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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler reins and evil looks?

285 replies

SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 12:51

Took twins to the park this morning with DH. They both wore backpacks with reins attached. Both boys have ASD, one also has a visual impairment and other issues. They are both fascinated by moving cars and will suddenly run for the road, they have no danger awareness. They also both tried to throw themselves into the lake a few times so the reins really came in handy! I have a back problem and other issues so it means I can stop them getting hurt without too much chasing / bending.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents (and especially dog walkers actually) - is it really so awful to use them? It keeps them safe so for me it’s a no brainier but I’m surprised by how much it seems to offend people.

OP posts:
randomsabreuse · 24/03/2019 14:03

We used the older style ones too- better for hoisting a grumpy marionette out of the middle of the road...

Ihatehashtags · 24/03/2019 14:03

I don’t like them myself but in your situation I’d use them too.

Limensoda · 24/03/2019 14:05

I think it's sensible to use reins. I'm sure there are mothers out there who wish they had used them if their toddler has had an accident.
The only time anyone should give you hostile looks is if you've used a muzzle. Grin

recrudescence · 24/03/2019 14:06

I think kids in reins look really cute. They do remind me a bit of dogs on a lead ... but in a good way because I really love dogs. Recently, I saw a little boy in reins actually pretending to be a dog, panting with his tongue out and periodically issuing a woof - very funny. Not being a parent I didn’t know until this thread that some people object to them.

DailyMailFail101 · 24/03/2019 14:09

I thought they were awful like putting children on dog leads THEN I had children of my own and now I often use reins, everybody’s a perfect parent until they have children of their own.

lanbro · 24/03/2019 14:11

I used reins, particularly useful if you have 2 close in age as pushing a pram one handed isn't easy! I got looks but would prefer that to a ran over toddler...!

S1naidSucks · 24/03/2019 14:11

I’m sure they’re not all dirty looks, OP. I have a miserable face, when I’m not smiling, but I might be out with the dogs and see someone with reigns, look and think ‘sensible parent’. Or look at what kind they are, as there are so many different types, since mine were young. I think they’re brilliant and wish more parents would use them, rather than having their children escape them and launch themselves at my dogs. That’s a whole other thread. 😁

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 24/03/2019 14:14

Hi OP
Your children. Your decisions. Their health, safety and well-being are your responsibility - not that of some rude, opinionated, random/relative.
I childmind my Granddaughter 3 days every week - the back-pack/reins has been a Godsend! Like your little ones she would run onto the road. Also, has a tantrum each time we go near a stretch of water - because I won't let her jump in. Strangely enough, absolutely hated the expensive (now abandoned meantime) swimming lessons Confused
Use the reins as long you see necessary.
Enjoy your twins.
Absolutely loved earlier post about the mum getting the comment about reins being for horses Grin

spiderlight · 24/03/2019 14:14

Ignore the looks. People are so quick to judge when it's not their child. I used to walk DS on reins at the same time as two dogs on leads and he always thought it was hilarious - even when we were in safe enclosed spaces he'd ask to go 'on the lead'. Better a few looks off people you'll never see again than a dead or injured child.

LondonJax · 24/03/2019 14:15

I used to love my reins when I was a toddler (over 50 years ago)!

I used to pretend to be a horse and my mum used to 'giddy up' and 'whoa' all the time. Marvellous! I still remember them.

DS had reins too - we used to play the same game. I didn't realise I was being looked at as an odd mum. Oh well, there you go. Didn't hurt me, didn't hurt him and, as he was a trip happy child (hyper mobility in the ankles which we didn't know about at the time), it saved quite a few nose and chin grazes.

kaytee87 · 24/03/2019 14:15

@recrudescence that was probably mine Grin

MinnieMountain · 24/03/2019 14:15

The time DS had a massive tantrum at Paddington station because he didn't want to wear his was rather special. We persisted though because they kept him safe.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/03/2019 14:17

As soon as I saw this thread title I thought of Mrs Presley.

Read her story.

Use the reins.

Anyone seeing fit to comment can be very robustly told exactly why it's none of their business!

Bearfrills · 24/03/2019 14:19

I think they’re brilliant and wish more parents would use them, rather than having their children escape them and launch themselves at my dogs.

This reminds me of something that happened earlier this week. Coming home from the shops with DD and I had a heavy bag, I turfed her out of the buggy so I could put that bag in the seat and she could stretch her legs. We're walking along, her on her reins, and she spots a dog coming towards us. She adores dogs, gets ecstatic whenever she sees one. This dog apparently feels the same way about toddlers because as soon as she spotted DD she started jumping up and down and straining at her lead, much like DD herself was doing.

By the time we got to the dog walker both DD and the dog were straining on their tiptoes at the very ends of their lead/reins, arms/front legs waving desperately towards each other, while the lady and I are holding them back and both asking "is she gentle? Is it okay if she says hello?". The answer to both of us was yes, we relaxed our arms, and DD and the little dog went crackers over one another.

If I hadn't had reins, and that dog hadn't had a lead, and one or the other wasn't gentle then it would have been a different story.

piggybrownhare · 24/03/2019 14:22

How old are they? I ask if they have a diagnosis of ASD. If they are 2 or 3 then it’s fine but not if they are like 8 or something!

Bearfrills · 24/03/2019 14:23

How old are they? I ask if they have a diagnosis of ASD. If they are 2 or 3 then it’s fine but not if they are like 8 or something!

Why would it be wrong for an 8yo with ASD to be on reins? Hmm

Sirzy · 24/03/2019 14:23

At what age do we stop keeping children safe then piggybrown?

SheeshazAZ09 · 24/03/2019 14:24

I think reins are great and don't do any harm. Slightly off the point though, I do get disturbed by the number of quite old kids (walking age) who have dummies permanently stuffed in their mouths. Do the parents really want to deform their teeth and stop them talking (and the brain development that goes with communicating)?

Tootrousers · 24/03/2019 14:26

Reins are great for toddlers.
I don’t understand the hate at all. It’s a pure safety product and I’m sure saved my toddler loads of times as he used to twist his hand out of mine

AliceLiddel · 24/03/2019 14:26

I am so confused that this is a "thing". I never used reins (didnt need to as DDs were lazy) but I have never thought twice about other people using them. Sometimes it makes me laugh when the kids are trying to run away while on them, but Ive never looked down on anyone for using them. If it keeps your kid safe whats the issue?!

Bearfrills · 24/03/2019 14:27

I do get disturbed by the number of quite old kids (walking age) who have dummies permanently stuffed in their mouths. Do the parents really want to deform their teeth and stop them talking (and the brain development that goes with communicating)?

Personally I don't go around judging other parents.

bigbluebus · 24/03/2019 14:29

I used a wrist strap for my DS as his older sister needed a supportive wheelchair, so DS had to walk everywhere from a very early age when I had both of them on my own. I didn't give 2 hoots what anyone else thought or did - it was the only way to keep my 'spirited' toddler safe.

ilovepixie · 24/03/2019 14:38

After Jamie Bulger sales of reins soared. They keep children safe

NewAccount270219 · 24/03/2019 14:42

Slightly off the point though, I do get disturbed by the number of quite old kids (walking age) who have dummies permanently stuffed in their mouths. Do the parents really want to deform their teeth and stop them talking (and the brain development that goes with communicating)?

Gosh, have you been waiting for your chance to shoe horn that bit of pointless spite in? My baby doesn't have a dummy; some of the other babies I know really needed them, and might still when they're walking age. So what?

Lilicat1013 · 24/03/2019 14:44

piggybrownhare plenty of children get diagnosed with autism when they are two, both my boys did. Some eight year olds with autism still use reins, or special needs pushchairs, or wheelchairs.

My older son is autistic is nine on Friday. Although I don't use reins for him on a regular basis I have reins for him. I use these when we travel on the motorway because if the car was ever to break down and we needed to wait on the side of the road I would need them.

My younger son is autistic and six, his has had his first trip out without reins or a pushchair today. In order to do this he needs the full attention and one to one support of an adult and the back up of a second adult who works as a second pair of eyes while looking after my older child. This isn't possible for every trip and every situation so this afternoon he has gone out in a pushchair.

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