Lion bar con

[iwantatattoo]

My Husband is a lion tamer and was horrified when he sliced open a Lion bar this evening.
It looks nothing like a lion, very misleading!

I bought some fire lighters last week, they're still just sitting in the grate. How long do I wait? I'm freezing.

I'm never going to John Lewis again, he's never there! It's such a con and all the staff look at me like I'm the mad one when I ask for him. Useless.

I know what thréad thís is based ón but it was deleted when I tried to read it

I went to Home Bargains looking for a four bed with a decent sized garden. The housing market has gone to pot, I found nothing, not even a studio flat . Cheesed off, now I’ll have to keep working to pay off the mortgage 🙁

Ended up in an almighty row with at the local supermarket service desk this morning over the false advertising of fish "fingers". Fish don't have fingers and I even went home to get my old GCSE biology text book to prove the point. She just kept muttering something about genetic engineering as I was ascorted off the premises by security.

My wine gums don't contain wine and my viscount biscuits DON'T contain any real viscounts

Imagine my surprise when my Bourbon biscuits tasted nothing like a good old Jim bean..

My neighbor's house caught fire today, rather than dial 999, I thought I'd save time and emptied a whole box of heroes into her house, she hasn't come round to thank me yet, but I could hear her shouting about some melted chocolate in her charred hallway.

I had some Nice biscuits with a cup of tea today. They were ok.

Me and local toad appreciation society staged a protest outside Dunnes to protest at 'Aunt Bessie's' cruel and inhumane treatment of toads. We were left very red faced when the manager showed us boxes of sausages in batter with no toads to be seen anywhere.

At a crossroads in my life I bought some 'Options' - fuming- I got no advice whatsoever just hot chocolate powder.

The carton of 'Cadbury' Roses I bought haven't even started to bloom - and I planted them last Spring. So disappointed.

😂

The Golden Gaytime iced lollies I bought in Australia did not live up to expectations.

In preparation for a medieval banquet, I purchased some 'Minstrels'. They did absolutely nothing to entertain us when I put them in the gallery.

Well I bought a rubber plant, imagine my horror when I found out it needed watering

I was disappointed when I went to Superdrug. I was hoping for a miracle cure...

On a recent visit to 1982, I bought some bottles of 'Panda Shandy'. Imagine my disappointment when I tried to give them to their intended consumers and got kicked out of the zoo .

Bought a pack of hot dogs- they were just cold sausages, and are doing nothing to warm my lap.

I still don't understand why my date looked so shocked the other week when I ran out of the bar screaming after he asked me if I fancied a snakebite! Keep your sick fetishes to yourself mate, no wonder you're still single!

I opened a Bombay Bad Boy earlier, eagerly anticipating a hot spicy lunchtime treat. All I found inside was a lump of dried noodles and powder.

I'd advise you not to bother with Turkish delight.

I bought a packet of yoyos the other day, the bloody string had come off all of them. I tried to get a taxi back to the supermarket to complain, but just got covered in chocolate!

This is brilliant. Give me about 24hrs and I mlove got be able to come up with an offering.

I popped into Monsoon earlier as I'd forgotten to have a shower and no water gush at all not even a trickle. I then went into New Look and when I walked out I look the fecking same. I tried twirling but my outfit never changed. My town is useless