To ask how many genuine sociopaths/psychopaths you've actually met?

[WillGymForPizza]

I strongly suspect that I'm working with someone who is possibly a sociopath. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist so can't properly diagnose, but Ive met some dodgy and unlikable people in my time and this person takes it to a whole level. I genuinely believe her to be evil. She doesn't appear to have a moral compass and seems to take great pleasure in publicly humiliating her staff. They are all utterly terrified of her.

Most disturbingly of all I work in a Primary School and this person is this person is the headteacher....

How common is this kind of thing? Ive never come across anyone like this before.

Bloody hell @Februaryblooms thank god you're rid of him!

My father was a sociopath. If your colleague was one you wouldn't know it. Most of the suspected sociopaths described on this thread aren't. I don't know what they are but if you describe them as anything negative they aren't sociopathic. Sociopaths are much cleverer and deceptive than that. You'd be defending their good character to everyone you could if they were true sociopaths. Unless you can get really crap sociopaths. Which you can't. Narcs are much easier to spot.

The most dangerous one i know is in jail and will hopefully never come out. Ever.

At least a couple.

None. Not a one.

And I'm amazed that so many other people have. I've also never met anyone with NPD. Or certainly never met anyone who's behaved in such a way as would lead me to think they did.

OP - why don't people who've left the school report this woman (to the likes of OFSTED), if she's so bad? She no longer has a hold on such people, surely.

And why do parents keep sending their kids there if it's such an unhappy environment?

My exH. At his funeral even his parents said, at least he can't hurt anyone anymore.
He was charming and destroyed lives.
Honestly, I wasn't sad when he died.

Narcs are more common. Sociopaths are very cunning. Charming. Smart and master manipulators.

Some cross over. There's a spectrum of all personality types.

The common denominator is lack of empathy. That scares the shit out of me.

Another difference in my experience, is narcs won't apologise. Sociopaths will. For the long game. And they do play the long game.

Both my parents have NPD.

My ex was more a sociopath.

Have no time for arseholes any more. Raising my kids to spot the cunts, red flags etc.

I’ve said on a thread before, I’ve been in anger management and therapy from a young age. In my 20s I was eventually told I have “sociopathic tendencies”. I’m not dangerous. Have I hurt people? Yes, hence the anger management. It’s not an evil thing. From my perspective it’s more a lack of understanding. I don’t understand why people get so upset over death. I can’t really relate to threads on here about hurt over cheating. I just leave if I’m unhappy. Even when I was sexually assaulted I posted here and admitted I was dressed and armed. He left terrified. It seems for me anyway, to be genetic. My cousin was a diagnosed psychopath ( stabbed many people, one 28 times in the chest, and was jailed ) and my twin has been told in therapy he’s a megalomaniac psychopath. He’s never really hurt anyone and is highly successful. Despite not having the basic qualifications of his field. It isn’t black and white. I love my dd. Did I love her while she was small and needy? No. It grated on me a bit if I’m honest. I found a baby boring and draining. We are very close and I get an uncomfortable feeling thinking about not having her. She is showing similar traits to me. Nursery had her assessed for autism. She isn’t autistic, she just dislikes having to tolerate people. She’s 9 now and still says the same. I may name change now as I know we are persecuted despite having a legitimate place in society

Februaryblooms That must have been terrifying. Thank goodness you are no longer together.

I’ve worked for 2 headteachers like the OP has described. One ruled by absolute fear and the other a combination of fear and manipulation.
I’ve taught a few children that have worried me. One in particular stands out. He was 7 when I taught him and I always said I’d read about him in the papers. He tortured and murdered a pensioner.

Can't say for sure but one person I used to know ticked a lot of the boxes.
Massive inflated sense of self, constant overestimation of their abilities and a chronic need to be in charge and in full control of whatever was going on. Exhausting to be around.
The final piece I think is the reaction to someone who'd seen past their "nice guy" facade. Social exclusion of said person and nasty comments made behind their back. All done with faux "concern" of course.
Oh and then there was the time they goaded and goaded someone into doing something that ended up upsetting some people, whilst managing to get themselves out of the way at the crucial moment so they looked innocent.
Thankfully have moved elsewhere as significant numbers of people were seeing them for what they were. Of course, they left with nose in the air as the injured party because they couldn't have everything their own way and, according to them, everyone else was being unreasonable.
As I said, I can't be sure but they ticked a heck of a lot of the boxes.

I know one who's a vicar too, @BetsyBigNose! I wonder if it's the same one? He also happens to be related to me and I hate his stinking guts for what he's done to my family

My FIL 100%

He even had to go to anger management where he was convinced he was helping the others at the group. Apparently his psychiatrist told him he would be great friends with some like him and told him he could come and see him anytime - I’m sure he did.

He 100% reads the room and other people’s reactions before talking or following peoples cues before reacting to situations. I see him do this.

He has a quiet rage bubbling in him but likes to pretend he is responsible man.

Eg.. telling me shouldn’t get wound up over little things (even if im absolutely not wound up) but the dragging his ex girl friend (in there 60s) out of his house by her hair

Drowning a cat.
Cutting his puppy jack Russell tail OFF and keeping it to show the the poor dog it if it had been naughty. Apparently the dog used to cower and hide

I can’t believe no one in his family dont think he is evil.

He can be incredibley charming and generous.

He really doesn’t like me because I see him. But that pleases me because he rarely visits us now.

And YES to the faux concern and nasty comments

To clarify, ASPD is NOT the same thing as psychopathy or sociopathy. It may be the closest thing we have in the DSM to it but it's not the same thing.

I've known several headteachers who fit this - is it a profession they're drawn to? I guess it's the ability to exercise a lot of power on a constant basis.

We had one at work. Incredibly charismatic manipulative senior manager. Had her superiors fooled but my friend and I could see her from the start. She disliked us both but left us alone as we got on with our jobs and made her look good. In the end she did one too many heinous things, we blew the whistle and she got the push. Watching the scales fall from peoples eyes was fascinating.

I'm not sure what my mother has, but she is pure evil. She won't go to a doctor ever, so I'll die not knowing what the fuck is wrong with her. Notable things would be cruelty to animals including torture/drowning puppies and kittens/beating/kicking cats or dogs; cruelty to children - beatings that you'd read about in horrific news reports reported on when a child has died; pleasure watching someone suffer - she can barely contain her glee; manipulative lying cunt; a persona of someone innocent and vulnerable; hates everyone; cannot stand to see someone do well; never has a good word to say about anyone; callous, calculating, cold.

I have a diagnosis of EUPD (aka Borderline PD). I'm not a danger to anyone else, but I'm an absolute menace to myself *sigh.

I often wondered whether I had psychopathic tendencies, but the diagnosis the various experts (psychiatrists) have come up with is EUPD so I suppose it's possibly the lesser of two evils.

I'm shocked that there are at least two other headteachers like this out there. How disturbing that people like that would be drawn to working with children, as it is I don't think our head even likes children that much. She doesn't display any warmth towards them at all.

Yes she used to be an adult support worker for MENCAP charity and a Stop Hate crime project - incredible. Absolute bully, flying off the handle rages when challenged , goady behaviour, truly nasty piece of work when mask slipped. Dread to think what she was like towards vulnerable service users

That sounds very much like my old boss RighteousSista. She is not in charge of a local charity now is she by any chance? I think I said he is my first post on this thread but I meant she

’ve said on a thread before, I’ve been in anger management and therapy from a young age. In my 20s I was eventually told I have “sociopathic tendencies”. I’m not dangerous. Have I hurt people? Yes, hence the anger management. It’s not an evil thing. From my perspective it’s more a lack of understanding. I don’t understand why people get so upset over death. I can’t really relate to threads on here about hurt over cheating. I just leave if I’m unhappy. Even when I was sexually assaulted I posted here and admitted I was dressed and armed. He left terrified. It seems for me anyway, to be genetic. My cousin was a diagnosed psychopath ( stabbed many people, one 28 times in the chest, and was jailed ) and my twin has been told in therapy he’s a megalomaniac psychopath. He’s never really hurt anyone and is highly successful. Despite not having the basic qualifications of his field. It isn’t black and white. I love my dd. Did I love her while she was small and needy? No. It grated on me a bit if I’m honest. I found a baby boring and draining. We are very close and I get an uncomfortable feeling thinking about not having her. She is showing similar traits to me. Nursery had her assessed for autism. She isn’t autistic, she just dislikes having to tolerate people. She’s 9 now and still says the same. I may name change now as I know we are persecuted despite having a legitimate place in society

It was brave of you to post this and very self aware. I struggle to understand anyone who lacks empathy to the extent you do and I am worried for your daughter

I think my abusive F may have been one. He abused my DSis and me in every way (including SA) and he was emotionally abusive towards my DM, and financially abusive to us all too. He used to accuse her of being unfaithful to him, he even told me he thought that once.

It's impossible for me to know, as he's been dead for 21 years now. I think he definitely had NPD. But at times he really did appear to care about us, so it may be going too far to claim that he was a psychopath/sociopath. The problem is that he was an extreme case of Jekyll and Hyde.

He could be very loving and playful, but he was so controlling. He didn't care what anyone else wanted, including my DM. As an example, he got himself a dog, despite the fact that she had made it clear that she didn't want one. (Naturally, she ended up doing most of the work in looking after the said dog.). He insisted on our family moving to Saudi Arabia, despite my DM not wanting to go. (She was a young Mum with 3 small DC so it was very difficult for her.). Thankfully we were only there for a year.

My DM had no idea what he was up to, so he was very good at pulling the wool over her eyes.

There's no specific diagnosis of psychopathy, it's called anti social personality disorder. They're not as rare as people think, they're just not all Ted Bundy.

They're not psychotic either as psychosis is a mental health disorder. Psychopaths are not considered mentally ill, they're totally sane. It was thought one in a hundred but it's now thought to be more like two in a hundred.

fMRI scans were done on diagnosed psychopaths, those who had scored 20+ on the Hare test. They were shown disturbing images while in the fMRI against a control group of non psychopaths. The psychopaths had no brain activity going on in the limbic system or large parts of the pre frontal cortex, both areas associated with emotional processing. They simply lack grey matter in those areas.

I know two, and have nothing to do with either of them.

I know a head teacher that is 'one of them' (some sort of cluster b) too xD These sorts often end up in positions of authority like that but to be fair, you find them everywhere :/

If you think you haven't met a narcissist...you have, you just haven't noticed xD Maybe you've been lucky and never been 'targeted' by one. But you've met them. It's just we don't naturally think (and wouldn't even want to think) that the people around us, perhaps even close to us, could lack basic human compassion. But a lot do.