To ask how many genuine sociopaths/psychopaths you've actually met?

[WillGymForPizza]

I strongly suspect that I'm working with someone who is possibly a sociopath. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist so can't properly diagnose, but Ive met some dodgy and unlikable people in my time and this person takes it to a whole level. I genuinely believe her to be evil. She doesn't appear to have a moral compass and seems to take great pleasure in publicly humiliating her staff. They are all utterly terrified of her.

Most disturbingly of all I work in a Primary School and this person is this person is the headteacher....

How common is this kind of thing? Ive never come across anyone like this before.

The husband of my former BFF and my former BFF both have some personality disorders.

He is extremely charming- everyone 'loves' him, people like to be around him. Once you see behind the veil though, he is co trolling and violent, unpredictable and incredibly selfish.

She like to have affairs with married men and cultivate strong 'friendships' with their wives. I knew she had done this but because we had been friends since childhood though I was safe- not so, she had an affair with my husband.

Her husband knew and used it to his advantage, when he thought I was close to ripping away the veil for the world to see him he blew the whistle.

He picked the day of the 'reveal' 8 years post affair, the day I was attending a funeral and in the midst waiting to see if my 10 year old daughter had cancer.

They are both evil.

There is literally one piece of advice professional will ever give you about them.

Get the hell away from them. Nothing good will ever come of being around them if you can at all help it.

@Februaryblooms

That sounds terrifying!

Met one. Don’t know what diagnosis she would have, if any, maybe she just has certain traits.

Superficially very charming, outgoing, extrovert, attention seeking, fun. Has a gaggle of adoring minions who think she is wonderful, but I have seen the mask slip many times. Very manipulative, outrageous liar, makes terrible things up about people who see through her and what’s worse is usually believed due to her charm and excellent lying skills. Cannot handle being challenged and acts like a total toddler if you stand up to her. Literally will scream and shout and break things (few people have seen this). If you cross her she will do her best to make your life hell. Scary person.

DP in a work capacity worked with a diagnosed psychopath. He was charming and the staff liked him, although logically they knew they were being manipulated.
I worked with a boss who may or may not have been a psychopath. But he did not seem to see people as real, but more as objects. Hard to explain, but he genuinely did not seem to understand why people did certain things.

My sister's ex. Mr funny/happy/jolly clown that makes everyone laugh. Except he beat the living shit out of her for years. One day she turned up at my mum's with him and her nose was spread across her face. The explanation was that they'd gone to a club the night before and for no apparent reason the bouncer just head butted her. Meanwhile, he's sitting there with total ease regaling this story. Of course later, we found out it was him. Cheated on her constantly. During a c section with their second child the surgeon fucked up and cut an artery.

In recovery she crashed, all of her blood had pooled in her abdomen, rushed in for life saving surgery and was clinically dead for eleven seconds. During this whole "omfg get her back to theatre NOW" he sat and calmly continued eating a sandwich.

Then one day I looked at him and realised (as cliched as this sounds) that his eyes were completely dead. There was nothing behind them. And it clicked, all of it.

After another severe beating I phoned him and the mask slipped. I told him I knew what he was and he went ballistic. Screaming down the phone so loudly that I could hold the phone at arm's length and everyone in the room could clearly hear him. It was threats etc...I a, in no doubt that if it hadn't been a phone call and he'd been in the room I'd have taken a beating himself. It's very hard to get people to believe me because he's SO likeable!

She's now got severe PTSD and can't have full custody of the kids. Sadly they live full time with him.

Also, he didn't bother to tell any of us what had happened during the c section so when we went to visit the next day we found out she was in ICU and not on the normal ward. That's literally how we found out what had happened. It was a total non event to him.

@FreddyFasbear

How do you cope with everyday situations? Do you hide it quite well? I absolutely believe I might be one.

As long as you're not hurting people, what is it? Like you don't understand emotion? You don't understand why a person is hurt or upset by something?

Shallow affect? Affect just means emotion in psychology.

Or do you feel like you've got the whole whammy of symptoms? Grandiose sense of self/parasitic lifestyle/complete disregard for others/no sense of fear or danger etc...?

Quite a few different things really. Don't want to go into too much as I know the sort of kicking I'll get and I can't be assed with that or having people "fearing" for my children.
I think if one can manage it and hide it well, shouldn't be too much of a problem?

I'm pretty sure I've taught two. Both girls. I also believe that they are going to have successful careers as adults.

Yeah I understand why you wouldn't want to but nobody should be giving you a kicking. A lot of people live VERY successful lives with the condition and never hurt anyone.

It's also a scale. Less than 20, you're not, 20-40 you'd be clinically diagnosed with a pathology. 21 would be much better than a 39 for example. Buddy was 39.

Plus, nobody could ever diagnose you online! It's a very specialist area and your entire history would need to be taken into account.

Buddy? Hardly!

Bundy!

I'll be honest, I don't burst into floods of tears at abused puppies on the Telly. Even as a kid I'd wonder wtf other kids were whining about.

I'm not a socio/psycho but I'm probably not a one on the scale either.

The difference between the two is which discipline is using it. Psychologists/psychiatrists would call it psychopathy. Criminologists who deal in social problems of crime would call it sociopathic. Despite them both being social sciences.

Empathy isn't my strong point. I didn't really learn it until I had kids. Even now though I still have to stop myself reacting angrily and force myself to spend a few seconds to try and see things from their view. I can only manage it for my kids and my husband though. I really dislike other peoples children. And i feel absolutely nothing towards animals.

Ah love, there's so much more to it than that. The fact you are capable of stepping back and seeing things from their POV alone would suggest you're not.

Don't give it another thought x

@monstranceclock I’m ok day to day. I do get enraged at what I perceive as other folks weakness, but I can hide it

There are very few people who don't have ANY thoughts/traits they don't hide.

Traits cannot be changed, they're fundamentally what makes you, you. You can moderate behaviour but those traits will never go away. You may well be on the pathological spectrum of psychopathy, like I said, it's not that rare. As an analogy, you have 400 Facebook friends. Three to six of them are statistically diagnosable psychopaths. Most won't ever cause major harms.

It's part of grey matter missing, you're born that way. It's entirely out of your control that you don't feel empathy but it's not a foregone conclusion that you'll harm people. Mostly, those that do have suffered trauma.

Secondary academy senco/delegation headteacher.

Spent more time and energy attempting to gaslight parents of kids with send than she did employing any support.

I stood up for myself - she hated me

Firstly Dail Mail/ The Sun/ the Express and other lazy journalists can sod off!

TRIGGER WARNING MENTIONS VIOLENCE AND UPSETTING OPINIONS ON BABIES WITH DISABILITIES!

My MIL is a narcissist and FIL a narcissistic sociopath/ psychopath- FIL actually told dh (when dh was a young teen) that his room mate at work snored so much, that one night when he (the roommate) returned to the room really drunk, he plotted to kill him, he dragged this poor man up flights of stairs (allowing his head to bash off every edge/ stair) and planned to Chuck him overboard. The only thing that stopped him was a muster call/ fire alarm. He expressed regret that he hadn’t finished the job😱 He also after talking about his bosses premature baby, said he believed that every baby born premature or with special needs should be killed at birth, as they are just a parasite on society. (Incidentally my dh has a learning disability and chronic health issue which he refused to accept, even refusing to allow dh to go on a medication that literally is life saving) Fil is one evil bastard and I am so glad to have no contact with both of my in-laws (we haven’t seen them in years!) Incidentally he also groomed MIL from her early teens when he was mid twenties.

Interestingly he had a high up job in the civil service too!

Thankfully my dh is honestly the sweetest, kindest man, would help anyone, digs paths for elderly neighbours in the snow, volunteers at a local charity etc. Poor dh was badly emotionally and psychologically abused by his Father in childhood. Which majorly impacted on his self esteem and confidence. I’m glad to say he has flourished since going NC.

I Have worked in a school where the head had all children lift their right arms in salute whenever she entered the room! It was incredibly disconcerting and very reminiscent of the nazi salute!

One.

An ex teacher who is now in jail. I fear for young women everywhere when he is released, the man has absolutely no empathy or sympathy skills and will definitely take up where he left off...only this time without a job title to hold him back.

A frightening brilliant manipulator. I've never experienced anything like it and it has scarred me for life.

I should add that FIL has always came across as charming, intelligent, he was a chair of a charity supporting severely disabled people (alongside mil). He always came across as amiable, he very much made the bullets and had MIL fire them. It was my dh confiding in me and my being ‘family’ that saw the blinkers drop.

My sister also has very regressive views on people with disabilities, and to a degree other minorities though that is more well concealed. Interested that this is patterning in peoples responses.

Sounds like the head teacher at the school I work in OP. She hates kids and considers them an inconvenience

You can get plain old narcissistic people and you can get malignant narcissists. Last year I dumped a friendship group spanning more than 20 years because of a narcissist. She'd randomly take against people and push them out.

She met a girl who was totally smitten with her (the girl is gay and I think she was a bit in love with her tbh) anyway, said girl was like her puppy, did anything for her an constantly stroked her ego. I met this girl and we also hit it off, with the added fact that we'd known each other as kids but hadn't recognized each other. Our families had been friends for donkeys years.

Ms narc did not like this one little bit and slowly but surely nudged me out. I pulled her (and NOBODY questioned her - ever). The cold shouldering got worse, then last year we all had significant birthdays and I'd realised I was truly out when I saw the Facebook photos of the birthday occasions that I'd not been invited to.

She's a social worker in a managerial position.