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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler reins and evil looks?

285 replies

SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 12:51

Took twins to the park this morning with DH. They both wore backpacks with reins attached. Both boys have ASD, one also has a visual impairment and other issues. They are both fascinated by moving cars and will suddenly run for the road, they have no danger awareness. They also both tried to throw themselves into the lake a few times so the reins really came in handy! I have a back problem and other issues so it means I can stop them getting hurt without too much chasing / bending.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents (and especially dog walkers actually) - is it really so awful to use them? It keeps them safe so for me it’s a no brainier but I’m surprised by how much it seems to offend people.

OP posts:
anniehm · 25/03/2019 08:05

I had reins (bought in U.K. in mothercare) and got stared at in the US, cruel I was even told but they keep kids safe. Dd liked to push her "baby" whilst I pushed her sister and I could loop the reins through my arm just in case. She's autistic so could (and still is) a little unpredictable. The only people who don't get reins drive everywhere!

Hyrana · 25/03/2019 08:14

TeachesOfPeaches Sun 24-Mar-19 13:03:49
They look awful but it's your choice.

Thanks for the insightful comment. In what way do reins that keep a child safe look awful? I would think a child's brain splatted over the road would look worse. FFS grow up or explain why a safety device for children looks awful. SMH

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 25/03/2019 09:30

Rightly or wrongly, I judge people that say they ‘look awful’ as a bit simple minded.

Unlike dummies which are completely optional and also ‘look awful’, reins actually save lives.

S1naidSucks · 25/03/2019 09:37

simple minded really? You think that’s an acceptable term?

MrsJayy · 25/03/2019 09:40

Dummies are comforters like teddies blankets or thumbs none look awful and simple minded Hmm

professionalnomad · 25/03/2019 09:43

When I was a babe (early 1980s) my mum used a retractable dog leash on me and my brother

It worked.....

HoustonBess · 25/03/2019 09:46

My toddler loves reins and often wears them around the house just for the fun of it. When you're out and about they're a useful tool while transitioning to being more independent, ie learning not to bolt into the road. Nothing wrong with that. Some people might prefer to be hyper vigilant instead but who cares? For twins with ASD it sounds like absolutely the right option.

Just smile and say hello at any hostile stares. Mean people don't know what to do if you're nice to them.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 25/03/2019 09:51

Christ- anyone daring to give you funny looks wants to try toddler twins and a 4 year old with ADHD and none of them any sense of danger, in a park with no gate. I’d like to see them try.

Ignore OP. They don’t know they’re born!

Roxyxoxo · 25/03/2019 09:56

I think they’re fab, they keep your little ones safe but allow them to walk around rather than be in a stroller etc, and must make it less stressful for you. People will judge anything!

TheSerenDipitY · 25/03/2019 10:13

i loved them for my two.... they were safe and could be slightly independent but couldnt just race off and get hurt
the only times i got comments were from younger parental types, the usual things, to which would happily reply "fuck off" or "mind your own business" etc
the older parental types would come up and tell me they had them in there day, the white leather kind ( which my mum used with me and my sister back in the day) and normally tell me im doing a great job and complement the use of the reins....
so ignore the looks and comments and do what is right for you
its just another way they can judge you along the line of breast/bottle disposable/mcn natural/cs and all those other little fun things they bring up to judge

Halloumimuffin · 25/03/2019 10:23

I was once handed a toddler on reins by her mother (so she obviously didn't have a problem with them).

Walking along her toddler proceeded to try and LEAP into the path of an oncoming car. I yanked her back and she fell on her bottom, safe and sound on the pavement. Obviously started screaming and then her mum TOLD ME OFF FOR YANKING HER BACK. Some people are just so bloody precious about their darlings.

Maryann1975 · 25/03/2019 10:35

I tend to find those who don’t like reins on toddlers (and are the most vocal about it) are those who cant see the problem when they loose their children at school and have to send everyone out to look for them. I can think of three families at school who claim their children don’t like reins, so they don’t use them, who have ended up loosing their children at the school gates. Luckily their children have always been found quickly and have come to no harm, but I prefer to not to take the risk.

youknowmedontyou · 25/03/2019 10:46

They look awful but it's your choice.

GrinGrinGrin

Ridiculous comment!

Langrish · 25/03/2019 10:56

Oh ignore them. Just don’t understand at all why on earth are people are so exercised about what is clearly an intensely personal safety decision? Every single child is different, our daughter didn’t wander more than 2 feet from us, our son was a whole different ballgame and I’m not entirely sure he’d still be in one 6ft plus piece now without the reins we had to employ on the pavement after he started walking at 10 1/2 months and wanted to walk EVERYWHERE. He was practically running at 13 months 😱

No one else’s business. Do what you need to do to keep them safe and you sane. I’m sure those tutters would tutt even more loudly after a road accident.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 25/03/2019 11:02

DD didn't need reins, she held hands nicely and had zero compulsion to move anywhere (she'd sit for hours and colour nicely).

DS had traditional looking reins (the backpack ones just weren't secure enough, he'd wiggle out). Ours even unclipped so the 'lead' was even longer. It was just like walking a dog. I probably got some looks, but I knew where DS was, I could concentrate on my older DD if necessary and I couldn't give a f**k what anyone thought.

Actually, we were at a castle and an older man came up to me and said how refreshing it was to see someone using reins when there were lots of other kids pretty close to steep drops. I did say that DS would have been in the moat in a couple of minutes if not Grin

In fact, DS eventually didn't want to wear reins, we moved to a wrist strap and finally he would hold hands nicely (with the threat of reins/strap if he didn't behave). He's 3.5 now and we no longer need them.

MRex · 25/03/2019 11:03

Maybe people were just staring randomly and nothing to do with the reins. People love a good stare. Unless your twins are actually 18, then it might look a bit odd (and you'd have to be very strong).

You're not alone anyway. I've got a harness for early walking as he tends to fall over a LOT, but really wants to walk and it's better than letting him face plant on concrete. I've already got the backpack reins for when he's more stable too. I'll let him run free in the park where it's safe, but not on nor near roads. Some people go everywhere in cars, we walk everywhere, so I need him to be safe.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 25/03/2019 11:08

Ok - I think they sound thick, if that makes you feel better @S1naidSucks

@MrsJayy that’s my point - plenty of people say that they don’t like the look of dummies but the difference is, a dummy is for comfort. Reins are for safety.

SomethingOnce · 25/03/2019 11:13

‘Evil looks’?! Think you’re imagining things, tbh.

Worst-case scenario: One or two people think reins are oppressive in some way. And what?

Jesus.

TheSassyAssassin · 25/03/2019 11:23

Used traditional reins with DD for a while. She's a "trip-over-my-own-toes-whilst-looking-at-the-sky" type (she still goes splat a lot) and as well as keeping her safe when she was distracted by something, as PPs have said, they were great at stopping her falling and hurting herself every time we went out. Reins are brilliant. Judgy people not so!

AlphaJura · 25/03/2019 11:40

My mum had to use reins for me because apparently I would never listen and run off. I never got on with them for my dc.. DS would walk, but when I tried reins on him he'd kneel down and refuse to walk when we were crossing roads and I found that more dangerous. Dd was a late Walker and a bit clingy so I didn't need them. She was also quite lazy so I used the buggy a lot.

SurgeHopper · 25/03/2019 11:47

DM had Brown leather reins for my brother but not me as I was an angel and always did as I was told Halo

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 25/03/2019 11:49

If you are walking your children like dogs instead of teaching them safety and awareness then that’s lazy

Yep I can see it now...

'DS, heel....HEEL. Good boy. Sit. Good boy. Stay....stay...good boy, here's a treat' with a pat on the head. Hmm

S1naidSucks · 25/03/2019 12:08

Ok - I think they sound thick, if that makes you feel better @S1naidSucks**

It’s not about making ME feel better. It’s about not using ignorant terminology, when many posters have children with disabilities. Maybe think before you call out an ignorant poster by using an ignorant terminology.

Weathergirl1 · 25/03/2019 13:44

I was on reins as a child in the early 1980s and I've been told by my Mum that whenever I had my coat put on to go outside I'd stand with my arms out ready for them to put the reins on! One of my parents' friends refused to use them with her daughter (who I spent a lot of my early years with) because of the 'treating the child like a dog' reason. Her daughter always had massive scabs on her knees from when she'd fallen over 🤷

I vividly remember the Jamie Bulger murder when I was a bit older and my parents were fully of the opinion that if he'd been in reins it wouldn't have happened (not trying to blame the mother, as clearly those boys were evil and shouldn't have done what they did).

I actually wish more parents would use them especially in busy shopping areas - toddlers are unpredictable at the best of times and I've seen elderly people nearly taken out by one running infront of them before. I do think the backpack type ones that have been around more recently do look a bit less 'leash-like' - maybe that's why they seem to be a bit more popular again?

We will be using them if we get as far as having a toddler!

mbosnz · 25/03/2019 13:59

IHRTFT, but I completely understand and support parents making the caring and responsible choice to ensure their children can walk, rather than being strapped in a stroller, but also remain safe - and out of the way of other people, traffic, dogs, etc!