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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting here waiting for DH again AIBU

393 replies

StressedAgain · 23/03/2019 11:40

I am sitting here waiting for DH to come home AGAIN.

He went out last night to a leavers do at work. Because of trains and alcohol he sometimes whenever he can stays overnight in a hotel. It's now Sat 1130, DC no.2 has already been chauffeured to their 1st activity, then later on my DC have another thing they need to be taken to for a few hours.

Eldest DC is upset as they have called their Dad up twice and his phone is off and not responding to messages. DC is getting stressed out that his dad may not be OK. I'm getting stressed out because 90% of me is used to this kind of behaviour but I too am wondering if he is OK.

I've got this to look forward to again on Tuesday night when he is going out with his friends and staying in a hotel again. Meanwhile I'll spend all Tues night at my DC's hobby.

AIBU to think that this is actually a bit sh!t. I am getting sick of it. My DC have asked me "when is he coming back", "what time will be be back" and I am getting stressed and snappy.

Seriously, how would you feel about this.

OP posts:
labazsisgoingmad · 23/03/2019 17:39

wasting money on hotels which could be spent on dc. sounds iffy i must admit and does he need to get so out of his brain why cant he just have a few drinks and come home?

MakeAWhish · 23/03/2019 17:42

My ex husband did this. Exactly the same as you describe. Mine was having an affair. I hope yours isn't. Lots of love.

TriciaH87 · 23/03/2019 17:43

Tell him if one of your children came down with meningitis or was hit by a car crossing a road would he not want to be there. You should always be able to contact him no excuses. I think you need to confront him as I think you know something is going on. Tell him you know and watch him squirm. You will know if he lies.

pootyisabadcat · 23/03/2019 17:43

Your not going to like my opinion. If he hardly drinks he can drive his arse home or get a cab or what ever at a decent hour.

He can't because he's either way more pissed than he tells her or he's snorting coke and shagging other people.

Original poster
StressedAgain · 23/03/2019 17:51

Yes I think he does Rosco.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 23/03/2019 17:52

Another woman/women, men, cocaine?

If he's not a big drinker why go to the expense of a hotel just for a second drink?

Crystalblue13 · 23/03/2019 17:53

He sounds awful op. He is being so unfair to you and the kids :( you deserve much better

BoobiesToTheRescue · 23/03/2019 17:53

Blantant affair.

I would employ a PI and divorce him.

Original poster
StressedAgain · 23/03/2019 17:54

He is lying. He said his phone was on silent, didn't look at his messages, the hotel check out is 12pm. I think he believes his own lies.

This is a man who is addicted to his phone and iPad. There is no way he got to 12pm tech free.

OP posts:
Gruzinkerbell1 · 23/03/2019 17:58

You don’t need a PI or proof of an affair, you can leave him and divorce him (should you please) for his extremely unreasonable behaviour. Within weeks of splitting I can guarantee that a new girlfriend would be on the scene who he’ll swear he didn’t meet until you split. It’s textbook.

HollowTalk · 23/03/2019 18:00

I don't think you will ever know the truth from him - he will lie and lie and lie. If you have any money I would use it for a private detective - I wouldn't be able to rest until I knew what was going on.

justthecat · 23/03/2019 18:00

His biggest problem is he doesn’t realise how well you know him, try and use it to your advantage. You know he’s hiding something

Minkies11 · 23/03/2019 18:00

He is ignoring you and your DCS, swanning in when he pleases with not a care in the world. I'd chuck him out even if he wasn't having an affair. If he likes staying in hotels so much, let him do it permanently......

HollowTalk · 23/03/2019 18:03

What's your financial situation like, OP? Do you have a mortgage? Debts? Savings? Do you work?

Even if you stay with this man you should still have your ducks in a row.

CoraPirbright · 23/03/2019 18:03

Massive ducks-in-a-row time OP. Get geared up with a SHL too - this cunt won’t go quietly I have a feeling.

How can you put up with this humiliation?

HollowTalk · 23/03/2019 18:04

(I'm not asking for figures, there!)

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 23/03/2019 18:12

He is lying. He said his phone was on silent, didn't look at his messages, the hotel check out is 12pm. I think he believes his own lies. This is a man who is addicted to his phone and iPad. There is no way he got to 12pm tech free.

Have you told him you don't believe him?

countrygirl99 · 23/03/2019 18:12

So, if he is out Tuesday night presumably he won't be seeing you until Wednesday evening. Can you arrange for you and DC to stay somewhere else Wednesday night - a friend or a family. Don't tell him, let him worry when you aren't there. Maybe just leave a note to say you have decided to stay out tonight but nothing else.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 23/03/2019 18:14

I've never stayed in a hotel that had a 12pm checkout time as standard, some allow you to pay extra for a late checkout but why would he do that if he was actually bothered about spending some time with his wife and kids?

Bookworm4 · 23/03/2019 18:14

Is it the same hotel and do you know what one? If yes, I'd be getting a babysitter for Tuesday night and putting my Sherlock hat on.

thenightsky · 23/03/2019 18:16

I've never stayed in a hotel that had a 12pm checkout time as standard

I have - all the Premier Inns and Travelodges are 12 noon standard.

WBWIFE · 23/03/2019 18:17

Leave

lablablab · 23/03/2019 18:21

Ok, so he's obviously totally lying.

Just because the hotel check out is at 12pm doesn't mean he's held hostage until that time?! Why didn't he leave earlier? Why didn't he have the decency to contact you? How has he gone all that time and not checked his phone?! He's lying through his teeth!

You need answers. If you're not prepared to interrogate him then do some snooping. Email accounts, phone, Facebook, etc. Use the photo trick like someone suggested. (Love that!) Hide a phone in his car and do find my iPhone. Demand the hotel name and turn up there. Say there's been an emergency. Anything. You need to know!

HollowTalk · 23/03/2019 18:37

Of course he may not even be in a hotel, if you haven't seen his bank statements.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 23/03/2019 18:37

all the Premier Inns and Travelodges are 12 noon standard

Oh are they? Fair enough then. Haven't stayed in many of those. Well, I suppose h could be telling the truth about the checkout time then but it doesn't explain why he was uncontactable for all that time.

The thing is OP, even if he's not lying to you and he isn't being unfaithful, it's still extremely poor behaviour isn't it? If he knew he was going to be out most of the day today he should have told you, or rather asked you if you minded. He's clearly used to doing exactly as he pleases.

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