To ask how many genuine sociopaths/psychopaths you've actually met?

[WillGymForPizza]

I strongly suspect that I'm working with someone who is possibly a sociopath. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist so can't properly diagnose, but Ive met some dodgy and unlikable people in my time and this person takes it to a whole level. I genuinely believe her to be evil. She doesn't appear to have a moral compass and seems to take great pleasure in publicly humiliating her staff. They are all utterly terrified of her.

Most disturbingly of all I work in a Primary School and this person is this person is the headteacher....

How common is this kind of thing? Ive never come across anyone like this before.

I think it’s difficult to know if someone is genuinely a psychopath. I say this as someone who has grown up with two parents and a sibling who are all Psychiatrists and as someone who has been around more mentally unwell people than mentally well people.

I have a relative who has undoubtedly got Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many “lay people” have referred to her as a psychopath. She’s definitely not a psychopath.

I have a colleague who has BPD who can, about 10% of the time, behave in a psychopathic way. It’s horrible to be on the receiving end of and quite chilling. The other 90% of the time she is wonderful and she’s a very caring and empathetic person. No doubt people she went to school with would have answered that “I went to school with a psychopath” as her behaviour was very destructive as a teenager, but, again, she is not a psychopath.

I think it total I’ve only met 3. Amongst an array of very fucked up people that I know, 3 is a really low number and, most importantly, none of those 3 were in receipt of any mental health intervention or had a history of “mental illness”.

What they all had in common? Charming, extremely charismatic, hypersexual, exciting, risk takers, Machiavellian, liars, massive frightening outbursts when told no or challenged, controlling, manipulative, tries to latch on to kind, empathetic people but humiliates them for being “weak”, calculated - made me feel extremely uncomfortable without knowing why (and no one would believe me if I said there was something “off”).

Two were women, one was a man, all were wannabee actors, the man was a genuine paedophile who was never convicted because the victims were “unreliable witnesses”, the two women were sexually predatory towards both men and other (straight) women. Got the sense with all three that they were very dangerous people and that it was extremely important to keep my distance. Coincidentally, all three went on to “blacken” my reputation in some way when I distanced myself from them.

As confidentially as possible I met one through work once. Diagnosed. He was terrifying.

Separately, you could quite easily be describing my sister OP

Her to a tee she compartmentalises so I have no idea what she's like at work or with friends, but I believe her to be some sort of pathological type, at least a sociopath, based off her interactions with family and lies she doesn't completely cover and behaviours she hides and occasionally lets slip. The person I deal with isn't her, it's her formal representative, she masks constantly and gives minimal
Information and stories that reflect her in a good light.

She is genuinely the bane of my life and the single worst person I've ever met. I'm VLC.

I've met a few but then I used to work on a 'locked ward' in a psychiatric hospital. Only a few ended up there, mainly if they'd brought attention to themselves. One bloke was sent to us because he'd urinated in the street in broad daylight and was ranting and raving. The most worrying thing is that they can turn on the charm if they feel so inclined, obviously for their own ends. Most of them aren't murderous though, just very unpleasant.

I know someone who meets every single one of the DSM criteria for sociopathy, or Anti-social Personality Disorder as it's now known. He's LOVELY when you first speak to him, and then once you get to know him he's genuinely chilling. He's by no means a murderer in waiting, but he's a deeply horrible human being.

It isn't a nurturing school at all. Very much a pushy academic hothouse. Very little in the way of fun. Lots of children with anxiety problems. Lots of long term staff sickness due to stress and depression. I feel like she uses the school as an extension of her ego.

When I first visited this school and met her she was ever so professional and pleasant, but I knew there was something off about her. Now I wish I'd trusted my gut. She also told me what I now know to be an outright lie.

Must add a disclaimer, when I say “very fucked up people” I’m not talking about people that my family or I have come across professionally or people with mental illnesses but “very fucked up” members of my own family and extended family/friends of family - child abusers, multiple addictions, thieves, criminals etc etc.

Could see my lack of clarity could be offensive and I apologise if I have offended anyone.

I dated one for 1.5 years. Took me so long to realise. Too many things didn’t add up, he lied about everything all the time, would do things to push boundaries to get a reaction, was horrifically manipulative and made you feel like you were the one being stupid or irrational or whatever. Sexually abused me, but made it somehow my fault (not fair to not let him finish even if I was really hurting from so much sex, one time he even had sex with my body when i’d told him I didn’t want to - and I ended up comforting him afterwards cos I’d said “I said I don’t want to do this” after he’d been doing it for quite a while (I froze in situation having been previously raped.) and then he turned it round prentending to cry saying “what am I?? I’m a MONSTER” and I ended up soothing him telling him it’s okay - crazy to look back on (have had and will continue to have counselling for this), and other similar incidences, he lied even about LIKING TEA told me he’d never drink it I’m a tea drinker and whenever at his grandmas she’d make 2 and i’d Have to drink his cup as he hated it so much but my friends then said he’d stand and make himself tea up to 3 cups in an hour in their house. Pretended to Be all shy and modest but actually massive ego, wanted approval/attention of anyone with a high status. Etc etc goes on and on and so obvious in hindsight. Damaged me so much and continues too as so not ready to trust anyone in a relationship again after that. Would very much suggest to stay right away from this person if possible be polite but distant.

Forgot to add really charming and charismatic if you didn’t know him that well you’d think as I did a really nice genuine lovely guy

Only one person I've ever met made me think 'psychopath'. I only knew him briefly in 2011, and last heard from him towards the end of that year, but even now I feel panicky if I think about him and what a lucky escape I had.

He's the only person I've ever had actively plan/manage a safe withdrawal from.

Yes, taught a teenager who was one of the above.

True psychopathy is unusual. People can have antisocial traits or a personality disorder (e.g. Antisocial PD or Narcissistic PD) without being being a psychopath or sociopath.

I've only come across one person who fit all the criteria for psychopathy. He was a very charismatic man, confident, friendly, but showed no remorse for anything he'd done (long history of domestic violence and sexual assault). He was dominant, controlling and conveyed an air of authority. He had people running around after him. He flirted all the time (with men as well as women). He was also prone to outbursts of rage.

Look up the 'dark triad' of personality traits, there's a lot of overlap.

There are a lot in the senior civil service!

These are really chilling. OP, have all of the staff ever thought of reporting the head teacher to OFSTED?

Only 1 I think, my brother. Superficially he's extremely charming but he's fucking evil. He enjoys hurting or humiliating anyone or anything he deems beneath him, which is pretty much everyone and everything. He terrifies me. Always has done.

I've met loads of diagnosed psychopaths as I used to work in one of the "special hospitals" (Broadmoor/Ashworth/Rampton).
Thing is with many true psychopaths it's very hard to tell. They can come across as the nicest of people.

Did know you new my ex, poor you . .

I knew one about 15 years ago in the UK ... She headed up a national educational initiative... She was fucking deranged and evil

I'm fairly sure one of my children is a sociopath and I'm low contact with him due to it. The stress it caused me forced me to have to reduce contact for my own mental health.

My oldest friend is a psychopath. I’ve had to go NC with her as I can’t stand the way she manipulated people anymore. Her poor husband is a broken man but she’s got him trapped financially and emotionally.
The only time I called her out on her behaviour she didn’t talk to me for 10 years. I’d rather not be involved with her games anymore.

At least 2, and in my field, that's not a good thing. I grey rocked the fuck out of them, and thankfully they've both left now. I pick up on body language etc quite quickly, and my instincts screamed like fuck at one of them. Interestingly not the 2nd one, but he was older, and had had more time to hone his craft. His actions and attitudes left me in no doubt though. Blech shiver

Has anyone done the test? I scored an alarmingly high percentage.

I did the test - 10%

Whenever anyone stands up to her she either makes their life hell until they break and leave. Or she makes them redundant. They all seem to live in this perpetual fear of her. I feel like shaking them and telling them 'strength in numbers', but then I can see they are broken people. She has broken them.

I work in insurance with lots of public school educated men, so loads.

Like someone said there is a whole host of personality disorders and even within that two people with the same personality disorder dont necessarily present as the same.
Not very many people actually have a formal diagnoses as they generally dont see that there is an issue (often its everyone else)
I see a lot of people with personality problems as part of my job, through this i recognised that my ex husband and children's father deffo has an undiagnosed personality disorder.
He meets a lot of the criteria for bpd, but i believe that if you have a personality disorder it can often over lap into another one esp at times of great stress.
My ex husband always had a nasty and very dark streak in him, unstable personality, couldn't maintain relationships, gave an air of thinking he was better than others. He either idealised you or despised you and this could change in a heart beat!! His needs always came first (above me and the children). Wasn't till we separated that i realised how abusive he was and just how dis functional and harmful he was. Several years on and he is worse than ever, he enjoys making my life as difficult as possible, the children being in the middle and their emotional welfare is no concern of his.