Toddler reins and evil looks?

[SinkGirl]

Took twins to the park this morning with DH. They both wore backpacks with reins attached. Both boys have ASD, one also has a visual impairment and other issues. They are both fascinated by moving cars and will suddenly run for the road, they have no danger awareness. They also both tried to throw themselves into the lake a few times so the reins really came in handy! I have a back problem and other issues so it means I can stop them getting hurt without too much chasing / bending.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents (and especially dog walkers actually) - is it really so awful to use them? It keeps them safe so for me it’s a no brainier but I’m surprised by how much it seems to offend people.

That’s adorable Bearfrills. I’m sure you and the dog owner had a good chuckle.

piggybrownhare
I ask if they have a diagnosis of ASD

Do you mean that you ask total strangers if their child has ASD, or am I misreading that? If you do, I hope they tell you to fuck off and mind your own business. What the fuck has it got to do with you?

I use them for my 2 year old. He's great at holding hands when walking, but I'm being cautious is case he ever bolts into the road. I'm 7 months pregnant so prefer to have reins on him that having to suddenly case him with a huge bump. I've never noticed funny looks but I honestly couldn't give a shit anyway. I'd rather my child be safe then anything happen (I'm incredibly paranoid about road safety, he's still Rear facing as well). Meh.

I think it depends on how you use them. If it’s just a safety measure around your wrist in case the child suddenly bolts that’s fine. If you are walking your children like dogs instead of teaching them safety and awareness then that’s lazy.

I used them with my first child for the additional safety function. I had some family members treating them like dogs though. I remeber my FIL putting my child on the ‘rein’ andgleefilly announcing ‘go and be free’. Obviously I took my child by the hand and had him walk normally seeing as FIL was too lazy to do it.

Can't see what is so bad about reins tbh! It's a good safety feature on for boisterous little shits toddlers!

My 2 are quite close in age, and although not bad kids, they were bloody terrible for running off after one another as toddlers/pre school age kids. For about a year I used reins.

Some people are just very judgy ... Fookem!

Dilly are you in Poole by any chance? Don’t worry if it was you as you definitely weren’t the only one - although it was mainly dog walkers giving me death stares. With other parents I generally think they’re just staring thinking “eek twins” 😂

My son was a bolter so we put backpack reins on him whilst teaching him to hold our hand and to stay with us. They are a way to keep your child safe and I couldn't care less if anyone didn't like me using them.

Now he's older he's learned to hold our hands, but I still use a wrist strap if we are going somewhere busy. It takes a second to get distracted and for them to slip out of view, or bolt towards something they think is interesting.

Trust yourself, you're doing what you think is best for your child's safety. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for this.

I always think of Mrs Presley and her heartbreaking story, I've seen her post several times on these posts. My heart goes out to her.

I think it depends on how you use them. If it’s just a safety measure around your wrist in case the child suddenly bolts that’s fine. If you are walking your children like dogs instead of teaching them safety and awareness then that’s lazy

Have you actually RTFT? I’d love to know how you’d teach safety and awareness to children who don’t understands any words, and think cars are the most exciting thing in the world. Please, I’m all ears.

Nope, they definitely weren’t just looped around my wrist - many times I was actively pulling my child in one direction while he desperately tried to run in the other towards the passing traffic - the bigger the vehicle, the more exciting, which isn’t ideal frankly.

I've never used them but at the end of the day you are using them to keep your kids safe, so sod anyone else!

I used to mind my nephew when he was small. He was a bolter, so reins were a Godsend. If I hadn't used them, he'd probably have been under a bus a long time ago.

Keeps a child safe. End of. No concern of others. The child's safety is what matters

My DS would suddenly wrench his hand free out of mine when he was a toddler and was fascinated by passing lorries, waggons, bin vans etc. I couldn’t rely on him not to do it. Reins were the only way I could walk with him until he was a bit more compliant. To be quite frank I’d rather ‘keep my child on a leash’ than have a dead or badly injured one.

Ds is 9 and is still only just getting the hang of road safety. On a good day he can now be left to walk alongside an adult but on a bad day he needs holding by the wrist or both wrists (he won’t tolerate reigns anymore sadly) last year on the walk into school he broke away and into the road. Thankfully the oncoming car was driving sensibly for outside a school and managed to miss us both!

When out he has to use a wheelchair and a big reason for that is to keep him safe

Everybody used reins years ago, nobody ever said anything about them. That's the trouble nowadays, everyone has an opinion and is prepared to tell you. Why can't people just mind their own business.

It's really strange. At least the child is getting to stretch their legs and have exercise while being kept safe. Presumably these people don't give people with kids strapped into pushchairs dirty looks and they'd have less freedom

Everybody used reins years ago, nobody ever said anything about them. That's the trouble nowadays, everyone has an opinion and is prepared to tell you. Why can't people just mind their own business

All of this post somefolk think they have some sort of high ground about every thing

Why can’t people accept there is a contrary POV,you’re not compelled to enact it
This “ach the old days” it falsely mythologises the past as halcyon days
Old days folk had opinions and they expressed it,work,socially,over the fence
Only difference these days is there is different media and opinions can get picked up and go viral

Nicknamed our DS Usain Bolter. (Often wondered if Usain Bolt would consider becoming a nanny)

We used reins on our eldest two (ASD). The youngest didn’t need them. We never got dirty looks, but maybe we were just too busy saying ‘don’t lick the headlights’ etc to notice them. I did once get loudly praised by an older lady in a shop ‘Quite right. No one seems to use reins these days, good for you’.

When DS started nursery we gave them a set of reins to use when they went out a walk. They politely declined and said they found that when out as a group, children stayed in line. We explained he wouldn’t do this and that if they tried without reins then he’d definitely need a 1:1, which they agreed to. After the first outing they asked if we could please pop the reins in his bag so they could use them next time.

I don’t really understand why people don’t like reins. It’s not like anyone is harnessing their kids up to a gig. (Might be fun to try though ;) )

I love our reins I have two different types Amy son's young and like walking but I don't trust him bit to run off he's a toddler. You do what's right for you your keeping your children safe and been a brilliant parent

Another fan of reins here! My DC are only a year apart, so they allowed the older one a bit of freedom while I had baby DC in a sling...meant I didn't have to bend to hold his hand. He also had a tendency to bolt, which frightened me. As they both got old enough to walk, they hated the pushchair, so this allowed them both to walk and get some exercise while staying safe. I only had one comment, and it was positive...older lady in the park said it was nice to see them able to walk and run a bit rather than ride along in the pushchair.

Mate. I feel your pain. One of my twins was a bolter and from the time they could walk until they were nearly 3 I never let them out the buggy unless we were with DH or in a children's centre or somewhere else that had a locking gate between us and the road. Couldn't even go to likes of Rhyme Time at the library because it was an open plan one with no obstacles between the children's library and the main road. DD would just, when she got bored, would stand up and walk straight to the exit no messing about. I tried reinstalling but they were like a pair of bloody Yorkies, getting caught up in each other's lines, but fair play to you if you're managing to get it to work. Honestly it would be entirely clear to anyone who gave it five seconds' thought why you might need reins for twins but five seconds is too long for some people to wait before they start judging.

Toomuch that’s exactly it - these days I can’t take them anywhere on my except for children’s centres! Can’t even take them to soft play as they fall off stuff, try to climb the slide while big kids are zooming down, one is trying to eat the foam blocks and ball pit balls then climbs up and can’t get down and cries... argh. I’m hoping it will get easier 😳

I love reins! We used them in Disneyland last year on our 3 year old twins, we got quite a few looks, but it seemed more people thought they were a great idea that they could wander along without going too far. Ignore the weird looks!!

It will get easier eventually. Eventually. In the meantime, I don't know if this helps but my boss said a great thing once, he said his job was to be an umbrella to protect us from the torrent of bullshit that rained down from senior management. I thought a lot about that when I used to get people judging me or my kids for being loud or unruly or whatever else - it's just harder with twins, there's times you can't control and manage them to the point that parents of singletons can, and that's no reflection on you or your kids, but the bullshit judgement will rain down and you need to just be an umbrella for your kids. Grit your teeth and ignore it, don't let it influence you in the slightest.

Sorry that was really grim!

We got some but gave up using them as I just felt I was still running all around but just attached to her.