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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler reins and evil looks?

285 replies

SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 12:51

Took twins to the park this morning with DH. They both wore backpacks with reins attached. Both boys have ASD, one also has a visual impairment and other issues. They are both fascinated by moving cars and will suddenly run for the road, they have no danger awareness. They also both tried to throw themselves into the lake a few times so the reins really came in handy! I have a back problem and other issues so it means I can stop them getting hurt without too much chasing / bending.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents (and especially dog walkers actually) - is it really so awful to use them? It keeps them safe so for me it’s a no brainier but I’m surprised by how much it seems to offend people.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 24/03/2019 13:16

I used reins and because they were quite short and both dc wanted to run about and hated just walking by the side of me I attached extendable dog leads.

The only issue was if they saw a group of people they would run round them with me running in circles after them otherwise the lead would tie the group up.

Ds walked at 9 months so I had a 2 year old and a 9 month old and a dog. Neither child would use a pushchair. I was walking around in agony (undiagnosed slip disc)

Only once had someone comment negatively and she got it with both barrels

Chouetted · 24/03/2019 13:17

@sinkgirl thanks for the info - they sound ingenious Grin

TwiceAsNice22 · 24/03/2019 13:17

Every child is different - it might not be that your friends are more confident. Their kids just might not be runners. My friends twins were, they (one in particular) would just take off. It was so unpredictable. I would have been a nervous wreck if my kids did that. Look at it that you are using something to keep your kids safe while giving them independence and a degree of freedom. It’s win win.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/03/2019 13:18

Some kids will hold hands and not stray or get distracted,they’ll never need reins
And for the rest of us,use your judgement and if you need reins use them

MrsJayy · 24/03/2019 13:19

I’m disabled. When my kids were small I could walk but not run. So when they were toddlers I had them on reins until I was 100% confident of them not running off. To be fair they were pretty biddable.

This was me when mine were toddlers

Original poster
SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 13:21

That story is so tragic, I can’t imagine how you survive something like that. As others have said, they give my lovely boys the chance to run and play rather than being strapped into a buggy. They had a fantastic time and don’t object to the reins at all - you should see how excited T1 gets about the cars, it’s so sweet. I’m glad I have the option that means I can keep him safe - I gather in some European countries they’re really frowned upon so we’d just be stuck indoors until they learn some road safety!

OP posts:
SimonJT · 24/03/2019 13:21

I used them, I couldn’t stand up straight and hold my sons hand, we also live in central London, so if he ran he wouldn’t be in sight.

PregnantSea · 24/03/2019 13:23

My mum used reins on me and I somehow managed to get over it.

Just do what works for you OP, random passer-bys don't have enough information about your situation to have a worthwhile opinion.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/03/2019 13:23

I’ve noticed some parents of bolters keep them stuffed in a buggy
Ahh that’s a good judgemental take on it.stuffed you say.as opposed to strapped in..

MillieMoodle · 24/03/2019 13:23

We used reins with DS1 until he was 4 as he was a terrible bolter. His childminder had to keep him on a wrist strap for the school run when he started school. I did have a couple of comments from people about leads being for dogs, not children.

We used backpack reins for DS2 from when he started walking at 11 months, but he was steady on his feet from day one and so far hasn't been a bolter. He's 2.5 now and quite happy to hold hands or walk alongside us. I've had a couple of comments from older people saying what a good idea the backpack ones are and saying they wished they'd had them when their kids were small.

They help keep little ones safe so they're a great idea imo!

StinkyHedgehog · 24/03/2019 13:24

You're definitely not unreasonable so long as your children are young … being 35 and still on reins would definitely get some funny looks Grin

I used to use reins or wrist straps - better safe than sorry was my motto. They could still learn road sense.

HouseOfToys · 24/03/2019 13:25

I don't get what the problem is. I think they are great and so much safer than an unpredictable child legging it.

I used them on both DC's until I trusted them.
Just do whatever works for you.

HappyPunky · 24/03/2019 13:26

DD had a little life back pack and I used to keep my purse and keys in it Grin. I don't think I got dirty looks for keeping my child safe but I wouldn't have given a shit anyway.
Take no notice of them!

Creatureofthenight · 24/03/2019 13:26

DD will not hold my hand. If we’re walking along the road (which is not a regular occurrence) she will have reins on. I couldn’t give a monkeys about dirty looks, it’s the safest way to go about things.

randomsabreuse · 24/03/2019 13:26

I'm not particularly tall at 5'5. My now 3 year old has just reached a height where holding hands is vaguely comfortable so we have stopped using reins. Will be using them again when DS is walking.

They are also good for allowing the child to find their own balance but stop them faceplanting...

Original poster
SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 13:27

😂 They’re 2.5, but developmentally about half that in most areas - their gross motor skills (running, walking, climbing) are excellent but their cognitive and communication skills are very impaired, for one especially. Neither can talk or understand any words apart from their own name so can’t get them to stop, get down, stay still etc. They simply don’t understand or have any impulse control so it’s very difficult at the moment. It’s like having a 12 month old that can run, jump and climb anything, very tricky!

OP posts:
MitziK · 24/03/2019 13:29

Reins are brilliant. I value a dog enough to not want it to get squished under the wheels of a Transit van, so I'd keep it on a lead. I value a child enough, too. To be more concerned about appearance or demented notions of 'a small human is not an animal' (um, actually, yes they are. We all are.) seems to me to devalue a child to lower than a Spaniel.

In any case, when said child decides they're going to pull their hand out of yours and hurl themselves backwards onto the middle of the road just as the twat in the flashy motor (who has been revving his engine at you and swearing) decides the amber light means go, I don't give a flying fuck that somebody might think that it looks a bit shit to pick them up by the back straps so you're hauling a rather loud and angry handbag over to safety.

AlpacaLypse · 24/03/2019 13:29

My twins are 20 now. Those back pack reins hadn't been invented yet, so I used clippersafe harnesses with a pair of dog leads. I did get judgypant comments a couple of times... but by that time I was used to the fact that having twins apparently entitles every random person you meet to witter on about their cousin's best friend's twins etc!

Freshprincess · 24/03/2019 13:30

I had one incident when mine bolted off in different directions which scared the life out of me. Fortunately no harm done, but they never went anywhere without reins for a long time. Mine don’t have SN but they can be very unpredictable at that age.

Ignore all the looks. It takes seconds for one of them to get away, and when you’ve got another one to watch, it can get v dangerous and out of control quickly.

Tanith · 24/03/2019 13:30

The poster people are mentioning, who lost her son, is MrsPresley

This is one of the threads she posted on:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/2239765-Road-safety-for-toddlers

katseyes7 · 24/03/2019 13:31

We used to have to use something similar with my youngest stepson, he was a demon for running off! Mr kats got one of those sets that's like a set of plastic handcuffs with a curly cord joining them. Little one grumbled a bit at first but once he was told "daddy's scared he gets lost" he was fine with them.
l don't agree with people saying you're "treating a child like a dog" - better that than them running under a car!

Bearfrills · 24/03/2019 13:34

There used to be a lady who posted on here on this subject. She had twins as well. Her DH didn't like using reins and one day, he didn't - and one of their children ran into a road, and that was that. Their child died, and their marriage ended as well.

The poster was MrsPresley.

Her husband didn't dislike the reins, he forgot to take them with him on one occasion and while he was busy seeing to their daughter, their son ran into the road and was killed. Their marriage ended and he himself died relatively young, a broken man. Heartbreaking all round and I often think of her when people say they don't like reins or reins look silly or their DC would never bolt. It only takes once for even the most sensible of small children to pull away and run. Reins save lives.

Bearfrills · 24/03/2019 13:34

Cross-posted with Tanith.

Claphands · 24/03/2019 13:35

I can’t believe people judge-I have just started using the old fashioned ones on my 15monyh old as she loves walking outside but no way am I letting her run around on her own! They are much better than keeping them in a buggy, and my friend had twins and she uses those reins you clip onto yourself-what else are you supposed to do?

Iwantedtrianglesnotsquares · 24/03/2019 13:35

We had the looks too... but at the end of the day, my childrens safety was more important than people judging. They get the independence they crave, but you still have control and can keep them safe. Even my own brother commented he wasn’t going to take my kids out on reins and they would just hold his hands... that was the only time he went out without reins when they were that age. (I was rather smug when he returned).