To ask how many genuine sociopaths/psychopaths you've actually met?

[WillGymForPizza]

I strongly suspect that I'm working with someone who is possibly a sociopath. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist so can't properly diagnose, but Ive met some dodgy and unlikable people in my time and this person takes it to a whole level. I genuinely believe her to be evil. She doesn't appear to have a moral compass and seems to take great pleasure in publicly humiliating her staff. They are all utterly terrified of her.

Most disturbingly of all I work in a Primary School and this person is this person is the headteacher....

How common is this kind of thing? Ive never come across anyone like this before.

He was a nice guy. I don't buy he hurt her.

One true one I'd say. I dated him for a couple of years. Biggest giveaway was the complete lack of empathy. Total. He had no clue, even if he pretended. He just looked puzzled most of the time. Otherwise prone to anger outbursts, compulsive lying, risky behaviour and excessively charming, addicted to sex and alcohol. Obsessed with control. Incapable of normal feelings, love or sympathy. But anger and insecurity and need to be admired were pretty much his drivers. Some people could see right through him - increasingly more as he gets older (sadly for him). I didn't unfortunately.

Have met a few narcs in my life too, but they aren't the same necessarily.

My sister's ex husband. He drove her to a suicide attempt - her psychiatrist said he was an amoral sociopath. Has tried to fit his sons up with the police (armed robbery), stealing their identity and causing immense tax hassles, sabotaging my sister's car breaks etc. There are restraining orders to stop him contacting/approaching my sister, their sons and any of our family. He is a truly scary individual but on meeting him you'd think he was the most helpful, friendly and charming person. I always think that's what people say about serial killers...

Yep my old boss without a doubt. He is in charge of a disability charity as well.

My dad was definitely a psychopath. He presented himself as a quite, soft spoken, intelligent man but to his immediate family he was a monster. He got a thrill from terrorising children, he was a liar and the most manipulative person I’ve ever know. I know he caused the death of at least one of my pets when I was very young but I was to scared to say anything about it. I couldn’t be near him as a child as he made my skin crawl.

He could put on a good act but he had absolutely no regard for others. He died years ago and I still wonder what happened to make him like that and how he got away with so many astonishing things.

My sister-in+law. Classic narc. I have forgiven her so many times..... but no more. The harm she has done to me and my family is just unforgivable..

Two of (my many)bosses. Hideous subtle bullying!

I think I have a radar for them now.

I think I’ve met a few but one really stands out, we were both late teens when I first met him, he was very very charming, very good looking, the life and soul of the party, he used people when they were convenient to him, but people let him because he was so charming. He was in the performing arts and was desperate to be famous.

He lied constantly, ranging from small lies that were just exaggerations to huge lies that he’d inevitably get caught out, like pretending he worked somewhere he didn’t or pretending he’d worked on films when he hadn’t.

He was around 6ft 5in and could be quite aggressive and intimidating if he didn’t get his own way, I’d known him for a few years when the mask really slipped, when I found out he’d been physically violent to his much smaller and vulnerable partner, at which point I offered to help them leave him, he became threatening and violent to me.

At that point I had to walk away and go no contact with him, if I ever saw him again I’d phone the police on the spot, I’m that scared of what he could do.

My grandmother was a sociopath (same disclaimer about not being a psychiatrist etc).
I think it was only luck and my grandfather that stopped her from actually killing my mother, albeit by neglect or lack of care rather than first degree murder

I've worked with about three. If you've read 'The psycopath test' by Jon Ronson, you start to think about people more.

2

One just killed himself.

You know when someone dies and you sit and think about nice things about them? Nothing, not one single occasion in over 20 years.

Not all psychopaths are nasty, though they are likely superficial to some level.

Most psychopaths are not extremely bad. They just do not naturally empathise with people so they have to fake it.

I do know one psychopath for definite (diagnosed) but a few others who may be. Or they may have sociopathy.

The psychopath I know is fine. He's not sentimental or relatable in most ways but he is very smart, hard working and although he doesn't get most people he finds them fascinating.

Some people are just assholes though and don't need a diagnosis. One could argue that by being such a way you must have a mental illness, but we are the sum of our environment, experiences and genetics combined.

Psychology today has a good description of the different personality disorders www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/the-10-personality-disorders

They get caught out easily as they're not that smart.

One of the five head teachers I’ve worked for, definitely.

I didn’t even realise at the time, but a few months after I’d left the school there was an article in one of the newspapers about the prevalence of psychopaths in high ranking positions. I hadn’t even thought about her for a while, but reading that article she immediately sprang to mind. Several former colleagues, some whom still worked there and others who had left before me, contacted me separately with the article pointing out that she was definitely a psychopath based on the criteria. It was uncanny. A few months later, after a poor set of exam results, she was fired. She’s bounced around from school to school ever since, never staying more than 18 months, often as an interim head but never landing the permanent position. Her spectacular arrogance and (initially) sparkling personality must be the reason she keeps landing jobs despite her shocking track record.

I worked in a Christian charity for a couple of years a while back and the place was a magnet for them. Chilling people, charming but a real hidden nasty streak. Could turn in an instant. All men in this case, 2 out of 3 of them had wives who attempted suicide, 1 suceeded. The third was calm, smooth, cold, explosive, and quite frankly dangerous. I would never work for a religion based organisation again.

@HollowTalk

Ofsted wouldn't do anything. Not their role.

My ex husband has a diagnosed personality disorder, thought, in part, to be caused by one of his parents having a different personality disorder. He has learnt behaviours from their disorder so actually has traits from both of them.
Interestingly he convinced every professional at court, family court, psychiatrist, psychologist that he was of perfect sound mind and I was deluded. Thankfully there was evidence which proved beyond doubt he was dangerous, but many of the professionals contacted me to tell me he was a sociopath and to ensure he never got any where near me again.
Some people are just vile and nasty but the really evil ones can be hard to spot.

He now holds a managerial position in a fairly posh private school. His staff turnover is enormous and his boss thinks that shows his dedication to excellence!!

^

Exaclty this.

I would not give that woman the steam off my piss.

One. My ex.

He was a manipulative, violent, cruel rapist who got a buzz out of hurting vulnerable people and animals. He gave my 10 week old kitten brain damage by throwing him against a kitchen cupboard then stood there as cold as ice threatening to do it again and "finish the job" if I didn't stop screaming.

He set fire to his own mother's house and served time in prison for it as a teenager. He's recently been locked up for arson again, now almost 30 years old.

He has physically abused every woman he's ever been with and is such a risk that social services refuse to even consider the possibility of him having contact with any of his children and any women involved with him risk losing their children as a result. He has three children two of which have been adopted as a direct result of the danger he poses to both mother's and children, the other one he's never met. He threatened to rape his own daughter just to traumatise her mum.

He bragged about how he used to hurt his younger brother when he was a baby because he didn't like the fact there was another child in the house getting attention.

On the surface he projects a very intelligent, charming, likable persona. He fabricates his qualifications and achievements and is very believable. The reality is he is an empty self interested underachiever with an inflated ego and not one iota of empathy and compassion in his being.

I don't need to be a psychologist to know he is a psychopath, how could he be anything but one?

They get caught out easily as they're not that smart.

^

Agree.... In my case she fired all the people who made her look good and workedwwell : she misinterpreted this as agenda. Instead she just have just kept them as staff. Instead she hired idiots who were not a thread.....

The fact that some people here think it could be as common as one in ten shows they have clearly never dealt with someone with a genuine ASPD. They are nothing short of terrifying.

I went on a date with one, I think. Smile didn't reach the eyes, constant stare. He was about 40 and had obviously cosmetically tattooed eyebrows and was wearing a wig/hair piece. Looking at the hairline of it made me shudder. Talked to me very intensely about weird shit like Coventry in WWII. While talking to him I had irrepressible visions of him murdering me. I was getting more and more anxious because it felt so strongly like he was concealing his true intentions. Eventually I interrupted him and said "what do you want?". His answer was opaque and fake polite. I said "i don't think this is going to work", got up and left. When I got outside I sprinted until I turned a corner. I've NEVER left a date like that before. Spent the next couple of hours cowering in bed with this chilling, sickened feeling, looking up serial killers.

Yep. My very Senior civil service boss. Very senior high flying legal boss. First (now very ex) husband, who was both of those coincidentally!
Very scarey, very very obvious once you have sen /experienced one.
Run as fast as possible if you think you are near one

One of my friends is diagnosed ASPD.. it’s scary. He’s done some weird shit in his time like fantasising about murderering people but doesn’t because he doesn’t want to get caught. Cheats on his wife almost daily, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him and he absolutely 100% would throw you under a bus to save a minute piece of his own reputation, but he’s a good laugh most of the time.
When I went to marriage counselling with my ex they said I had sociopathic tendencies and tbh I wasn’t really a nice person and I didn’t massively give a shit about anyone other than myself, I would have lied about others t get people off my back and I slept with a married man and didn’t give an iota of a shite. Then I got diagnosed bipolar couple of years later and now I’m on meds I’m the opposite, the job I do helping people makes my heart so big and sometimes if I think about my kids in depth I get sad, the not caring thing was a massive coping mechanism for my own life... so don’t be too quick to assume psychopath!