Lion bar con

[iwantatattoo]

My Husband is a lion tamer and was horrified when he sliced open a Lion bar this evening.
It looks nothing like a lion, very misleading!

Did you pop into Peacocks while you were there? Not a single elaborately-plumed bird to be seen.

I had lunch at Wimpy the other day. Still waiting to become skinny & submissive.

I remember also being disappointed when one year I decided to treat my family to a meal and I took them to Currys.

DH HAS been eating cat food for a week and still clhasnt grown a beard - damn you Whiskers!

And don’t even get me started on the Blackberry and Apple crumble I made in 2006! It tasted of SIM card.

On a brighter note, I was very relieved when dining at a friend's house and the 'Spotted Dick' pudding she'd promised turned out to be nothing more than a suet pudding and currents.

Or even currants!

I spent an hour in a lay by having a huge coq au vin with a gentleman yesterday. Still sore.

Super excited to visit Gotham in the Midlands last year, however had to leave a damning TripAdvisor review... no Robins to be seen anywhere....and as for meeting Batman ....sigh

Just spent half an hour waiting for the free cash withdrawal machine to give me my free cash. They lied.

Can I just say, my sausage dog is looking worried ...

Didn't hear single titter or giggle from my chocolate bar, damn you Snickers with your false advertising. And in its previous form never saw one walk a single step, let alone run a Marathon.

I 💖 this thread, thanks OP!
I went into TopShop, it looks like the same old tat I used to buy as a student but with mixed changing rooms ( TopShit springs to mind) .

I'm currently in a dispute with DD's school. the book she's brought home from the library is disgusting. It's about a bear made out of shit. I've complained to the gvnrs and am now escalating to OFSTED. Our kids shouldn't have to deal with this level of filth.

Plus, the fab I ate earlier was just an average ice lolly.

But I'm nominating this thread for classics, because you lot are bloody brilliant!

On opening a recently bought 'Wham bar' I was extremely disappointed to find it bore no resemblance whatsoever to George Michael and Andrew Ridgely; nor did it start playing 'Wake me up before you go-go'.

I thought I'd be bilingual in no time when I got my first Frenchie, sadly he was no help so now I've 3 ,but it's not working ,they just bark at me ?
Where am I going wrong ?

My neighbour's cat kept hanging around on my porch, so I fed him some 'Go Cat'. He's still here.

RIP OFF!!! I bought a bag of kettle chips. Not only is the water still cold, they've all gone bloody soggy!

The 'turkey drumsticks' I bought from Tesco last week made my cymbals all greasy.

My friend told me the ice-cream man sold a 'Feast'.I didn't eat for a week in preparation and went running down the street with bags to put it all in. I fainted in shock (and hunger) when he handed me an ice-cream.

I wore a Haribo ring and was most disappointed to find it did not make my finger go green like other cheap rings do.

The horse was missing from the Polo mints I recently bought. And the mallet. And the posh bloke in white trousers.

The tub of tic tacs I got for sticking things on the pin board is utterly useless.

I bought some coarse sea salt, hoping for some flirtatious banter. Its sat on my table now, hasn't said a bloody word!

I had five prawn cocktails in a row last night. Did I get tipsy? No - complete waste of time.