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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how many genuine sociopaths/psychopaths you've actually met?

364 replies

WillGymForPizza · 23/03/2019 16:06

I strongly suspect that I'm working with someone who is possibly a sociopath. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist so can't properly diagnose, but Ive met some dodgy and unlikable people in my time and this person takes it to a whole level. I genuinely believe her to be evil. She doesn't appear to have a moral compass and seems to take great pleasure in publicly humiliating her staff. They are all utterly terrified of her.

Most disturbingly of all I work in a Primary School and this person is this person is the headteacher....

How common is this kind of thing? Ive never come across anyone like this before.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 31/03/2019 11:19

Possibly one or two. Both were clients.

The first was 16 when I met him. My colleague and I both felt uneasy in his presence, but he was also charming and we couldn't put our fingers on why. He mentioned that he had a youth offending worker, so we contacted the guy for a bit more history.

The worker told us that this teen had an escalating history of violence, and that he appeared to enjoy it. That he showed no signs of effective impulse control and appeared to have a very volatile temper, but that he had also planned violence in a very controlled way.

We declined the referral on grounds of risk. Three years on, he and another young man beat a shopkeeper to death and were found guilty of murder.

Another client was a very charming, intelligent, cultured man approx 30. He had a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia and was unmedicated and had not been unwell for several years (he said). I was gobsmacked when he told me he was a "pit fighter" (like a cage fighter but unregulated, apparently), as it seemed incongruous. His case was handed to a colleague when I went on secondment.

A few months later, after she had closed his case because he no longer needed support, she texted me and told to look at the local paper online. He'd been sentenced to 15 years for raping 2 women and was described as "someone who preyed on young, vulnerable women". We later heard that there had been several other rape allegations, but the CPS had only proceeded with the 2 that were evidentially strongest.

We'd been doing lone, home visits to this guy, and neither of us had had the slightest sense of anything like that. We were both really shocked. (Although in that gallows humour way that people in jobs that can be disturbing use, it was observed that we were neither young, or vulnerable!)

TryItAndDieFatLass · 31/03/2019 17:20

Millie what is it youre interested in in particular?

He has lied constantly to me, when we first met he would always big himself up then when caught out make out it was all a ajoke or I'd misunderstood him. He is obsessive, uncaring, thoughtless and selfish. I only live with him still because it suits me, plans are being made though.

TheMadGardener · 31/03/2019 18:08

Starting to think a headteacher I once worked for was a sociopath. He certainly had no empathy whatsoever and no understanding of how colleagues felt because of his actions.

Have taught a great many children over the years and only ever met one who I found genuinely scary. He was only seven. He really made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. He had no empathy, and enjoyed inflicting pain on animals and other children. He had a certain deadness behind the eyes, I just can't describe it and have never seen such a thing in any other child. His parents were about to have a second baby when he was 7, and I was genuinely terrified about what he might do to a baby if left alone with it. We raised concerns about him and asked to refer him for assessments. In response to this his parents withdrew him and said they would home school him. He must be about 16 by now. It wouldn't surprise me at all if I saw him in the media one day accused of doing something awful.

Jiggles101 · 01/04/2019 16:38

Youarenotkiddingme are you thinking of GM? If so you're not the first to have thought that.

youarenotkiddingme · 01/04/2019 17:25

Spot on jiggles

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 01/04/2019 18:20

How does a psychopath act at work and at home with their family?

ShadyLady's description describes someone I know perfectly but they seem to have improved after getting their addictions under control. I think the mask is now firmly in place.

How do you co-parent with them?

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 01/04/2019 23:47

MyShinyWhiteTeeth

Im trying to co parent with someone who certainly at least has a personality disorder. I have to be honest and say you cant!! well i cant.
I can not communicate with him at all on any level with out him becoming manipulative and aggressive. I have resorted to "parallel parenting". But any kind of parenting is near on impossible with him in the picture. He has told me he doesn't want to work together and not only that he constantly undermines my parenting and giving half a chance he will deliberately sabotage my life with the children.
I have gone Gray rock but even this doesn't stop him.

Letterkennie · 02/04/2019 11:25

Who is GM, Jiggles/youarenotkiddingme?

Giz a clue!

EleanorOalike · 02/04/2019 11:45

Gillian McKeith?

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/04/2019 11:53

@EleanorOalike I'm really curious too but that GM had to stop calling herself Dr so she can't be described as being in the medical profession.

BloomsButtons · 02/04/2019 11:56

I knew a sociopath. He was horrible and could be scary. Even when jailed with overwhelming evidence against him, he claimed his victim deserved it and that it was her fault.

LuvSmallDogs · 02/04/2019 12:14

Dunno about actual diagnosable psychos, but plenty of people with a seeming lack of empathy and a need to rule with an iron fist.

TeaLover2468 · 02/04/2019 12:55

My dc's headteacher in Kent is a sociopath. Makes sense though children are much easier to manipulate it's easy pickings to work in a school

Howzaboutye · 02/04/2019 12:59

I've been on the same flight as GM.
An astonishing lack of engagement with her children. And they were running rings round the nanny.

Siameasy · 02/04/2019 13:10

There’s two guys at work on a different section. They cause all sorts of issues (a lot of insubordination) and are generally toxic. Everyone knows. Yet no one says a word. Not to them not to anyone. It’s as if there’s a code of silence. If I behaved like that I’m sure I’d be spoken to. I think people are scared of them and I’ve noticed this often happens- people will go out of their way to pretend not to notice. The person who doesn’t comply with this code of silence will be ostracised as a trouble maker

Damntheman · 02/04/2019 13:58

I would have to armchair diagnose and I am no psychologist.. but people I suspect? 1 narcissist - in the family sadly, although.. he does seem to be improving his game which would point to him not actually having NPD? And 2 sociopaths through work. You can't work with sociopaths, it's just not possible long term. Leave the job and move on if you can!

WillGymForPizza · 02/04/2019 14:49

I'm not really suprised about GM either. Remember her fake 'faninting spell' when she got voted to do a bush tucker trial on Im a Celebrity?

I always thought the 'top model' turned charity campaigner who married a music legend then when on to have a very acrimonious divorce with him was one as well. There was definitely something not quite right about her, and all those lies she told as wel..

OP posts:
Snj72 · 02/04/2019 16:05

I’ve met 3 that I am absolutely sure about. Probably a lot more but I didn’t get to know them as well as the 3. First was an ex BF. Totally charming and I fell hook line and sinker for him. Everyone else thought he was wrong for me but they didn’t see the side of him that I was experiencing. I was pretty low at the time and vulnerable (I’m actually a very strong person now and have learnt massively from my experience with him). Basically, it was an act and he couldn’t maintain it. After a while, the real him emerged and it was a very eye opening experience for me. Emotionally abusing me, putting me down, manipulating others, taking constantly, revealing past behaviour to me that was shocking to say the least. He’d moved around a lot as a way of dodging bullets (so to speak) and the few friends he had appeared to all be cold and not particularly nice people too. Anyway, long story short, I ended it and it was like I’d committed the worst crime in the world. A totally self obsessed, lying, manipulative, devious, greedy, dishonest man that I’m better off without but god, did I learn a lot from it all.
Second was a friend of my now step-daughter. An absolute nightmare of a person. Always has to be the centre of attention and ruin any pleasant day for someone else to empower herself and feel superior. I eventually shared my concerns with her dad and stepmother who were going through the mill with her. They finally understood her behaviour and completely altered their dealings with her and found some inner strength that they were not alone with this and that it was her personality that was horrendous, not them. Third is a lad I’m currently working with. He’s absolutely vile (totally cold and charming, lying, manipulative, a bully) and I can’t stand him. I feel for his parents as they are lovely and have no idea that his behaviour is not normal teenage behaviour.
These people are everywhere.
I could probably label my now BF as narcissistic.
I have to wonder whether or not these traits are nature or nurture. I’m definitely leaning towards nurture. What does everyone else think? I’ve worked a lot with psychologists and behavioural therapists and closely examine people these days. It’s amazing what you find out about childhood and how it alters a person 😫

user1483705025 · 02/04/2019 16:20

I have met one person that I absolutely know without a doubt was a sociopath at least.

I still love him with all my heart, and think of him every day - despite all the shit things he did to me and knowing how bad he is.

I wish I didn't, but I do Sad

kesstrel · 02/04/2019 16:31

Snj72 I believe that actual psychopathy is fairly strongly hereditary. Although expression of criminality by psychopaths may be due to environment.

It's also important to remember that a lot of what we supposedly "know" about people's childhoods is actually just self-reported, so big question marks over how trustworthy it is. Obviously if you're in jail for example you have a big incentive to lie about how bad your childhood was, to provide a basis for your subsequent "reformation" in order to get parole etc.

HollywoodBoulevard · 02/04/2019 17:12

The GM I was thinking of in the media is male. Gerald Mc!

youarenotkiddingme · 02/04/2019 17:36

I was thinking of a different GM to the woman you're describing.
Wonder if jiggles meant same one as me or you?!

youarenotkiddingme · 02/04/2019 17:37

Holly that's who I was alluding to. Obviously needed to be extremely careful what I typed.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/04/2019 17:50

Oh!! That GM.

Jiggles101 · 02/04/2019 22:01

Haha yes I meant GMcC - although the other GM is a nasty old cow as well!

Yes to HM too, definitely something up there.