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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler reins and evil looks?

285 replies

SinkGirl · 24/03/2019 12:51

Took twins to the park this morning with DH. They both wore backpacks with reins attached. Both boys have ASD, one also has a visual impairment and other issues. They are both fascinated by moving cars and will suddenly run for the road, they have no danger awareness. They also both tried to throw themselves into the lake a few times so the reins really came in handy! I have a back problem and other issues so it means I can stop them getting hurt without too much chasing / bending.

I had so many horrible looks from other parents (and especially dog walkers actually) - is it really so awful to use them? It keeps them safe so for me it’s a no brainier but I’m surprised by how much it seems to offend people.

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 24/03/2019 21:15

Reins are brilliant and also leave the little ones hands free. I also have back problems and have difficulty bending. I insisted on using them when I was out with our granddaughter. We have walked for miles along the path by the river over the years and being on reins actually gave her independence.

excavatooorr · 24/03/2019 21:17

Definitely by roads at all times, he's just two and completely feral sometimes. I don't think I'll trust him for a long time near the roads. I also strap him in the supermarket trolley because so many don't seem to have straps on the seats!

He discovered that he could stand up in the trolley seat and dance, I was less than a metre away in the time it took him to do it. First and last time. Shock

Another mum looked at me like I was psychotic when I was strapping him to the trolley itself recently.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 24/03/2019 21:20

Better reins than prams until they're 6, or running into oncoming traffic. Sod other people and their backseat parenting. You wouldn't believe the strange behaviour and attitudes I sometimes encountered when 'babywearing' DC in his wrap-carrier. People looking askance can be easily ignored, and some people were genuinely curious and asked me questions about how to tie the wrap, etc. Some were downright rude and intrusive. My stock response: 'Thanks for the tip. Do you usually offer unsolicited advice to complete strangers?'

Sometimes I think Sartre may have had it right. Hell is other people!

TapasForTwo · 24/03/2019 21:21

Anyone who thinks reins are a bad idea is either extremely vertically challenged, has exceedingly docile children or is monumentally stupid Hmm

"if the child doesn't have SN, what age would you stop using them?"

There isn't a right age, just a right time, which is when they stop running off, and will hold your hand when crossing roads etc.

ememem84 · 24/03/2019 21:25

We have a backpack with reins for ds. It means he can walk freely (ish) as he wants and I have an added level of security. I loop the “lead” over my wrist and also hold his hand. He has started to go “ooow oooow” which is his dog noise though....

But for walking near roads etc absolute life saver. Also he seems to enjoy carrying the bag and putting something in it every time we go out.

MulticolourMophead · 24/03/2019 21:29

I suspect most people who get judgy about reins have got children who hold hands without protest and behave nicely around danger.

I would agree with this. Holding the hand of a child determined to bolt is not easy at all, sometimes you have to hold with real strength to the point that I've worried in the past about hurting the chil. Reins help here. The child doesn't have to hold hands, and you have the reins in your hand for their safety.

Total no brainer to me.

dementedma · 24/03/2019 21:34

I used reins with all my dcs, now adults. I thought everyone did until i got very funny looks on holiday in France

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 24/03/2019 21:38

No DC here but I think reins are an excellent safety measure. Would definitely use them. If anyone judges you for them, that's their problem.

Impatientwino · 24/03/2019 21:48

'You go ahead and use whatever works for you, and other people can piss right off. You're doing a great job'

This!

TakeMe2Insanity · 24/03/2019 21:50

No judgment here as we use them on ds who is 3. Last year we were in a european city getting evil looks from one particular family until their docile child decided to run infront of a tram. Child was ok. They then got a sympathetic look from us. Ds still runs off and thinks it is hilarious, which does not bode well. I hope we can get rid of the reins sooner rather than later but he needs to get some road sense, listen to us when we say stop and hold hands more regularly.

Raspberry88 · 24/03/2019 22:09

he'd lift his feet off the ground and pretend he was superman 😂 Faces I'd get carrying him like superman on his reins.

😂 DS has just realised similar...he sort of leans forward when we're using them and lifts his legs so he's floating along. I've never had a funny look when using the reins normally but when he does that it does look a bit...odd...and we've had a few side eye glances!

MsMustDoBetter · 24/03/2019 22:11

Do what you need to do, you know what's best for your DC and everyone else can fuck off.

JoeElliotsMullet · 24/03/2019 22:12

Reins save lives. I’ve never had a dirty look or negative comment but if I did, that’s what I would reply with. Do what you need to do to keep your dc safe.

Tobebythesea · 24/03/2019 22:26

I use a backpack rein for my DD and I’ve received a few raised eyebrows but it’s mostly been positive comments like they wish they’d had them when their kids were little.

I have a bolter and it’s hit and miss if she holds my hands consistently. I’m a twin and our mum used them on us. They save lives. End of.

TapasForTwo · 24/03/2019 22:30

Reins have been around for ever. My parents used them with me and my younger sister (I am 60).

SmarmyMrMime · 24/03/2019 22:33

I used reins with mine. DS1 was more sensible than DS2. I had SPD in pregnancy/ postnatal and it made it too painful to push the buggy, so DS1 (2) had to walk. There was a point where I had to use crutches and I stopped then because holding reins while swinging crutches was yanking him all over, but he had fortunately developed a modicum of sense by then. We also weren't doing that much walking.

DS2 was a bolter. At 18m, we went to Turkey, and in the hotel, a local man looked rather purplexed at the sight of DS2 trying to dangle like a puppet. We laughed, pointed at DS2 and said "Usain Bolt" and the man then smiled and laughed with understanding.

I used them to anchor the DCs to shopping trollies to stop them diving out to the concrete floors head first, same for their high chair, and also as a more flexible floating harness in the pram/ buggy.

DS1 consented to wear the rucksack with strap in London when he was 6. It is so much busier than places he is used to, and we didn't want to risk him being swept along in a crowd by accident. One month later when the Westminster Bridge attack occured where we'd spent a substantial time hanging around, I felt no regrets about using the strap. When soon after, London Bridge was attacked where we stayed in the hotel, and ate out at the market, I again felt no regrets that I had done what I could to keep my 6 & 3 year olds close in busy, unfamiliar places even if it may have looked odd.

Bearfrills · 24/03/2019 23:26

Out of sheer curiosity - if the child doesn't have SN, what age would you stop using them?

Once they're old enough to know the rules of walk sensibly next to me, don't run off, and don't muck about next to the road. It varies from child to child and I still kept the reins in my bag even after I wasn't using them all of the time as a deterrent and a consequence. Even now I will tell my 5yo that if he doesn't walk nicely next to me I will get the reins out for him, DD has a spare set that I carry just in case.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 24/03/2019 23:28

My twins were coming up to four before I let them off the reins. Combination of them both being bad runners and also it being almost impossible to manage two at a time!

DS 3 was much more biddable however, he was much younger although older than two. We live right by a very busy road and I didn’t ever want to risk it. They’re 10 and 7 now and I swear DH would still use reins on them if he could!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 24/03/2019 23:29

Oh, and I literally only charity shopped them about two weeks ago!

Didyeeaye · 24/03/2019 23:33

Those little bags are great! My DS is a ball of energy who refused to hold my hand so was constantly wearing one when we were out and about. It's far safer than letting them run riot, get lost or injure themselves. I still give parents a knowing smile when I see toddlers fighting against one. Don't let any judgemental people deter you from doing what's best for your kids

goose1964 · 24/03/2019 23:38

When going out for a walk my grandson will ask for bapack rather than go into his pushchair. At 2 he walks very well and is only in his pushchair if he's tired. I've only ever had positive comments about it, especially as he loves to pull me around.

BeenThereDone · 25/03/2019 00:39

I used them after My eldest ds was just coming up to two and bolted in car park. I gave chase whilst 8months pregnant and fell and broke my ankle... He nearly got hit. And I was on crutches for a few weeks.... That was not fun...

Use them and be safe, the alternative doesn't bear thinking about

HazelBite · 25/03/2019 00:49

They are essential for twins, mine would go off in different directions!
We used them on DS2 whilst on holiday in Venice, I had no intention of jumping in a Canal after an errant 2 year old, Oh but the looks and comments we got, roughly translated to "look a child on a lead!"

CheshireChat · 25/03/2019 02:44

We only used them for a little bit as we simply didn't need them, but they were excellent at saving my poor, sciatica ridden back- even though I'm only 5ft1, it's not exactly comfortable to hold a toddler's hand at the right angle and you have to stoop down, reins help.

6ft4 DP used them for longer exactly because of this and we had to use them for a couple of weeks when DS was about 3yo as he was being a dick.

Better than the parents who let their tiny toddler cross the road about 6ft behind them (they'd basically finished crossing) and she fell in front of car, it was my kid who picked her up and the parents didn't even realise it happened Angry

Hyrana · 25/03/2019 08:00

I have not read everything but OP, you are absolutely correct to keep your children safe. My DD was very placid but her brother (born a year later) was a bolter. I could not be in two places at once so I got reins for him and a wrist strap for her. Everyone was happy and most importantly safe.

I gave no fucks what "people" thought or said, I knew that I was in control of my two toddlers and they actually enjoyed being able to wander a bit because they were not holding my hand.
Stay strong OP, you are doing the best thing Flowers