Toddler reins and evil looks?

[SinkGirl]

Took twins to the park this morning with DH. They both wore backpacks with reins attached. Both boys have ASD, one also has a visual impairment and other issues. They are both fascinated by moving cars and will suddenly run for the road, they have no danger awareness. They also both tried to throw themselves into the lake a few times so the reins really came in handy! I have a back problem and other issues so it means I can stop them getting hurt without too much chasing / bending.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents (and especially dog walkers actually) - is it really so awful to use them? It keeps them safe so for me it’s a no brainier but I’m surprised by how much it seems to offend people.

I look a tough parents who can use reins with envy!! I remember a spectacular tamtripum my daughter threw at the zoo hen I tried to use them. She then insisted on walking found the zoo wearing the backpack but holding the reins herself. Everyone was looking - she was taking herself for a walk while I tram after her trying to keep up.

I felt like a crap mum and cried when I got home because I thought everyone in the zoo was judging me. Now realise she looked really cute and they were probably just entertained by her antics!

Reins can literally be lifesavers - anyone who judges you is an idiot.

SinkGirl I will compare your kids to my pet! I have a 5 month puppy and have doble ended lead on a 2 point harness for eactly the same reason, he has no sense of danger and darts for the road and the lake!

The number of people who look at a small white puppy walking beautifully beside me and feel they have to make comment on the heavy looking harness and lead is amazing! I now just smile but I do wonder how they think he got that calm, that safe!

I think those backpack reigns are great, far better than the weird contraption we had as kids back in the 60s!

Look them all in the eye and say Yes dear, that's nice and walk on!

Reins are brilliant. I value a dog enough to not want it to get squished under the wheels of a Transit van, so I'd keep it on a lead

Exactly

How badly are people treating their dogs these days that borrowing one element used to care for them ( a lead) is seen as so degrading for a small child ?

Reins are so handy for more than just walking.

I've used them when my kids were small to step hook round the back of a bus seat when there wasnt room for me to sit with the kid on my lap and I had to stand next to but also try and hold on.

To hook round my leg when trying to pay for and pack my shopping.

Hell I even tied them to lamp posts while needing both hands to collapse the buggy at the bus stop .

Bus stops are on the side of the road it's not a place you want to chance the first time they need to stand still

People judge every aspect of parenting,it’s an unwelcome intrusion
I had no idea strangers would be so vocal & vociferous in their opinions
As a new parent it really astonished me,I quickly developed the neutral aye,I’m listening face when actually thinking do shutthefuckup

She then insisted on walking found the zoo wearing the backpack but holding the reins herself

DD does this, she's a stubborn little thing! I've gotten a second strap to clip onto the back of the backpack so now she holds one and I hold one

I had those for my twins but I only got people saying they looked great and they wished they had been around when they had small DC.

I once took my young DCs to London, one in pushchair and one on a wriststrap - he fought it wildly and threw himself on the floor in Euston station having a massive tantrum, attracting rather too much attention. Sometimes you have to do what you know is right to keep your DCs safe.

I dont like them. I wouldnt use them but wouldnt judge. My mum put them on my son once and overheard a woman saying “look a child on a leash”

I think far from constraining a kid's freedom they actually enable it. You are restricted to one uncomfortable position holding a parent's hand, but with reins my lo can explore and toddle in front at a safe distance. I think they're great!

It’s not obligatory to use them,if it’s not to your liking don’t use them

YADNBU, You do what you have to do to keep your children safe. They ABU to judge (and that sort of arsehole would probably also judge you for not controlling your kids if an accident were to happen because you weren’t using reins)

I don't have kids yet, but I am never judgemental of parents who use reins. I wish my SIL would use them with 2yo DN who is prone to darting. Instead, they've just don't take him out right now. The poor kid barely sees the outside of their house and the garden.

Another thing to be aware of is that snooty sorts who would judge you for using reins are also the type to judge you if your DC has an accident because "why didn't she have them on reins!?"

So ignore what people think and carry on using them.

My SIL used to make snide comments about my twins being not a dog to be lead. I said I didn’t need her permission to keep my children safe.

Then someone tried to snatch one of them in South America, they didn’t get her while I was occupied with the other one because I had the reins wrapped around my arm. SIL stopped making her fuckwit comments after that.

People who judge you can fuck off OP, they are your DC, it’s your responsibility to keep them safe and you are doing that.

they look awful

Well, fuck safety in that case! As long as one's accessory looks the part.

I hear you op. Reins are great. Especially with a child/children who are a flight risk
My sister has a severely autistic child and the looks and comments she gets is unreal
You have to learn to ignore all that

You’re doing the best for your children And that’s what is most important

Pros of using reins;

Your child won't be able to run in to the road / river / lake whilst out walking

Your child won't be snatched when you are distracted for a moment (see poster above / Jamie Bulger etc)

Cons of using reins;

Arseholes with shitty opinions that you don't need to take any notice of.

How odd, my twins are almost 12 and I remember them being on the backpack reins. They weren't too common back then but they were so necessary as each twin was a bolter in opposite directions of course. I remember being stopped so many times by people asking me where I had got them.

I remember talking to my health visitor about reins and she said, she wished more people would use them.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents

Are you sure they were actually judgemental looks though? You mention you are sensitive and I wonder if you are are seeing disapproving looks when people were just looking. Iyswim
I know some people do disapprove of reigns but to have got ‘so many horrible looks’ seems so unlikely. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Is it possible that it just became a big scowl off with you scowling as much as the other people. It’s fairly unusual to see kids on reigns so maybe people were just idly looking.

Anyway regardless of that I know people do disapprove of reigns but surely no one would if it was because of a parents mobility issue or because of a child’s SEN.

The most important thing is that your kids had a good time and got some exercise and fresh air.

It is literally no different to holding their hands. And if we could do that with dogs, I bet we would.

For smalls learning to walk, reins are better as it’s quite unnatural for people to walk with one arm held up. (We learned this from DDs physio when she was first on her feet)

Ignore the looks and the comments. They work for you and that’s all that matters. I see kids on them all the time and don’t notice a whole lot of people tutting or making comments.

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Sorry for spelling reins wrong. It was my spellchecker 😅

It must just be me who's had people compare them to dog leads favourably! The other day a bloke walking his dog noted DS (2.4) with reins and said "Brilliant aren't they!?" and older ladies say "I had those for mine!" because I use the older style ones rather than backpack.

But even if I was getting shitty looks and comments, I don't give a bugger what other people think, he's my son, he has very little road sense. I'm keeping him safe, he'll learn eventually, but not at 2 years old.

I'll never forget reading on here about a parent who lost their child to a road accident because the child pulled their hand out of the parent's. Reins would have saved that child. Better to use them and be safe than not.

Reins are necessary, I have two boys with significant additional needs. The eldest is about to turn nine, he is more compliant than his brother and used reins until he was about three.

The youngest is not compliant at all, he also absconds, will not respond to his name and has no sense of danger. We did our first trip with him without reins, pushchair or nappy today. It's been a massive stressful achievement. He was six in January.

Unfortunately I have to tell you that people will openly stare and comment on children with additional needs. With both my children it's very obvious they have additional needs and my younger son has self harming behaviour.

I take advantage of the fact my children's speech and language issues makes it unlikely they will copy me and tell these people to fuck off. Stopping in your tracks and staring back at them works as well.

As my older son has gotten older and more aware I often have a running commentary with him 'look that person thinks we can't hear his rude comments, isn't he rude, I'm glad you have better manners than that' and so on. That works as well. You develop a certain level of not giving a fuck what people think over time.

It will never cease to amaze me that when people see a small child headbutting a concrete pavement over and over again with significant force (he doesn't feel pain like most people do) while a parent physically restrains them their first instinct is to stare, point and comment about his 'bad behaviour'. Someone we saw from CAMHS asked if anyone offers to help, and no one has, not one person ever.

I'd just be like 'be careful, the little f*cker bites too and I forgot the muzzle today'.