does. You can find the menus online. French restaurants often have steaks and chips. Indian is a bit tricky

How boring.

It's very one-sided if you always have to cater to his tastes and never the other way round. And having to cater to him on YOUR birthday and Mother's Day is really out of order.

Start asserting yourself. He can try broadening his horizons a bit ('foreign'; FFS) and/or find something plain on the menu and put up and shut up.

OP is NBU, but there are a lot of harsh, judgemental comments from people on this thread - do you realise you’re talking about someone you don’t know??

I’m pescatarian, but DH loves meat. At home I will cook something we can both eat (he actually now prefers Quorn mince to meat mince!) but when we go out, we compromise to make sure there is something I CAN eat and also like (not just fish and chips or mushroom risotto AGAIN!) as well as making sure there is something good and meaty like a steak/burger for DH to get his meat on! If we go out for brunch he’ll have a full English and I’ll chose something I can eat - lots of places do a veggie breakfast now.

To me it’s all about compromise and making sure that everyone has the opportunity to eat something they enjoy. Winner winner, (fake) chicken dinner!

I've got to say I'm a plain Jane too. I will try different food (if my husband orders it) but we go out so rarely that when we do I want to know I'll enjoy it. Our 'safe' go to tends to be Italian or a steak house. They both have lots of different food on the menu, something a bit plainer for me, and something a bit more 'exotic ' for him lol. If he wants to go for a Chinese or Indian (which I'm not lover of) we tend to go to a banquet where you can just pick lots of different dishes to try, that way he can enjoy his spicy curries and I'll happily plough through chicken fried rice, won ton and spring rolls

Japanese menu

I lived on the 'Japanese Estate' in West Acton for years. The restaurant menu was in Japanese and non speakers had to ask for translation.

In the fish shop/minimart not only was everything in Japanese, but no one spoke English so it was a case of point and hope for the best.

.......or anything remotely "foreign",.

What. A. Twat. So he wouldnt eat pasta/pizza either? Let alone Japanese, Indian etc? Good grief. If he doesnt like spicy food then many Indian restaurants do a really tasty, and not at all hot, chicken korma. Korma, pilau rice and a peshwari naan. YUM!! But, oh, hang on....thats ‘foreign’ isnt it

I have a kid who's idea of fine cuisine is chicken nuggets. We always manage to feed him when we go somewhere more exotic - eg. sushi (me and DP, and DS1 love) he gets teppanyaki steak, or some kind of tempura - there's generally something plain. If we go to an indian, he has a naan and some kind of mild curry to dip it in (won't eat rice) - if we go for Chinese, then chicken balls, or maybe they have satay.

If all fails, most places in the UK will provide chips.

It's not great variety, but if we only ate places he liked, it would be continuous macdonalds, and none of us want that!

OP, before I pile on with lots of posters and call him a miserable sod, does he actually know you feel like this or does he just assume, without thinking? Have you told him you want to go somewhere else? If you have then he's a miserable sod etc etc., if not, it may not even have occurred to him that you want to go somewhere a bit more exciting.

Turkish could be good for both of you? Loads of rice/cous couse and nicely marinated meat. Doesn't have to be spicy.

OP, YANBU to want to go somewhere different, but your DH is also NBU to not want to eat food that he doesn't like.

I am a fussy eater, and the first time I went to an Indian Restaurant, I just ate dish of fried rice. I tried a bit of someone's chicken pasanda while I was there and then next time I ordered that. I now have 2-3 chicken based mild dishes that I eat.

The first time that I went to a Chinese Restaurant, I just ate a dish of Fried Rice, but have graduated to chicken dishes.

My point really, is that he could go along with you and eat the most basic thing on the menu, so that you get a lovely meal. Most places at least do chips or some sort of potato. I never stopped going, or stopped anyone else from going.

If he's nice in every other way, and just doesn't 'get it', then insist on something that is geared more towards you. What I can't understand is if he's so 'nice', that it's taken you 20 years to get to this point?!

I cook plain stuff for him and DS at home

Why aren’t you introducing your DS to interesting food.?
Any future partner of his is going to have the same problems as you.

Is his name Gareth?

My ex husband was like this, would want ham egg and chips when ever we ate out, would order chips from the Chinese or Indian if we were invited out or for a take away. My kids are now just like him.

I like all sorts of food but when eating out I like to eat something I wouldn’t cook at home or something I haven’t tried before. Eating out is much more fun since I ditched dh 🤣

In fairness, he probably doesn’t realise just how bored I am of comfort food

So you've never mentioned it to him?

Do you want him to be a mind reader, or do you enjoy playing the martyr?

I have a similar issue with my husband who always wants either mac and cheese or burger and chips. That’s it. I am willing to compromise most of the time but if we are going out for me. Like for my birthday or mother’s day etc I choose and he can eat the most boring thing on the menu and sulk.

The other reason so many people despise fussy eaters (ie people whose diets are very restricted for reasons other than an actual medical condition) is that so many of them are appalling attention-seekers - and that every meal with them involves not just the hassle of finding something they will eat but putting up with all the face-pulling and moaning and fake-gagging over what everyone else has chosen. If you are a fussy eater and a large cup of grow the fuck up hasn't worked then it's generally best if you avoid social occasions which are all about the food.

I have this problem too, I would love to eat out when we go away and try the local food, but never get the opportunity as DP is like a giant toddler and flatly refuses to even try things so we end up living off pizza (if I’m lucky they do something other than pizza and can have a change). It actually makes things quite miserable sometimes

There are many good pubs that do ‘comfort food’ as well as a passable curry. You need to find a gastro pub that will cook food freshly and be able to leave out or adjust food to each of your tastes. Indian or Chinese restaurants tend to be more tricky than pubs or Italian places. I can’t eat anything spicy for medical reasons and avoid seafood or meat.

You should choose the place to eat this time and if you need to get DH a bag of chips on the way home then so be it!