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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler reins and evil looks?

285 replies

SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 12:51

Took twins to the park this morning with DH. They both wore backpacks with reins attached. Both boys have ASD, one also has a visual impairment and other issues. They are both fascinated by moving cars and will suddenly run for the road, they have no danger awareness. They also both tried to throw themselves into the lake a few times so the reins really came in handy! I have a back problem and other issues so it means I can stop them getting hurt without too much chasing / bending.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents (and especially dog walkers actually) - is it really so awful to use them? It keeps them safe so for me it’s a no brainier but I’m surprised by how much it seems to offend people.

OP posts:
Minai · 24/03/2019 14:45

I get this too. I have a 3 month old in the sling and my 22 month old is not good with instructions. I don’t understand the looks we get at all. He doesn’t mind the reins and has plenty of opportunity to run around without them when I can keep him safe. People should mind their own business!

Shazafied · 24/03/2019 14:47

I posted a pic of my then 12 mo (who walks FAST but does fall down and try to get into the road) wearing her cute little backpack reins whilst l waking along with her daddy. She point blank refuses to hold hands.

Someone posted “oh please. Please stop treating your child like a dog. Why not just hold her hand”

She was promptly told to fuck off.

Shazafied · 24/03/2019 14:48

Reins are also really good for breaking / minimising falls. They still fall but not as hard.

goldengummybear · 24/03/2019 14:51

It's better that you keep them safe than have them risk death and injury. You have my sympathy with the running off- my kids loved to dash to a stone, stick or piece of rubbish that's caught their eye.

Fuck other people's opinions unless the twins are adult men or something.

LeslieYep · 24/03/2019 14:54

They don't live your life, so balls to them!
I use reins on my Usain bolt(er) of a DD and I'm 27 weeks pregnant. If the reins were around their necks I could understand the looks, but it's for their safety!
Judgey looks are nothing, but have a few come backs ready should anyone decide they know better than you how to deal with your children!

Shelbybear · 24/03/2019 14:54

Ignore those people, you are keeping your kids safe.

I actually need to get some reins as I'm that parent running after my little one who bolts and thinks it's funny 🙄

PhillipeFellope · 24/03/2019 14:54

Slightly off the point though, I do get disturbed by the number of quite old kids (walking age) who have dummies permanently stuffed in their mouths. Do the parents really want to deform their teeth and stop them talking (and the brain development that goes with communicating)?

Grin Grin Grin My 2.4 year old still has a dummy occasionally, it's a comfort item, it used to shut him up, but alas, it doesn't any more, I'll have to dig the muzzle out.

VampirateQueen · 24/03/2019 14:54

I use reins for my DS, he is only 18 months old, but he looks much older, I can't trust him to walk without his reigns. I get looks all the time, and not just when he has the reins on, because obviously he acts like an 18 month old, and people looks at him disgusted when he does, as they believe him to be older.

KindergartenKop · 24/03/2019 15:02

Reins are great, the most important thing is that your kids are safe.

I also sometimes throw sticks for my kids in the park, it's a great form of exercise!

Purpleartichoke · 24/03/2019 15:04

one day my toddler took off running and I couldn’t catch her. Girl was fast. She got to the other end of a giant warehouse style store before I found her. It was terrifying. She wore an adorable monkey backpack that had a tail I could hold. I didn’t care about looks. I doubt any of those people would have helped grab my toddler when she took off running the next time.

Original poster
SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 15:15

They’re 2.5 now - one was diagnosed with ASD just before Christmas and the other in February. It’s been a tough few months (well year really, since t2 had a big regression at 18 months and it was pretty obvious he had ASD or something else going on, then about when they turned 2 I realised when reading up that T1 has it too - very different presentations, T1 is more “typical” of what you’d expect from ASD but is very intelligent in some respects and didn’t have the same level of regression as his brother).

The dummy point made me realise the other main reason we use reins - T2 is a huge sensory seeker and will pick up and eat anything he can find on the floor. We’ve only recently been able to go to the park at all as he would sit on the floor picking at and eating the tarmac - today the reins saved him from eating a few lumps of goose poo he spotted. I wish he would use a dummy to be honest - it’s better than picking up and eating literal crap from the floor (in the park once he picked up a whole discarded cigarette and put it in his mouth).

OP posts:
Original poster
SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 15:16

Actually, a muzzle could solve this problem 🤔

Kidding 😂

OP posts:
EastEndQueen · 24/03/2019 15:28

Reins are brilliant! I have a bolting toddler too and use his rucksack with reins in public always if he is out of the pram - I take it off in the park when we are well away from the road but I don’t have two to chase. DS won’t hold hands and screams if I try, but forgets he is on the reins as long as I keep up with him. Ignore those who judge, as others have said, unless they are volunteering to help you with your little ones...

HopeGarden · 24/03/2019 15:36

I’ve used reins with all 3 of my DC when toddler age, and I’ve never had anyone give me any negative comments or looks about them.
And honestly, I’d ignore them if they did, I care more about my DC’s safety than about some random stranger’s opinion.

I suspect most people who get judgy about reins have got children who hold hands without protest and behave nicely around danger. Reins were essential for DS1 when he was a toddler, he hated being in the pushchair, he hated holding hands, and he would run off, heedless of any danger, given half a chance.

Sleepyblueocean · 24/03/2019 15:38

My 12 year old still wears the back pack type because he has zero understanding of road safety, water safety etc. We get some prolonged staring but dismiss them as dicks.
I judge people who let tiny toddlers walk around supermarket carparks without watching them but I think that deserves judgement.

Jasmineallenestate · 24/03/2019 15:42

Years ago there was a lovely poster who had lost her child by them slipping away from her into the road. She campaigned on MN to remive the stigma of something that saves lives. I often think of her. X

bringincrazyback · 24/03/2019 15:43

Reins for toddlers was pretty much a standard thing when I was young (70s), as I recall. Not sure when or why people started getting judgey (I don't mean on this thread, I mean in general) about something that's so clearly a contributor to safety. I haven't any kids myself, but it's always seemed like a no-brainer to me.

Biancadelrioisback · 24/03/2019 15:46

I don't have a physical disability, I only have 1 son and he doesn't have any MH issues or developmental delays. I still use reins. I don't like the look of them but I also don't like the look of stair gates but that doesn't stop me from using them!
It's slightly embarrassing when you're the only one in a group who's child is on reins but I know my son and I know what he's like. Reins help keep him safe. I'd rather look silly than risk him getting hurt.

Dillydallyingthrough · 24/03/2019 15:47

Oh Op I really hope it wasn't me! I saw a lady this morning with twins with reins in backpacks. I was giving a bit of a quizzical look as I couldn't work out how they didn't slide off the arms. I have never used them, so was a bit like 'how do the backpacks say on?!' then realised they have a strap at the front Blush. The DM looked at me, and I went to say why I was looking and how gorgeous they were, when they walked off the other way. So sometimes it's innocent....

Preggosaurus9 · 24/03/2019 15:48

Judgy looks for toddler on reins
Judgy looks for toddler running off
Judgy looks for toddler in a pushchair

"Oh my, how cruel, undisciplined, babyish..."

Judgy looks left right and centre when you have a toddler tbh.

Keep them safe. That's all that matters!

HJE17 · 24/03/2019 15:51

Before I had children I’ll admit I was a bit judgy about reins. I always thought “is it really so hard just to hold their hands?!”

Now I know: YES. Yes, it is. I haven’t used reins yet with my DD but the thought has certainly crossed my mind. As has the thought of just not taking her out until she’s a reasonable, grown human! 😂 Do what you need to do, especially with twins with special needs. Lady, you’re a hero!

sagradafamiliar · 24/03/2019 15:53

Smile, and the world smiles with you. Give a shitty look and get one right back!
I'm considering using them for DS2 now he's getting to the age.

lilabet2 · 24/03/2019 15:55

Kids can run into the road so quickly that reins are just sensible!

sagradafamiliar · 24/03/2019 15:55

That wasn't referring to you giving a shitty look, btw. It's my advice for when you encounter one Grin

Biancadelrioisback · 24/03/2019 15:55

@HJE17 they're slippery little things, children's hands lol.