Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting here waiting for DH again AIBU

393 replies

StressedAgain · 23/03/2019 11:40

I am sitting here waiting for DH to come home AGAIN.

He went out last night to a leavers do at work. Because of trains and alcohol he sometimes whenever he can stays overnight in a hotel. It's now Sat 1130, DC no.2 has already been chauffeured to their 1st activity, then later on my DC have another thing they need to be taken to for a few hours.

Eldest DC is upset as they have called their Dad up twice and his phone is off and not responding to messages. DC is getting stressed out that his dad may not be OK. I'm getting stressed out because 90% of me is used to this kind of behaviour but I too am wondering if he is OK.

I've got this to look forward to again on Tuesday night when he is going out with his friends and staying in a hotel again. Meanwhile I'll spend all Tues night at my DC's hobby.

AIBU to think that this is actually a bit sh!t. I am getting sick of it. My DC have asked me "when is he coming back", "what time will be be back" and I am getting stressed and snappy.

Seriously, how would you feel about this.

OP posts:
GetStrongKeepFighting · 23/03/2019 17:13

OP, you must be reeling. I'm so sorry for you and your crying children.

TanquerayTickles · 23/03/2019 17:15

This man is a wrong 'un, I'd be advising him that he needs to ask the 'hotel' if they do long term room hire, because he's going to need it.

I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this, I know how ground down these things can make you. I would get some legal advice before doing anything else xx

HollowTalk · 23/03/2019 17:15

This is going to get worse, OP. I wouldn't trust this man at all.

Something is going on, as others have said. Whether that's an affair or prostitutes, either way he's a really terrible husband. He's not even pretending to hide his actions.

What would it take for you to kick him out?

And don't worry about 50:50 - he'll scream and yell about that but there's no way he would want anything like it. He'll want two hours on a Saturday afternoon - late enough so he has a lie in and early enough so that he can go out that night.

Incidentally, did he bring home any shopping?

zchm · 23/03/2019 17:17

He sounds like an ex-boss of mine, stay out drinks, got pissed, drop girls off, stay overnight hotel or on trip. Any chance he has a Ned membership? Grin We always wonder how can he's still married and with kids. Shock

TheSingingTowers · 23/03/2019 17:17

Just a thought...would it cost more for a hotel than a taxi home?

cestlavielife · 23/03/2019 17:18

From dc poi t of view sure go for 50 50 then they will know exactly when they with him and getting his undivided attention....

Oh wait he probably won t bother....

Butterymuffin · 23/03/2019 17:20

Tell him you want 50/50 so you can go out yourself and he'll have to stay in for a change. He'll run a mile. It won't happen.

Hadalifeonce · 23/03/2019 17:21

I'd be tempted to book an hotel room for tomorrow, turn off my 'phone and go. See how he would sort out Monday.

HollowTalk · 23/03/2019 17:22

Trouble with that, Hadalifeonce, is that her children have suffered enough this weekend. The last thing they need is the only decent person in their family fucking off.

caringcarer · 23/03/2019 17:23

It may seem ott but my firnd suspected her dh was having an affair and could not get into his phone as thumb print so she paid a private detective and yes he was seeing some other woman.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 23/03/2019 17:25

Did you tell him that his children were upset and his eldest was frantically calling worried something may have happened to him? Did he apologise at all?

yearinyearout · 23/03/2019 17:25

Every ten days?! That is ridiculous. My DH might do it once or twice a year (but I always know where he is and also know the friends he's with, so no suspicion at all) but your DH is taking the piss. I would be extremely concerned if I were you...I might even be tempted to hire a private detective to follow him on one of these jaunts.

Crockof · 23/03/2019 17:26

I go out with the girls and we always book a hotel, at most four times a year, I think it's important to have time apart and I've never been unfaithful. But holy shit every 10 days.!! He could be married and have another child who thinks he works away

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser · 23/03/2019 17:27

What a gaslighting twat! His phone was off because he was having a long leisurely shag with his ow. I would imagine that is also the reason why he didn't answer his phone after talking to your dc- he wanted to show off what a great Dad he is but the wife calling would spoil the moment and piss off his mistress.

Tbh I would be pissed that he thought I was stupid enough to believe his bullshit! The very fact that he is so secretive with his phone tells you all that you need!

My dh is away out today with my mobile (our broadband is on the brink (Vodaphone broadband is shite) and Vodaphone have given dh free data so that the kids can use his mobile as a hotspot) and I have his, neither dh or myself have signed out of social media, all day long dh's mates have been messaging group chats and I have just ignored them. We completely trust each other and both have each others fingerprints on our phones/ iPads! We regularly swap (Yes Vodaphone again) and would never disrespect each other the way your dh is disrespecting you! In fact my dh is away at the other side of Scotland today (hobby related) and is driving home as we speak as he hates staying away from me and the kids overnight.

I bet you would happily let your dh use/ search your phone because innocent people have nothing to hide! We use fingerprint access just to stop anyone outside of home accessing our data if we lose our phones! We don't use it to hide anything from each other! The fact you don't have access to his phone tells you all that you need to know!

exparrot · 23/03/2019 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smellbellina · 23/03/2019 17:28

Why doesn’t he get a taxi to the train station and come home?!

aintnothinbutagstring · 23/03/2019 17:29

Why did you not just ask him outright if he was with someone else? Regardless of phone or laptop evidence, you'd know from his face if he was lying.

megrichardson · 23/03/2019 17:29

My feeling is that he may already be planning to leave, so I would gird yourself and make preparations, OP. Also get a health check. I am sorry that this is happening to you - it's horrid.

TriciaH87 · 23/03/2019 17:30

Your not going to like my opinion. If he hardly drinks he can drive his arse home or get a cab or what ever at a decent hour. I would be wondering myself whos i that hotel room with him or if his even in one. Do you know which hotel his at as if so i suggest calling them in future.

DerbyRacer · 23/03/2019 17:32

I feel sorry for you op. I am a lone parent, so glad I don't have to deal with what you are dealing with. I hope it all works out ok for you. He needs to stop staying out.

Pelly8 · 23/03/2019 17:33

OP, your partner is being extremely selfish and irresponsible and if he can’t see that he doesn’t deserve you or the children.

Regardless of whether or not he is having an affair, he can’t get hammered once every ten days and stay away from home, it’s not fair on you or the kids.

He is being extremely selfish. I think you should arrange you own nights out every week (every Friday) and stay out all night, see how he likes it.

Kedgeree · 23/03/2019 17:33

BiL did this. It was hookers of a very particular sort.

Pelly8 · 23/03/2019 17:36

Ps so sorry you are going through this

Gitfeatures · 23/03/2019 17:36

He has already checked out mentally.
You don't need 'proof' of an affair. You have plenty of proof that you and the kids are secondary to his needs.

Roscommonet · 23/03/2019 17:39

Has he got “findmyiphone” on his devices?