Lion bar con

[iwantatattoo]

My Husband is a lion tamer and was horrified when he sliced open a Lion bar this evening.
It looks nothing like a lion, very misleading!

I ordered a Big Mac the other day the guy gave me a burger confused

I still can't believe how much an Apple Mac costs when a Big Mac is only like £2. And my local McDonalds looks at me oddly when I try and order one to see why they're so popular.

Opened a riding school last summer with the aim of teaching nervous novices. Decided to fill it with a load of sweet chestnuts as figured my clients would prefer to learn on something calm and sensible, rather than ill-tempered ponies. Couldn't have got it more wrong Now have stables filled by a load of hot-headed nuts which no-one wants to ride. Sweet chestnuts my arse!

The tube of 'Arm and Hammer' I'd bought proved to be no use whatsoever when assembling my new flat-pack wardrobe. But at least my bedroom now smells 'mint fresh'.

That jar of Gold was full of brown crumbly stuff !

Anyone seen The Sewing Bee? I looked hard but couldn't spot it.

My tube of toothpaste was not made of teeth.

Drank a bottle of Teachers last night. It failed to make me more intelligent as I thought the combined knowledge of said Teachers would. In fact it led to a number of poor decisions and an awful lot of vomit.
I shall be writing to the manufacturer just as soon as the room stops spinning.

I shall be writing to the manufacturer just as soon as the room stops spinning.

Perhaps a few shots of Famous Grouse would help you towrite a memorably grumpy letter?

Don't get me started on Jack Daniels! I was expecting a virile macho man. But what I got was liquid.

Useless.

No musical chimes from my bottle of Bells, either.

Partial to a sherry ...Cockburn , anyone ?
I cannot comment on the effects as I do not have one . Maybe some one else can tell me ?

I was looking forward to a bit of crumpet this morning. Throughly disappointed.

Trifle. Bristol cream. Aunty's birthday tea party was jollier than usual.

Perhaps a few shots of Famous Grouse

Nonsense. Never heard of it.

Opened a riding school last summer with the aim of teaching nervous novices.

Why do you want to teach nuns to ride? and what are they riding?

DH brought me a bottle of Hendricks. No guitar solos to be heard at all. THEN I notice the name is spelled differently - he's obviously been sold some cheap knock off. I shall be writing to Trading Standards.

@Mememeplease for nervous nuns I have the odd Christian Grey I can trot out for lessons!

CharlyAngelic Don't bother with the margarine either!

While I was away, my DH bought "Blue Nun". Was ready to LTB, but turns out its just wine

Picked up a g string from M&S - cannot work out how to fit it to my guitar.

I planted a packet of birdseed last year. I'm still waiting for my birds to grow.

I looked a right fool turning up at a bondage session with a Mr. Whippy

My runner beans haven't got any legs. How are they going to run?

@JaretsGirlfren