To ask how many genuine sociopaths/psychopaths you've actually met?

[WillGymForPizza]

I strongly suspect that I'm working with someone who is possibly a sociopath. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist so can't properly diagnose, but Ive met some dodgy and unlikable people in my time and this person takes it to a whole level. I genuinely believe her to be evil. She doesn't appear to have a moral compass and seems to take great pleasure in publicly humiliating her staff. They are all utterly terrified of her.

Most disturbingly of all I work in a Primary School and this person is this person is the headteacher....

How common is this kind of thing? Ive never come across anyone like this before.

1. Nursery school boss - possible psychopath (it doesn't mean serial killer, it usually means no moral compass, no empathy (but v. self-pitying), manipulative and, er plain nasty though looks nice on the surface). Looking for pity is a BIG clue.

1. Someone I dated - a narcissist. Ticked every box. Creepy. Found him interesting in a scary sort of way but felt bloody relieved to get away too.

1. A Borderline friend. Just did my head in. Could be fun. But also v manipulative and clingy and jealous. Eventually not nice. Untrustworthy, as so volatile.

I work with one and trust my instincts.

zingally No, not the same woman but there must be several in various forces. This woman was very right-wing (gave the bullied colleague a biography of Thatcher to read as she was her idol), homophobic (told her son that gays offended God) but knew to toe the diversity line, and fundamental Christian leaning.

She went to the US as she admired their policing(!). She wasn't allowed to take the job she was offered through her FBI contacts but bought a lawn care company to get in. She looked down on her husband as he was happy to stay a beat cop to help people instead of climbing the corporate ladder. When her husband got terminal cancer, he came back to Scotland to die and she stayed in the US; a former colleague of hers took him into her house until his death as he had nowhere to go and his wife had abandoned him in order to follow her career.

The chaplain first got a shock and suspicions about her when visiting her in hospital after a full term stillbirth. She never showed any emotion, ever, just calculation.

Yes my fil.
Unfortunately am starting to see traits in my dh in the last year that are more obvious but looking back they have probably always been there but I was blinkered to it.

My fil is a toxic controlling manipulative cold horrid excuse for a man.
Has convinced himself over the years that he didn't beat mil or children or take things away from his wife if she didn't do what he wanted and treated her like a naughty child.
I don't see him often now as I'm pretty sure he knows I have the measure of him due to words between us a few years ago.

He makes my hairs stand up just looking at him.

No empathy and would have sold his own mother if need be.

Poor mil has endured a miserable life being controlled with money,hobbies (not allowed any)etc etc.

There's narc behaviour which he def has and so has my dh I'm noticing more of but with fil it's a deep deep sense of himself that puts me on edge.

Nasty nasty man.

My ex definately. If i was with him now he'd be done under the coersive control/ abuse guidelines. Sadly it wasn't a thing 20 years ago..

Yes. A senior manager in a government role. She would systematically target her 'enemies', after they'd slighted her in some way. My error was not copying her into a mundane email. She destroyed well, well over 100 careers and left a trail of broken and in some cases permanently unemployable people behind her. She was bloody ruthless, totally irrational in conversation which makes defending oneself impossible. She set up situations in which her victims were totally unable to win and found fault with every action. Terrible days. I was a capable and strong manager and protected my wonderful team for several years until I broke. Now I'm relief staff at the lowest grade and unable to tolerate stress at all. Shes finally been sidelined into a minor role, on the same high pay as before. I should have left right at the start, but I was naive to what was happening until I was beaten down.

@malificent7 I hear you. It wasn't recognised in 2014 either. Still bullied now 😢

Oh, yes, I worked with one for years and it nearly killed me. My boss was out of his mind. He would suddenly fly off the handle and go on rampages. He cussed me out in front of my two young sons, nearly started a fist fight in the office, and yelled at me whenever he was in a bad mood, which got to be every day. Once I took a half a sick day for the first time in the eight years I’d been there to date, and he yelled at me. I couldn’t hold on to an assistant; they were terrified of him and quit. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. He was God’s gift, for Christ’s sake. He blamed me, figuring I was doing something wrong. Because sociopaths and psychopaths are NEVER wrong.

I became so depressed. I’d always been the epitome of health. Suddenly I was getting stomach ailments, pneumonia, and having heart palpitations at random. At one point I was sick for nearly four months straight, but I didn’t dare take any sick days. I had three separate resting ECGs for the heart palpitations, but the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong.

I couldn’t focus on my job, since I was so stressed just being there. So of course that led to mistakes and more yelling and more stress and the cycle continued.

After he nearly started the fight, I knew my days were numbered. I found another job months later and quit.

Oh my God. What a difference. I work with sane people now. I love my job, I love life again, and I’m healthy. After I took this job, I saw a former co-worker who knew me at Psycho’s company and she said, “I’ve never seen you smile until now.”

I feel sorry for anyone dealing with a sociopathic / psychopathic family member, friend, or neighbor. I was lucky. My psychopath was in an office. You can quit a job.

I know a sociopath... My dh's previous boss at a very well known corporation...
He drove a retired female senior police woman to go on sick leave. then started on my Dh ( also a senior ranked retired police officer) he has now started on 2 other former officers (all working/worked in the same corporation) He has had complaints made against him that are ongoing about bullying, sexism, coercion.. Its been absolutely dreadful. My dh did 30 years in a stress filled role in the police ( including 5 years in an armed unit) and this man made my dh cry when he tried to set him up.
He lasted 18 months in his job, at a very well know institution... Ive never seen my Dh look so ill working for this organisation.... the man is now targeting other former coppers and making their life hell.
thankfully my dh has moved on to a much better, happier workplace.

Not sure I've met any psychopaths, but definitely realise I've met a narcissist at the school gates for years, in a small community. She might have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or possibly be a sociopath.

After suicidal thoughts and anxiety, I succumbed to having counselling recently because of her. It drew my attention to what constitutes toxic people, personality disorders etc. I'm not a psychiatrist.

So, to @ethelfleda and @Roscommonet and @itsbritneybiatches, if you want to know 'how to spot psychopaths' this 12 minute youtube video is worth watching.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula Narcissist, Psychopath, or Sociopath: How to Spot the Difference

And this 22 minute clip for closer analysis, How to Tell the Difference Between a Psychopath and a Narcissist Dr. Todd Grande

Protect yourselves. Be informed.

Would say with some certainty that I have met one sociopath and one narcissist.

The sociopath was a boy at my secondary school. He continuously sexually assaulted other pupils who were all too afraid to tell. His speciality was getting younger girls to engage in sexual activity with him in bushes by scjool and he would then degrade/humiliate them publicly and invite others to watch - I.e. one Y9 girl was on hands and knees about to perform oral sex and he pissed on her and held her down while he did it, laughing throughout. He would get girls to agree to sex and would put foreign objects into them instead of himself - chocolate bars, twigs, rulers etc. He's in prison now. He used to completely terrify me as a kid.

Second one is a narcissist of the highest order. Founder and director of a very naice reading charity up north - complete and utterly dangerous egotism with no self insight and complete delusion. Would hire young graduates, get them to spill their guts about the worst things that had happened to them under the guise of CPD, then would find a way to exploit these weaknesses and use them as disciplinary matters without actually progressing to formal disciplinary I.e.
Colleague A and Founder F
A struggles to manage some of her work in a forensic psych unit because of historic personal sexual abuse
F pulls her up for not being resilient enough
A explains background
F gathers info
A expects work to be reallocated
F does not reallocate work
A goes off with work related stress
F pulls her in for a 'well-being meeting' and picks apart inconsequential and minor errors in As work and wonders aloud if these mistakes are due to A not being committed to her job role because of previous trauma
F then convinces A to continue doing the forensic work because she would hate for her to have to have a disciplinary and disclose her abusive childhood.

This woman has written for the guardian and is widely respected in her field and considers herself an excellent people person. Narcissistic only because she can feel empathy in a detached way only.

I have been at the receiving end of a headteacher whom I am convinced is a sociopath. It was the coldness of his lies that convinced me - utterly chilling. I've read that psychopaths can be viewed as 'intra'-species predators and that's why we find them to be so terrifying. I would guess this is why vampire and zombie stories are so durable - they come in human form but are fixed on destroying us and can never be reasoned with.
The reason I am posting about this now is that I met another person this morning who had an incredibly similar story about another headteacher. My guess is that the system is set up in such a way that many genuine caring individuals would not have what it takes to reach the position of HT. It is the truly ruthless ones who are most likely to succeed. The same will be true of business. I have come to believe that often it is not talent that will propel many forward. Frequently it will be a ruthless desire to succeed and gain control.

I’ve known two sociopaths (I find them easy to spot after growing up with one). I don’t think I’ve met any psychopaths but from what I understand they are very difficult to spot in a casual interaction. I’ve met more people with sociopathic/psychopathic traits. They seem to be particular common in people who have suffered abuse from people with antisocial personality disorders.

I think I've known one - an ex friend whose behaviour I found chilling. A friend of mine married an absolute monster of a man, but I think he was narcissistic and nasty, not psychopathic.

My dad has NPD, I am convinced. He is a horrible man, grandiose and belittling and more self obsessed than anyone I've ever met (and I worked for years in the entertainment industry where large egos were rife.) But he definitely isn't evil in the way psychopaths are. He bullies people relentlessly but he doesn't get that pleasure from it that psychopaths get. He just seems to have a bottomless pit of maniacal neediness and has to get his fix of attention 24/7 with a raging fury and year-long sulks if people don't dance attendance around him. I think real psychopathy/sociopathy is pretty rare.