Lion bar con

[iwantatattoo]

My Husband is a lion tamer and was horrified when he sliced open a Lion bar this evening.
It looks nothing like a lion, very misleading!

There was the time, as a student, I threatened my punk boyfriend with a Magnum.

The 'Sherbet Fountain' I bought as a centrepiece for my garden pond was distinctly underwhelming.

Apparently, chicken don't have 'nuggets'........

And I am still waiting for my 'flying saucers' ( sweets) to actually fly.....

The vixen living under my hedge showed no interest at all in the Fox's Glacier Mints I put out for her.

Screaming-!don't bother with the Fox's Biscuits either

Don't get me started. I opened the packet if party rings and ......nothing

It's ok I've just discovered vegetarians can drink unicorn gin! Apparently no unicorns were hurt in the process of making the drink! - I did wonder where my small local pub was going to keep the unicorns to put in the gin, worried they had got rid of the play area to accommodate them.

My ex was very grumpy when the Pornstar Martini he bought failed to satisfy him! Mwahahahahahahahaha

On holiday I had a disappointing cocktail, my "sex on the beach" did not live up to expectations, however I still did not want to risk ordering a bloody Mary!

Frickssake Damn! Another useless purchase then!

I had high expectations of my coke...

I bought Irn Bru. The clothes are still fecking creased. Fumming!

I wanted to buy some of the judgy pants that are often mentioned on here but Debenhams only sold regular pants.

Apparently, chicken don't have 'nuggets'........
Maybe cockerels do?

I'm halfway through a complaint letter - it would be bad enough if the bag said M, but saying M&Ms led me to expect lots of them imagine my disgust when I found a bag full of W's, 4 number 3's, and even an odd looking E - But not even a single M! Is it any wonder people can't spell anymore when companies can't even been trusted to give the letters they promise on the front of the pack!

Worst thing is I couldn't even enjoy them as I had no mmmmmm to speak of!

I expect you'll see it all over the newspapers and TV tomorrow and they'll be up to their usual twix trying to change the topic and promising us the milky way stars but all we'll end up with is chocolate! I say we all take a taxi to the studios tomorrow with a picnic and protest, I can get my hands on some double deckers if there are enough of us?

Well ,I can inform you all that the moon cup I bought shows no hint of lunar experience & it's also useless as a cup ,My teabag just about fits

The box of 'Jacob's Crackers' I bought last Christmas were hopeless - when we finally managed to pull them apart, there was no bang, no motto and no hat - just lots of crumbs.

Duck eggs !
Damn missed !

Bought my horrible colleague a kinder egg...she's still a selfish fecker . Raging!

These are great! Thank you all for making me laugh!

Bought some pita bread the other day: don't know what the fuss is about. It is just as pleasant as other types of bread.

Monkey nuts.
All those monkeys...weird

Fish don't have fingers, it seems. What the fuck have I been feeding the kids?

Obviously you are not posh like us - we have piscatorial digits in our house.

My friend who works for Slimming World gave me a 'Hi Fi' bar. No wonder she was giving it away - it won't play any records or CDs.